


here's to never growing up

by elixirsoflife



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chat Fic AU, Chatting & Messaging, Community: HPFT, Explicit Language, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Is Plotting a Thing??, James Potter is Dramatic, James Potter is a Good Friend, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Not Snape Friendly, Peter the Meme Queen, Slow Burn, Texting, tbh everyone is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-05 10:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 33,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13385793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elixirsoflife/pseuds/elixirsoflife
Summary: A group chat documents the lives of four highly dramatic teenage boys as they navigate their A Levels.Or, like, die trying.





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> okay yes, your girl has a few WIPs going already, but my muse is dead, alright? DEADER THAN DEAD, IT HAS DECOMPOSED INTO AMMONIA OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS. basically, i am feeling v uninspired with my current projects atm and i figured that i might as well try my hand at something else to see where it takes me. i am putting absolutely no pressure on myself for it which is why it has, like, zero plot and is pure indulgence.
> 
> basically i have been reading a lot of chat fics recently
> 
> this is my attempt to reach the very high bar that has been set <3

**_stick it to the gram-MAN_ **

**james**

[02:38]

did u know that we share 50% of our dna w/ bananas

like

how mad is that

but if 50% of our dna comes from our mum and 50% from our dad, doesn’t that add up to 100%??

does that mean i’m 100% banana wtf

how messed up is that

 

 [03:11]

nvm

**remus lupout**

[08:32]

what the fuck, james

 

* * *

 

**_stick it to the gram-MAN_ **

**remus lupout**

[17:07]

it’s the 18th

 

**sirius white**

[17:07]

congratulations remus, you can read your phone

 

**remus lupout**

[17:08]

fuck off

what i mean is that the 20th is almost here

 

**sirius white**

[17:08]

wow

 

**remus lupout**

[17:08]

don’

t

 

**sirius white**

[17:08]

u should be like

the next einstein with those brains

tell me the secret of ur ways

 

**remus lupout**

[17:08]

i swear to god, black

 

**sirius white**

[17:09]

as someone who was brought up catholic, i’m gonna have to tell you to not

 

**remus lupout**

[17:09]

you don’t even go to church, you twat

 

**sirius white**

[17:10]

ye, but you don’t need to go to church to still have faith????

i can pray from wherever tf i want, you anaemic piece of shit

 

**remus lupout**

[17:10]

w

o

w

what a low bloe

blow*

 

**sirius white**

[17:11]

just bringing things down to your level xx

**james**

[17:11]

holy shit boys it’s the 18th

**sirius white**

[17:12]

ikr, it’s mad

our results come out in two days

 

**remus lupout**

[17:13]

i will honestly kill you, sirius

 

**sirius white**

[17:14]

can i get my results first pls

i actually worked for them towards the end

 

**remus lupout**

[17:15]

i know where you sleep.

 

**sirius white**

[17:16]

so not only do u swear to the almighty, but you watch me while i sleep

rid urself of ur sins son

 

**remus lupout**

[17:17]

fck off

**james**

[17:17]

remy boy how do u speak to ur mum w/ that mouth

it’s fucking filthy

**remus lupout**

[17:18]

i am actually so done with you guys

i hope you’ve failed your gcses

**james**

[17:18]

rEMUS WTF

I'M YOUR FRIEND

I TRUSTED YOU

I BLED FOR YOU

**sirius white**

[17:19]

bc ur anaemic arse can’t afford to do it

 

**remus lupout**

[17:19]

b l o c k e d

 

**peter crouch**

[17:21]

me rn

 

**sirius white**

[17:23]

u weren’t even here for the conversation peter fuck off

 

**remus lupout**

[17:23]

no need to swear at him

 

**sirius white**

[17:24]

well hello to u pot

i’m kettle

**james**

[17:24]

did u just call remus a drug

is his love ur drug

**remus lupout**

[17:25]

he wishes he could get some of this

 

**james**

[17:25]

do u wanna know what’s ironic

**sirius white**

[17:25]

no

**james**

[17:26]

the phrase goes, “pot calling the kettle black”, right

but the thing is

**sirius white**

[17:26]

don’t.

**james**

[17:26]

u are one

**remus lupout**

[17:26]

b l o c k e d

 

**sirius white**

[17:27]

ye, that was pathetic mate

**james**

[17:27]

piss off i’m hilarious

 

 


	2. 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter didn't choose the meme life. the meme life chose him.

**_stick it to the gram-MAN_ **

**remus lupout**

[19:53]

preparing for college is stressing me tf out

 

**sirius white**

[19:59]

what kind of nerd prepares for college

 

**remus lupout**

[20:00]

what kind of wanker uses the word ‘nerd’ in england

tf do you think this is, high school musical

**james**

[20:00]

ngl that film’s a classic

WE’RE BREAKING FREE

**sirius white**

[20:01]

WE’RE SOARING

FLYING

**james**

[20:01]

THERE’S NOT A STAR IN HEAVEN THAT WE CAN’T REACH

**peter crouch**

[20:02]

y r u singin hsm

 

**sirius white**

[20:02]

WHY ARE YOU RUINING THE FLOW YOU DICKHEAD

 

**remus lupout**

[20:02]

why are you always shouting at peter

 

**sirius white**

[20:03]

bc i’m trying to share a romantic moment with my man

and he just

interrupted

like it was nothing

like I’M nothing

 

**remus lupout**

[20:04]

you’re not

**james**

[20:04]

aw babe <3

WAIT DON

T INSULT MY MAN LIKE THAT WTF

THE INJUSTCIE

**peter crouch**

[20:05]

lol

also y r u worryd bt college remus

 

**remus lupout**

[20:06]

it’s nothing

 

**peter crouch**

[20:06]

ok

if ur sre

 

**remus lupout**

[20:07]

yeah don’t worry about it

 

**sirius white**

[20:07]

too late now, cough up

**remus lupout**

[20:08]

seriously it’s nothing

**james**

[20:08]

don’t be embarrassed to tell us what’s up

like seriously m8

i told you all about that one time i thought i saw my great aunt euna in the mall and hugged her

only to realise it was some random old man

i can never judge

**sirius white**

[20:10]

how is your great aunt euna still alive if your parents are in their mid fifties

**james**

[20:11]

i honestly dk

i asked her once and she told me it was all the fish???

**sirius white**

[20:11]

boy am i glad my family prefer red meat

stuff urself with diseases bitches :)))

rack up that cholesterol

 

**peter crouch**

[20:12]

wat bt ur uncle???

 

**sirius white**

[20:12]

he’s vegetarian

**james**

[20:12]

really?

that’s cool

also

remus where u at boi

**remus lupout**

[20:13]

home

 

**peter crouch**

[20:13]

 

**sirius white**

[20:14]

one) ur sense of humour is pathetic

two) how are you always so prepared with a meme

 

**peter crouch**

[20:15]

i  hve an album of em

 

**sirius white**

[20:15]

…

ofc u do

**james**

[20:16]

oi u bellends, can we focus

remus, what is up

and if u say sky here, i will honestly stab u

**peter crouch**

[20:17]

 

**sirius white**

[20:18]

ohmygod pete can u fucking not

**james**

[20:18]

lmao that one’s actually really funny

**remus lupout**

[20:19]

mum’s calling me for dinner, i’ll talk to you all later

**james**

[20:20]

thanks guys

u chased him away

**sirius white**

[20:20]

…

can we blame peter

**peter crouch**

[20:21]

i didn’t do anythng!!!

**james**

[20:21]

damn it peter, this is all ur fault

**peter crouch**

[20:22]

????

i was b-in nice!!!

 

**sirius white**

[20:22]

ffs sake

THANKS A LOT RACHEL

 

[21:43]

also how tf do you have the time to type “b-in” instead of “being”

**james**

[21:55]

lmao ikr

 

* * *

****

**_stick it to the gram-MAN_ **

**remus lupout**

[00:01]

you know how there’s no uniform in college

it’s kind of freaking me out

like

not freaking me out per se

but

even though everyone knew i was on a scholarship at the grammar, the fact that we had to wear uniforms meant it wasn’t obvious

but at college it’s probably going to be obvious

and idk how i feel about that

 

[00:05]

i’m not lying awake thinking about this btw

i’m watching misfits

but yeah

**james**

[09:15]

honestly i don’t think it’ll be a problem mate

hogwarts is different

there’s like a huge emphasis on giving “”disadvantaged kids” opportuniteis

**sirius white**

[09:24]

lol that’s exactly why my parents tried to stop me from going

sux 2 b them

 

**remus lupout**

[09:36]

true

thanks guys

**james**

[09:38]

np

**sirius white**

[09:40]

any time

 

**peter crouch**

[10:05]

 

****

 

**sirius white**

[10:08]

pete if you send another gif, i am honestly going to ram your phone so far up your arse you’re going to taste metal

 

**peter crouch**

[10:09]

…

**sirius white**

[10:10]

motherfucker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might not realise this from my ao3 AP but i usually write using next gen characters. like a solid six months ago, i realised that [ahn jae hyun](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/21/49/0a/21490ae53524ade966bb5bf2248e08c1--ahn-jae-hyun-korean-actors.jpg) is the closest i can get to my imagination's visual of albus potter. and thus the potters are korean bc why not. hence james' aunt's name. just roll with it, my loves
> 
> it may surprise you to know i do not own high school musical or misfits
> 
> also lemme know if there are any mistakes here <3


	3. 3.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which james has just too much swag and no one appreciates it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit of a small chapter, but i have exams and am planning on uploading another one v soon. also remember when i said i am putting no pressure on myself about this thing?? yeah that's still a thing thankfully :P

**james** has changed **_stick it to the gram-MAN_ ** to **_swagwartz_**

 

**remus lupout**

[14:21]

i didn’t think anything could be worse than ‘stick it to the gram-MAN’

but i was wrong

**james**

[14:22]

um what are you on about

this name is ingenious

i am actually so proud of myself

**remus lupout**

[14:22]

…

words cannot describe how sad that is

**james**

[14:24]

w o w

excuse urself

from LYF

**remus lupout**

[14:25]

i can’t believe i once thought you were cool

**james**

[14:25]

um?????

“once”????

I have ALWAYS been cool???? It’s literally my middle name

ice-cold potter is my name on the streets

**remus lupout**

[14:26]

omfg

 

**sirius white**

[14:27]

ice ice baby

**james**

[14:28]

OH MY GOD I FORGOT ABOUT THAT CLASSIC

BRB FUCKING YOUTB E HERE I COME

GONNA BASH ONE OUT

**remus lupout**

[14:29]

…

you what

 

**sirius white**

[14:29]

i never knew people got off to vanilla ice but okay

**james**

[14:34]

OH, MY GODN WTF

THAT’S NOT WHTA I MENT YOU DICKHAEDS

DRINK HOLY WATER TO CLEANSE YOUR UNPYRE THOUGHTS

**sirius white**

[14:35]

unpyre yeah?

 

**remus lupout**

[14:35]

unpyre

 

**sirius white**

[14:35]

unpyre

unpyre

unpyre

unpyre

 

**remus lupout**

[14:35]

U

N

P

 

**sirius white**

[14:36]

unpyre

 

**remus lupout**

[14:36]

Y

R

 

**sirius white**

[14:36]

U N P Y R E

 

**remus lupout**

[14:36]

E

**james**

[14:36]

STOP

THIS IS ABUSE

**sirius white**

[14:37]

ye

but is it unpyre tho

 

**remus lupout**

[14:37]

not sure but i think it might be unpyre

definitely not unpyre

but maybe unpyre

**james**

[14:38]

words cannot describe how much idl you guys rn

i came on

an innocent man, unsuspecting of the attack coming my way

to change our groupchat name to something befitting of this next stage of our lives

since we’re off to college tomorrow

but you know

i see how it is

i see how

unloved

i am

**remus lupout**

[14:39]

i have actually never met anyone more dramatic than you

**james**

[14:40]

once i was blind

but no longer!

i see too clearly now

**sirius white**

[14:41]

u sure about that

**james**

[14:41]

piss off

**peter crouch**

[14:42]

i fink ur kool james

 

**sirius white**

[14:42]

changing the spelling of that word saved you no time whatsoever

**james**

[14:42]

thanks pete

ignore sirius, he’s just a dick

no one except you appreciates me

**peter crouch**

[14:43]

no probz =))

i mde smthng 2 cheer u up btw

**james**

[14:43]

you did??

THAT’S WHAT I CALL TRUE FRIENDSHIP RIGHT THERE PEOPLE

TAKE NOTES

SEE WHAT A REAL FRIEND IS

**peter crouch**

[14:45]

**james**

[14:46]

you actual bastard


	4. 4.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is clueless and remus swears some more

**_swagwartz_ **

**remus lupout**

[11:09]

i can’t believe there are four maths classes here

and we managed to be separated into each one

that’s just shit luck mate

i am alone

**james**

[11:10]

i know :(((

it honestly sucks

**sirius white**

[11:10]

we should riot

this is a democracy after all

**james**

[11:10]

GIVE ME FREEDOM

OR GIVE ME DEATH

**sirius white**

[11:11]

DEATH TO THE DICTATORS

STICK THEM ON PYRES AND BURN THEM ALL

 

**remus lupout**

[11:11]

unpyre*

**james**

[11:11]

u think ur funny but ur really not

**remus lupout**

[11:11]

I’m fucking hilarious

 

**sirius white**

[11:12]

‘fucking’ are we?

ooh remy boy’s getting action for once in his life

 

**remus lupout**

[11:12]

fuck urself

 

**sirius white**

[11:12]

excellent suggestion but i can’t do that in the middle of lit :/

which btw is actually really good

 

**remus lupout**

[11:12]

so why are you talking to us

**james**

[11:13]

bc he’s in lovr with me

**sirius white**

[11:13]

you know it babe ;)

 

**remus lupout**

[11:13]

lol

ahhh gotta go, teacher’s coming my way

bye dickheads

**james**

[11:14]

i’ll have u know my dick is in its proper place

i mean, u can check if it u want

**sirius white**

[11:14]

how dare you make a suggestion like that right in front of me

do we mean nothing to you?

**james**

[11:15]

fuck

sorry bbe, my hand slipped :(

**sirius white**

[11:15]

LIES

YOU JUST THINK I’M GOING TO STAY AND WAIT FOR YOU AT HOME DON’T YUO

WELL

NOT TODAY SATAN

NOT TODAY

**james**

[11:15]

babe

lemme make it up to you

**sirius white**

[11:16]

nothing you do can solve this

**james**

[11:16]

i’ll get you chicken wings from that takeaway

**sirius white**

[11:16]

i’m yours

 

**peter crouch**

[11:20]

r u guyz actuly 2geva?

**james**

[11:20]

…

**peter crouch**

[11:21]

wat???

**james**

[11:22]

ur lucky i like ur cooking, pete

**peter crouch**

[11:22]

???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to upload two chapters in one go since i already have the next chapter prepared and this one is pretty short (and full of nonsense. this fic is pure INDULGENCE and i have no ragretz) <3


	5. 5.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just spotted: a wild severus snape in an unnatural habitat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically proof that the marauders are immature teenage boys

**_swagwartz_ **

**james**

[13:03]

WTF GUYS

WTAF

WHAT TH E ACTUAL FCUK

**peter crouch**

[13:04]

wat???

**james**

[13:04]

SNIVELLUS IS IN MY MATHS

(which btw, ew why)

AND HE’S SAT W/ A GIRL

LIKE

**sirius white**

[13:05]

bullshit

**james**

[13:05]

I’M NOT EVEN LYING

SHE IS A FEMALE

SHE HAS TITS

AND REALLY NICE HAIR NOT EVEN GONNA LIE

**sirius white**

[13:06]

poor girl

having snivellus within a mile radius of her

 

**remus lupin**

[13:07]

lmao what

how

**james**

[13:08]

SHE’S TALKING TO HIM

SHE’S SMILING

SHE JUST LAIGHED

OH MY GOD

**remus lupout**

[13:08]

yeah but was it a genuine laugh

or was it a ‘please don’t kill me’ giggle

 

**sirius white**

[13:09]

"giggle"

 

**remus lupout**

[13:09]

honestly fuck off

**peter crouch**

[13:09]

itz probs da 2nd

da giggle

 

**sirius white**

[13:10]

pls don’t use ‘da’ in a sentence ever again

ur making me intensely uncomfortable

**james**

[13:10]

I AM ACTUALLY SHOOK GUYS

SHE TOUCHED HIS ARM

LIKE

IN A FRIENDLY WAY

NOT A PUNCH

SHE

S

WHAT

**sirius white**

[13:10]

ur actually shitting me

 

**peter crouch**

[13:11]

 

**remus lupout**

[13:11]

maybe she’s just nice

**james**

[13:11]

HE HASN’T EVEN WASHED HIS HAIR

KID LOOKS LIKE HE GOT CAUGHT INA  FUCKIN TSUNAMI

AND SHE SOMEHOW HASN’T’ NOTICED

**remus lupout**

[13:12]

lmaoo

there’s a first time for everything, i suppose

 

**peter crouch**

[13:12]

mayb she lyks emos

**james**

[13:13]

i’m trying to take a picture of it

but i can’t get their faces into it

**remus lupout**

[13:13]

isn’t that illegal

 

**sirius white**

[13:13]

so is looking like a cunt but snivellus is still about

 

**peter crouch**

[13:14]

__  


**james**

[13:15]

i’m going to try to find out what her name is

**remus lupout**

[13:17]

???

why

 

**james**

[13:18]

uh to let her know what danger she’s in

i’m just looking out for my fellow citizens

**remus lupout**

[13:19]

you’re going to approach a girl who’s never met you before

and tell her to stay away from snape

**james**

[13:20]

yep

gotta do my duty

**remus lupout**

[13:21]

…

i mean i hate the guy too, but this isn’t the grammar, james

the girl doesn’t know or care about you

or your opinion

**james**

[13:22]

wow thanks

**remus lupout**

[13:22]

you know what i mean

you’re just gonna come off as a weirdo

 

**sirius white**

[13:23]

eh he comes off that way anyway

**james**

[13:23]

EXACTLY

wait what?

 

* * *

 

**_swagwartz_ **

**james**

[14:01]

her name is lily evans

and she’s really pretty

and she told me to fuck off

**remus lupout**

[14:26]

haha i fucking told you she would

**james**

[14:26]

stfu raymond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shouts into the void* is anyone even reading this fic
> 
> bc if you are, i just checked my upcoming semester and jc uni is about to bitch slap me in the face


	6. 6.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pennywise has a hold of James' number and James responds... well, in a manner a lot like James.

**Unknown**

[19:01]

You know, Potter, I really didn’t think you were this pathetic, but you’ve honestly exceeded my expectations.

**james**

[19:33]

???

who even is this

**Unknown**

[19:34]

Severus.

**james**

[19:35]

dk who that is but he sounds like a right dickhead ngl

**Unknown**

[19:35]

Very amusing, Potter.

I shouldn’t have expected anything less than your substandard humour.

**james**

[19:36]

wasn’t trying to crack a joke but ok

how did u even get my number]

**Unknown**

[19:37]

We went to the same grammar.

Everyone had everyone’s numbers.

**james**

[19:38]

rlly

then why don’t i jave yours

**Unknown**

[19:40]

I assume it’s because you think you’re better than me.

**james**

[19:42]

???

i don’t think that

**Unknown**

[19:43]

Oh please, you and your idiotic friends always swanned around the school thinking that you’re better than everyone.

**james**

[19:45]

lol you have it wrong

i don’t think i’m better than u

bc i already know i am :)

**Unknown**

[19:45]

You’ve always been an insufferable prick. God knows why you think you can lord yourself over everyone.

**james**

[19:46]

well you’ve always looked like you’ve just crawled out of a sewer so i guess wer’e even

**Unknown**

[19:46]

Funny.

How many brain cells did it cost you to come up with that one? You haven’t got many to lose as it is.

**james**

[19:47]

alright listen up pennywise, why are u messaging me

i mean i know i’m hard to resist, but you’re just not my type

i like my dates to have showered at some point this year

**Unknown**

[19:48]

As if I would even consider lowering my standards to you.

**James**

[19:49]

LMAO IM FUCKING DEAD

“LOWERING YORU STANDRARDS”

FMLLLLL

**Unknown**

[19:50]

Seriously do you even know how to spell?

Anyways,

**james**

[19:50]

why, am i not meeting your standards ahahahaha

**Unknown**

[19:51]

I just came to say that what you tried with Lily won’t work. Unlike all of the idiots who worshipped you at the grammar, she actually has brains and recognises talent when she sees it.

**james**

[19:52]

i thought we’ve been over this snape

knocking someone out w/ your stench isn’t talent, it’s unhygienic

**Unknown**

[19:52]

You see, I’ve been Lily’s best friend since we were kids.

So your sad attempt to turn her against me was… well, just that.

**james**

[19:53]

…

idk whether i’m more shocked that you have friends or just concerned for the poor girl

is she alright in the head?

**Unknown**

[19:54]

You dare say a word against Lily? Just because she isn’t tripping over her feet to impress you like Lupin and Pettigrew do? You’re not even worthy of looking at her.

**james**

[19:54]

now that just makes me want to stare at her all day

thanks for the suggestion snivellus

**Unknown**

[19:55]

No.

Stay away from Lily, Potter. I fucking mean it.

**james**

[19:55]

aww, it’s nice to see you care so much about her

ttyl xxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter i know, but severus is so hard to write omg. i keep trying to balance the image we have of him from the books with a sixteen year old working class boy who behaves as if he isn't from such a background but :/// i struggle
> 
> also james is such a little shit omg


	7. 7.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter doubts.

**_swagwartz_ **

**peter crouch**

[09:17]

guyz idt i can do dis

i’m freakin owt

**remus lupout**

[09:23]

can’t do what, pete?

 

**peter crouch**

[09:23]

physics!!!!

itz only da 1st lesson n itz alrdy hard :/

 

**remus lupout**

[09:24]

don’t worry about it, it just seems that way bc it’s college

didn’t mcg tell us that the jump from gcses to a levels is bigger than the one from a levels to uni?

 

**peter crouch**

[09:24]

omg is it rlly???

i cant do it!!!! i’m not smart enuff

 

**remus lupout**

[09:25]

that’s not what i meant, idiot

i meant

it’s natural to find it hard?? but i bet you’re gonna look back at this in a couple of months and think it’s actually really easy

 

**peter crouch**

[09:25]

but im not smart lyk u guyz

i shouldnt have taken this

 

**remus lupout**

[09:26]

tf peter, you got an A* in physics???

i just about scraped my B

 

**peter crouch**

[09:26]

they probs just made a mistak w my exam papr

 

**sirius white**

[09:26]

probably ye

 

**remus lupout**

[09:27]

wtf sirius, piss off

 

**sirius white**

[09:27]

um actually i came here to tell u guys to

bc i’m trying to talk to this girl adn my phone keeps buzzin

 

**remus lupout**

[09:27]

put it on silent then, dipshit

wait, what girl?

 

**peter crouch**

[09:28]

c even sirius agrees im not smart enuff 4 dis class

i shuld drop out

 

**remus lupout**

[09:28]

do that and i’ll get @ _james_ to dropkick you

 

**peter crouch**

[09:29]

wat why??/

:(

 

**remus lupout**

[09:29]

because you’re fucking smart, pete, you just keep putting yourself down

ignore sirius, he’s just thinking with his dick atm

 

**sirius white**

[09:30]

at least i have one

 

**peter crouch**

[09:31]

idk i myt transfer to anuva class

mayb 1 of urs

 

**remus lupout**

[09:31]

don’t be stupid, you like physics

 

**peter crouch**

[09:31]

ye but

itz lonly here

w/o u guyz

 

**sirius white**

[09:32]

so make friends

duh

 

**remus lupout**

[09:32]

yeah

like sirius and his mystery girl

 

**sirius white**

[09:33]

not that much of a mystery

name’s marlene mckinnon and she owns three dogs

 

**remus lupout**

[09:33]

… okay?

anyways @ _peter crouch_ just see how it goes these next couple of weeks

you have four to switch subjects if you really want

 

**peter crouch**

[09:34]

ok :/

i’ll c how it goes

 

**sirius white**

[09:35]

ok if ur existential crisis is over

i need you all to shut up bc marlene’s talking to me again

 

**remus lupout**

[09:35]

maybe she’s mistaken you for one of her dogs

 

**peter crouch**

[09:35]

hahah gud 1

 

**sirius white**

[09:36]

fck off u piece of shit

 

**remus lupout**

[09:37]

you fuck off, you bloody twat

 

**sirius white**

[09:38]

no u fucj off u anaemic bastard

at least i have blood

 

**remus lupout**

[09:38]

i’m deficient in iron, not blood

you actually bellend

 

**sirius white**

[09:38]

“”actually” ye?

 

**remus lupoout**

[09:38]

…

fuck off, you crap kurt cobain knock-off

 

**sirius white**

[09:38]

u fuck off u bag of shrivelled dicks

 

**remus lupout**

[09:39]

what does that even mean

 

**sirius white**

[09:39]

that u have erectile dysfunction

dw it’s v common

ur not alone

 

**remus lupout**

[09:40]

is this your way of admitting you have it yourself

 

**sirius white**

[09:40]

my dick is working great actually

ask marlene mckinnon in a few weeks and she’ll probably tell u the same

just make sure u pick up viagra for urself on the way

 

**remus lupout**

[09:41]

ohmygod srsly fuck off

 

**sirius white**

[09:41]

u fuck off first

**james**

[09:41]

both of u fuck off

i’m trying to sleep here

**remus lupout**

[09:41]

don’t we hvae chem together at 10

**james**

[09:41]

…

shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like half of sirius' and remus' friendship is them telling each other to piss off over the group chat while they're like sharing a packet of crisps irl
> 
> also peter has a bit of a personality waheyye


	8. 8.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James is greasy, Sirius is royalty and Snape apparently lusts over admittedly attractive teenage boys at night.

**Unknown**

[11:08]

Stop staring at Lily.

**james**

[11:09]

new phone who dis

**Unknown**

[11:09]

Very funny, Potter.

**james**

[11:09]

how do u know my name

are u stalking me

do u lust after me late at night

**Unknown**

[11:09]

Don’t flatter yourself.

**james**

[11:10]

i thought you were supposed to be in a sinful relationship w/ the babadook

instead here you are lusting after admittedly attractive teenage boys

**Unknown**

[11:10]

I will never be attracted to you.

You sicken me.

**james**

[11:10]

how do i get u to leave me alone pennywise

i’m too young to die

**Unknown**

[11:10]

Believe me, I don’t want to speak to you either.

**james**

[11:11]

if i send u a selfie will u leave me alone

someone mustve made a wish for one at 11:11 bc here it is!!

my face has now blessed ur phone, ur welcome xxx

**Unknown**

[11:12]

But you keep staring at Lily and it’s honestly both pathetic and creepy. You might be sitting behind us, but I can feel your gaze and I can tell it’s making her uncomfortable. Stop it, Potter, or else. Whatever disturbing obsession you have with her stops today.

 

[11:13]

I. Don’t. Want. A. Picture. Of. You.

**james**

[11:13]

don’t act like it hasn’t just made ur day

you have now been graced with the rare sight of james 'magnificent' potter without glasses

**Unknown**

[11:13]

You’re the most egotistical prick I have ever had the misfortune to meet.

Words cannot describe the extent to which you sicken me.

**james**

[11:14]

ye well I’m not the one lusting after charming teenage boys late at night

i’m also not staring at evans

but if u want me to, i can start?

**Unknown**

[11:14]

No. I don’t.

**james**

[11:15]

okay

next time maybe <3

**james** has saved **Unknown** as **pennywise**

 

**james** has blocked **pennywise**

* * *

 

**_swagwartz_ **

**remus lupout**

[11:55]

anyone been let out from class yet?

me and james are stuck in chem still

 

**sirius white**

[11:55]

james and i*

you uncultured swine

 

**remus lupout**

[11:55]

alrite, just because you grew up drinking tea with the queen and breathing latin

 

**sirius white**

[11:56]

derideo te

you know, i actually think i’m descended from charles ii

 

**james**

[11:56]

sos jon snwl

**remus lupout**

[11:56]

… what?

**sirius white**

[11:56]

“so’s jon snow”

aka the lord commander

of my heart

 

**remus lupout**

[11:57]

whatevr

anyways have you been let out yet? sluggie’s going on about titrations still

 

**sirius white**

[11:57]

ye boi

 

**remus lupout**

[11:57]

save us a seat in the canteen

 

**sirius white**

[11:57]

why would i do that

 

**remus lupout**

[11:57]

because i always save you one

 

**sirius white**

[11:57]

lies

i’ll only save it if my one true love, james fleamont potter, asks me

 

**remus lupout**

[11:57]

he would but he’s too busy staring at evans

 

**sirius white**

[11:58]

????

wHO

 

**remus lupout**

[11:58]

that girl snape’s mates with

red hair

hella smart

 

**sirius white**

[11:58]

never did i think this day would come

the day where my own lover betrays me by lusting after sirens with fiery hair

and remus lupin says the word ‘hella’

**james**

[11:59]

lmao i’m not lusting after evans

snivellus gets all worked up about her so i’m staring at them to piss him off

**sirius white**

[11:59]

… i’ll accept your excuse

for now

your seat remains safe

remus, you’re gonna have to find your own

 

**remus lupout**

[11:59]

i’ll honestly just sit on yours instead

 

**sirius white**

[12:00]

can’t do that if i’m already sat on it

**james**

[12:00]

he can just sit on ur lap

lmao snivellus just glared at me

should i wink? i

‘m gonna wink

i just winked

**sirius white**

[12:00]

that honestly knocks me a bit sick ngl

**james**

[12:00]

same

i feel regret

**remus lupout**

[12:00]

yeah you actually looked so greasy

like

as greasy as his hair

**james**

[12:00]

um wHAT???/

xcuse me while I throw myself off a bridge xx

 

**remus lupout**

[12:01]

ohmygod i swear he’s never going to end the lesson

i can feel my will to live slowly leaving me

 

**Peter crouch**

[12:01]

guyz u shuld srsly hurry up, theres chill concari

 

**sirius white**

[12:01]

tf is that

 

**peter crouch**

[12:01]

we had it last week!!! rember???

 

**remus lupout**

[12:02]

con carne* pete

omg

is it called chilli con carne bc carne is spanish for meat??

 

**sirius white**

[12:02]

holy shit what

NO WAY

OMG

WHAT

HOW

 

**remus lupout**

[12:02]

i feel like my whole life is a lie

also evans just caught james staring and gave him the scariest glare ever

like

mcg levels

 

**sirius white**

[12:02]

um wow someone better hold my earrings

bc i’m ready to defend my best friend

by cutting this bitch up

 

**remus lupout**

[12:02]

james just winked at her

he’s so fucking greasy omg

okay we’re about to be let out

think evans might pounce so i’m gonna try to grab james and run

**james**

[12:05]

evans just threatened to shove a burette up my arse if i don’t leave snape alone

i said she should take me on a date before she mentions her kinks

pretty sure she just murdered me in her mind lmaooo

**remus lupout**

[12:06]

i am honestly so done fml

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> according to allwomenstalk, derideo te means "i laugh at you". imma trust what it says because your girl does not know latin. don't be afraid to holler at me in the comments, if only to let me know i'm not the only person finding any of this mildly amusing. bc if i am... that's a bit sad
> 
> brb crying in the club


	9. 9.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “how about no.” – remus lupin (2015)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chappie's a bit experimental in that we get to explore another POV. i'm just messing about with things, seeing what works and what doesn't :)

**marlene mckinnon**

[06:05]

Hey, Black. You up yet?

**sirius black**

[10:03]

what kind of monster wakes up at 6

**marlene mckinnon**

[10:11]

Haha, you sound just like Lily

She always likes to tell me how unnatural it is to ‘rise with the sun’

**sirius black**

[10:14]

you can tell this lily that i agree

what do u even do in the middle of the night

**marlene mckinnon**

[10:14]

Oh, I like to wake up early to jog! ^.^

**sirius black**

[10:16]

you poor thing

 who hurt you like this

**marlene mckinnon**

[10:17]

Don’t be a twat, it’s actually really fun lol

Keeps me in shape

**sirius black**

[10:18]

well, i can’t argue with that

**marlene mckinnon**

[10:20]

Shut up :P

Anyways, I got a text yesterday about this party a friend of mine is throwing. Name’s Emma Vance, you might know her?

She said I can invite as many people as I want so are you up for it?

**sirius black**

[10:21]

oh sweetheart

if you think i’m going to say no to a party, you clearly don’t know me well

**marlene mckinnon**

[10:23]

Well, I guess I can get to know you more when I see you at the party?

^.^

**sirius black**

[10:23]

text me the details and we’ll see

**marlene mckinnon**

[10:24]

Ooh, mysterious.

But sure, will do :)

**sirius black**

[10:24]

ahh, you’re a sweetheart

i’ll talk to you later, yeah? got a call coming through

**marlene mckinnon**

[10:25]

Yeah, of course. See ya!

* * *

**_swagwartz_ **

**peter crouch**

[10:48]

mumz dragd meh owt w her :(

__  


send halp

**james**

[10:55]

i would but

cba getting out of bed

 

**peter crouch**

[10:55]

:(((((

do u thnk mum wil let meh go 2 greggs??

i can c remus if ah do

 

**james**

[10:56]

idk ask

now if you’ll excuse me, i’m going to beat my high score on piano tiles

 

**peter crouch**

[10:56]

no pls dnt leave me!!!

james

sirius

remus

anybody???

why iz no1 on the gc -.-

 

[11:12]

ah just saw remus

cudnt stay n talk bc there wer a lot of customers :(

n mum wantd 2 buy skinny jeanz 4 herself

 

[11:17]

cheese pasties r so nice

dey crumbl so nicely

n the cheese melts in ur mouth

n the txture of the pasty wiv teh cheese is gr8

i rlly want anuva 1

 

**sirius white**

[11:20]

boys

i have great news

listen up

 

**peter crouch**

[11:20]

sirius!!!!

yur here!!!!

 

**sirius white**

[11:20]

yes, i am, and your life just got a whole lot better

 

**peter crouch**

[11:20]

gud

sirius shud i get anuva cheese pasty?? or mayb i shuld get a sausage roll??

idk wich 1 2 get bc ive alredy gotten a cheese pasty but then agen i rlly lyk cheese :///

cheese is so gr8

i rlly RLLY lyke cheese tbh

 

**sirius white**

[11:22]

literally no part of me cares about your fetishes, peter

as disturbing as they are, i have more important news

 

**peter crouch**

[11:22]

soZ

 

**sirius white**

[11:23]

WE’RE GOING TO A PARTY BOYS

GET YOUR FUCKING OUTFITS TOGETHER, WE ARE ABOUT TO PAINT THE TOWN RED

AND GET PISSED

BC WE’RE GOING TO A PARTY BOYS

 

**james**

[11:24]

i stg if u fucking bastards don’t shut up, i’m going to beat u to death with my grandad’s long lost leg

made me fucking lose piano tiles u selfish fuckers

wait, there’s a party??? WHt

sign me tf up

 

**sirius white**

[11:24]

u literally just called me a selfish fucker

**james**

[11:25]

ye

as a pet name

duh

 

**sirius white**

[11:25]

sorry, my bad babe <33

 

**peter crouch**

[11:26]

hus party iz it??

 

**sirius white**

[11:26]

girl called emma vance

**james**

[11:26]

emma vance?

i think there’s an emma in my bio, might be her

really curly hair?? tall af??

 

**sirius white**

[11:27]

fuck knows, i’ve never met her

 

**peter crouch**

[11:27]

y r we goin 2 a party @ her house then

if we dnt kno her

 

**james**

[11:28]

OH MY GOD

ARE WE CRASHING A PARTY

IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT

IT LOOKS SO COOL IN THE MOVIES

 

**sirius white**

[11:28]

OMG IKR???? #GOALS

but nah marlene invited me, it’s her mate

 

**peter crouch**

[11:28]

*she

 

**sirius white**

[11:28]

*fuck off

 

**james**

[11:29]

oh, i really wanted to crash a party :(

there goes that dream

**sirius white**

[11:29]

i mean technically only i was invited

so you’re sort of crashing?

**james**

[11:29]

yasss i am a rebel

rebellion is officially my middle name

 

**sirius white**

[11:30]

well it’s better than fleamont, that’s for sure

**james**

[11:30]

wow did i ask to be attacked like this

 

**peter crouch**

[11:30]

 

**sirius white**

[11:31]

but yeah, there’s a party tonight

we can crash at mine afterwards

uncle a should be okay with it

 

**peter crouch**

[11:31]

lol

uncl a

shuld b okay

 

**james**

[11:31]

are we bringing our own alcohol?

**sirius white**

[11:32]

idk i’ll ask marlene in a bit

 

**peter crouch**

[11:33]

is she da 1 with 3 dogs?

 

**sirius white**

[11:33]

yup

 

**peter crouch**

[11:33]

nice

 

**remus lupout**

[16:33]

just got back from work

sitting on the bus for forty fucking minutes drains me of everything i own

also i can’t make it to the party, sorry

i have a lot of assignments due

have fun boys

**james**

[16:44]

what???

nooooo

forget about your assignments, it’s the first party of the year

WHERE ARE YOUR PRIORITIES

 

**remus lupout**

[16:45]

with my research methods booklet

and my desire to actually pass college

 

**james**

[16:45]

what a nerd

who even studies anymore

**remus lupout**

[16:45]

says the boy who made over 100 flashcards for biology

that ended up being used by everyone

including our head of department

**james**

[16:46]

sometimes i surprise myself with how awesome i am

 

**peter crouch**

[16:46]

ur always awesum james!!

**james**

[16:47]

thanks pete

 

**sirius white**

[16:47]

_@remus lupout_ wdym you’re not coming to the party???

ofc you are???

(also pete, stop thirsting over james pls, he’s mine)

 

**remus lupout**

[16:47]

i’m really not

 

**peter crouch**

[16:47]

y not? :/

(soz)

 

**remus lupout**

[16:47]

homework

plus i’m feeling a bit lightheaded

see you guys later, i’m off to eat my tea

 

**sirius white**

[16:48]

you’re going to the party, remus

i mean it

(do it again and i'll shove a kebab skewer in your left eye x)

 

* * *

**sirius black**

[16:50]

i’m okay to bring a couple of friends right?

**marlene mckinnon**

[17:01]

Sure!

The more the merrier x

**sirius black**

[17:01]

should we bring our own drinks?

**marlene mckinnon**

[17:03]

You can, but no need to bring a lot

Emma usually has these things covered :)

**sirius black**

[17:04]

nice

see you in a few hours ;)

**marlene mckinnon**

[17:05]

I’ll be waiting x

* * *

**sirius black**

[17:07]

did you know a wise man once said

“remus, you fucking piece of shit, you’re coming to this party tonight”

?

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:10]

did you know a wiser man once said:

“no.”

**sirius black**

[17:10]

did you know an even wiser man once said

“i literally have no shame and will drag u away from ur boring as shit research methods booklet and show absolutely no fucking mercy as i force u to go to emma vance’s party.”

??

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:11]

did you know

that the only way i couldn’t give less of a shit about what he said

was if i was chronically constipated

**sirius black**

[17:12]

okay that actually made me laugh

but seriously remus

you have to come

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:12]

pretty sure i don’t

**sirius black**

[17:13]

you really do

it’s the first party of the year!!

who misses that out for some HOMEWORK

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:13]

evidently me

**sirius black**

[17:13]

aw come on

no one even cares about homework at the start of the year

don’t be such a nerd

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:14]

there’s literally no point in me coming

the music’s going to make my headache worse

peter’s gonna start crying over cheese again

james is probably gonna break his ankle trying to dance on a table

and god only knows what you’re going to do

**sirius black**

[17:15]

idk maybe snog marlene mckinnon

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:15]

pretty sure you don’t need me there for that

**sirius black**

[17:15]

well yeah obviously

but you never know, you might find someone to snog yourself

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:16]

like who

**sirius black**

[17:16]

idk

emma vance?

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:16]

1) you just said her name bc you literally know no one else

2) i’ve known emmeline vance since i was four years old so that’s a hard pass there

but nice try

**sirius black**

[17:16]

wait you KNOW her??

does that mean you know marlene too

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:17]

no

**sirius black**

[17:17]

fair enough lol

but you’re still coming

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:17]

“How about no.” – Remus Lupin (2015)

**sirius black**

[17:18]

pleaaaaaase you have to come

who else is supposed to pretend to be a responsible drinker only to accidentally down a glass of vodka and suddenly end up swearing at everyone and their mother and trying to beat up the mop

:((((

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:19]

piss off x

**sirius black**

[17:19]

no

i refuse to

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:19]

i will honestly block your pathetic arse

**sirius black**

[17:20]

“pathetic,” he says derisively as he skips out on a party for a hot date with his psychology homework

listen if you come to the party

i’ll get my uncle to pick you up for college for the next week

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:20]

??

**sirius black**

[17:20]

i mean, you have to wake up at a stupid time to bus it in

since you live pretty far from us and the college

this way you can sleep in a bit

i’d offer to do your homework instead, but i think you’d rather stab yourself

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:23]

…

fine

but you’re sorting out my drinks

**sirius black**

[17:23]

AYYYYYEEE I KNWE I COULD BREAK YOU DOWN

TURN IT FUCKING UPPPPP

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:23]

please stop talking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol poor peter. no one will keep him company. also lmao james is lowkey me when it comes to piano tiles, i recently redownloaded it and felt THE RAGE when my friends decided to be sociable and actually message me like what is up with that???
> 
> bit of shameless self-promotion here: i recently uploaded a one shot on ao3 called 'ice baby' and if you like ice hockey player james potter and figure-skating lily evans with the mouth of a sailor all wrapped up in a soulmate au, you should probs read it. if you don't like that, you should still help a girl out and read it.
> 
> (lol remember when i said i'm putting no pressure on myself when it comes to this fic? well, it's nearly been a month so i am living up to that promise evidently)


	10. 10.

**_swagwartz_ **

**remus lupout**

[20:54]

two minutes into this party

and i’ve already lost you all

fucking bellends

 

**peter crouch**

[20:56]

in da bathroom

need a wee

**remus lupout**

[20:56]

and the other two?

**peter crouch**

[20:57]

dk

1 sec need 2 put mah phone down 2 wee

**remus lupout**

[20:57]

…

why did i do this to myself

i am alone

and sober

and alone

oh wait i recognise a couple of people from primary, i think

might make conversation

seeing as how you dicks have all fucked off to nowhere

[21:04]

have i mnetioned how much i hate u guys

and socialising

bc i honest to god hate it

 

**james**

[21:05]

remus!!

i’m in the shed at the bottom of the garden

come meet me

 

**remus lupout**

[21:07]

tf are you in a shed for

 

**james**

[21:08]

the question is

why AREN’T u in a shed

 

**remus lupout**

[21:10]

…

can’t argue with that

be there in a few

 

**peter crouch**

[21:11]

omw

 

**remus lupout**

[21:11]

did peter actually use coherent text speak for once

 

**peter crouch**

[21:12]

dnt b mean ah just lyk savin tym

 

**remus lupout**

[21:12]

“ah” suppose you must get a lot done with all the time you save

 

**james**

[21:12]

BOYS STFU ND JOJN ME OMG

EVANS JUST WALKED IN

WTF WHY THSI IS INSANE

**remus lupout**

[21:13]

fuck

don't terrorise the poor girl pls

 

**james**

[21:13]

no promises :)

 

* * *

 

**_swagwartz_ **

**sirius white**

[21:22]

i can’t believe the fiery minx who is stealing my bezzer away from me

this ‘evans’’’’

is mates with marlene

 

**remus lupout**

[21:23]

i can’t believe u use the words ‘fiery minx’ and ‘bezzer’ unironically

 

**peter crouch**

[21:24]

i cnt beleev snep is cumming 2 a party

 

**sirius white**

[21:24]

okay srsly i know i ignore ur atrocious spelling 95% of the time for the sake of our friendship

but spell ‘coming’ the right way pete for the love of god

 

**peter crouch**

[21:24]

watz rong wiv cumming

 

**sirius white**

[21:24]

pETE

 

**remus lupout**

[21:24]

ohmygod peter stop

do you not realise how that looks

 

**peter crouch**

[21:25]

but i dnt mean it dat way??

ur da 1z takin it dirty

so itz ur fault

derz nuthin rong wiv cumming

 

**sirius white**

[21:26]

while we appreciate ur sex-positive attitude, peter,

fucking stop before i shove ur phone up snape’s arse

 

**remus lupout**

[21:26]

can u not

 

**sirius white**

[21:26]

yeah, i don’t think i can bring myself to be within a mile of him

nvm

i can’t believe i’m sat in a shed watching james be seduced by this evans creature

 

**peter crouch**

[21:27]

??

she h8s him tho?? ah thought he was annoyin her

 

**remus lupout**

[21:27]

she is

 

**sirius white**

[21:27]

fine

i can’t believe that marlene is taking so long to piss in a bloody toilet that i’m sat in a shed watching james annoy this evans creature

 

**remus lupout**

[21:28]

i can’t believe i’m sat in a fucking shed

 

**peter crouch**

[21:40]

oh ur frend iz bck sirius

marlene

she mustv got distracktd by others in da house

 

**sirius white**

[21:40]

fucking finally

boys you’re about to see me get off with someone tonight

 

**remus lupout**

[21:42]

yeah i’m heading to the house to grab a few drinks since there's nothing to do here

see you guys in a bit

 

* * *

 

**_swagwartz_ **

**peter crouch**

[22:10]

remus wher r u

sirius has gon off wiv marlene somewhere

james is about 2 do a kegstand

u shud cum see

 

**remus lupout**

[22:15]

just talking to some old friends

i’ll come back in a bit

 

**peter crouch**

[22:21]

ok

ah tuck a pic 4 u

of james

he looks cool

**james**

[22:24]

im the coiilest guy evr

snivellus is well jel of me

 

**remus lupout**

[22:25]

i

honestly can’t believe there was once a time when I thought someone who unironically says “well jel” was cool

eleven year old remus, what were you on

 

* * *

 

**_swagwartz_ **

**peter crouch**

[22:57]

remus!!!

pick up mah call plzz!!!

itz urgent!!

 

**sirius white**

[22:59]

peter stfu i’m trying to snog marlene

and ur buzzing is fuckign distracting me

 

**peter crouch**

[23:00]

no but itz importutn!!

sirius james iz abt 2 get in2 a fite

 

**sirius white**

[23:00]

WHAT

WHERE

HOW

WHO TEH FCUK IS GOING TO FIGHT MY MAN

WTF

 

**peter crouch**

[23:00]

snape!!!!

 

**sirius white**

[23:00]

wtf is that bastard doing at a party

who GAVE HIM THE RIGHT

where are you guys? i’m omw

 

* * *

 

**_swagwartz_ **

**remus lupout**

[01:03]

so

our first party of the year

and james threw vodka in snape’s face

and then had vodka thrown into HIS face by evans

and then emma vance kicked us out of her house

and peter stole her cheddar cheese on the way out

and we made it a total of two streets away from her place before james vomited onto the side of the road

 

**peter crouch**

[01:04]

da cheese woz goin 2 go out of d8 n ther was a lot left alrite

dnt judge me

 

**sirius white**

[01:05]

u forgot the bit where i got off with marlene

 

**peter crouch**

[01:05]

how far did u go wiv her

n y r we typin wen we r all in da same rm

 

**remus lupout**

[01:05]

bc james is a light sleeper duh

 

**sirius white**

[01:06]

it got a bit handsy but we didn’t do too much

i am a classy person alright

i don’t put out on the first night

 

**remus lupout**

[01:07]

you're practically an angel

 

**sirius white**

[01:07]

what and ever

did u get some urself remy boi

u disappeared for most of the night

 

**remus lupout**

[01:08]

nah i was just with benjy and the boys

 

**sirius white**

[01:08]

who tf is benjy

and his boys

 

**remus lupout**

[01:08]

i grew up with them

peter i stg if you don’t stop eating that fucking cheese i will stab you

the smell’s knocking me sick

 

**peter crouch**

[01:09]

:(((

soz

am hungry

 

**remus lupout**

[01:09]

i still can’t believe you stole emma vance’s cheese

 

**sirius white**

[01:09]

lmao classic pettigrew

you know what i still can’t believe? that james actually gave snape his first shower of the year

i love college


	11. 11.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which james goes on a bit of a rampage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason my chapter notes from ch10 didn't save. i can't remember most of what they said but: we finally reached 1k reads!! yay, i'm happy. it's the small things in life, right? :P

**_swagwartz_ **

**james**

[12:22]

let it be known that sirius orion black is the sexiest beast to roam the seven corners of the world

he is my everything and i cry just thinking of the day he might leave this world

how is it possible for such a fine specimen to exist?

i know not, i can only admire ardently from afar

 

**peter crouch**

[12:24]

kk

 

* * *

 

**james**

[12:23]

just so you know mum i’ve done cocaine

i smoke that pot

i pop them e’s

i am a bad bad boy

 

* * *

 

 

**mikey from bio**

[10:08]

hey potter did you do the hw due for monday?

what did you get for q5, help a mate out

 

**james**

[12:25]

mikey bbe i would be glad to help you out

but first

drill into me

**mikey from bio**

[12:29]

wtf

 

* * *

 

 

**james** has unblocked **pennywise**

**james**

[12:26]

idk how to say this but…

**pennywise**

[12:26]

What do you want, Potter?

****

**james**

[12:28]

Every night, I lay there in my bed as sleep evades me, tyring to empty my mind, only to find that my efforts are futile. Why, you ask? Because much as I try to empty my mind, you dominate every train of thought much like how I wish you would dominate me. You see, Snape, my loins burn for you with a fire I’ve never known before. I’ve tried to take care of it myself (insert winky face here, you know what I mean, you naughty boy), but nothing works! So I have a proposition for you, Severus Snape: you, me, my bed, midnight. It’ll be a whale of a time, I promise.

(P.S: I like lace garters! No vanilla sex for this guy xxx)

* * *

 

**james**

[12:29]

i love you

 

**sirius white**

[12:29]

aw, thanks babe

ily2

 

* * *

 

**james**

[12:30]

step away from the fucking cheese

**peter crouch**

[12:30]

… hw did u no am havin cheese???

**james**

[12:30]

you're always having cheese, pete.

* * *

**james**

[12:30]

hey there sexy ;)

**remus lupout**

[12:31]

hey sirius

**james**

[12:31]

um it’s not sirius?? this is james’ phone

silly remington, your brain’s all over the place!

**remus lupout**

[12:31]

sure jan

where’s james at?

**james**

[12:31]

i’m right HERE fsvfnm,fdsfdggtrnhgtmrpo,getpeg efcv

khdbbfgdkmlf,;vfc

sorry remus, it’s actually james here

i made the mistake of leaving my phoen in the room w/ sirius when i went for a shit

he hasn’t said anything weird, has he?

 

**remus lupout**

[12:33]

check for yourself mate

**james**

[12:33]

fuck

 

* * *

 

**mum <3**

[12:31]

James Fleamont Potter, this had best be a joke

 

**james**

[12:34]

OH MYGOD MUM IT WAS A JOKE

SIRIUS WAS MESSING ABOUT ON YM PHONE

PLS BELIEVE ME IVE NEVR DONE DRUGS IN MY LIFE

IAM AN ANGLE

AN ANGEL TOO

 

**mum <3**

[12:35]

Why am I not surprised.

 

**james**

[12:35]

i’m sorry mama <333

love you

**mum <3**

[12:35]

Stop sucking up to me

**james**

[12:35]

W O W

this is why dad’s my favourite

 

**mum <3**

[12:35]

eh, it’s okay, peter’s mine

 

**james**

[12:35]

HE’S NOT EVEN YOUR SON

I AM

**mum <3**

[12:36]

Unfortunately.

 

**james**

[12:36]

wow

wOW

 

* * *

 

 

**james**

[12:36]

omg ignore that mikey

my best mate stole my phone

fucking bellend

**mikey from bio**

[12:37]

lmao it happens to the best of us

so q5??

**james**

[12:37]

that the one about the potatoes??

concentration of amylase is higher in the visking tube

give me ten, i’ll send a pic of my question booklet

 

**mikey from bio**

[12:37]

nice one mate

 

* * *

 

**_swagwartz_ **

**james**

[12:38]

as you can see, sirius hijacked my phone

 

**sirius white**

[12:38]

lies

i’m not even in your house

 

**peter crouch**

[12:39]

is dat y u sent dat weird messg?

abt me eatin cheese??

 

**remus lupout**

[12:39]

when are you not eating cheese tbh

 

**james**

[12:39]

ikrr

stay away from the cheese peter

stay away from the damn cheese

 

* * *

 

**pennywise**

[12:29]

You’re disgusting.

I suppose this is your latest attempt to antagonise me? By saying such vile things? Well, think again. I would never stoop so low to even consider looking your way. Keep your perversions to yourself and don’t message me again.

 

[12:40]

That’s what I thought.

 

**james**

[12:40]

um first of all, that was sirius playing a prank on me

and second of all, don’t worry about my “perversions” since there’s no way in hell i could ever stomach coming within a mile radius of u

the thought knocks me sick so

ur safe

**pennywise**

[12:43]

Spare me your pathetic excuses, Potter. Go and bother someone who cares.

 

**james**

[12:43]

sure will

do you think marlene will pass on a certain redhead’s number if i asked nicely? evans has seemed to take a liking to me ever since that party

**pennywise**

[12:44]

Nice try.

I know that Lily hates you.

 

**james**

[12:45]

hmm didn’t seem like it when i saw her in the library

she told me she’s never met someone like me before

doesn’t seem like she hates me

 

**pennywise**

[12:45]

You’re lying.

 

**james**

[12:46]

i’m really not

see ya pennywise xxx

 

* * *

 

**Unknown**

[16:56]

Is this james potter’s number?

 

**james**

[16:56]

sure is

who’s this?

 

**Unknown**

[16:56]

Lily.

 

**james**

[16:56]

who??

 

**Unknown**

[16:57]

Lily evans? We have maths and chem together? I threw vodka on you a week ago bc you were acting like a prick?

I know you know who I am

 

**james**

[16:57]

ohhhh

it’s EVANS

how did you get my number? can’t imagine snivellus would want you to have it, he’s pretty possessive over you

 

**Unknown**

[16:58]

Don’t call him that, it pisses me off.

And I got it off remus

 

**james**

[16:58]

you have remus’ number???

wth how & why

**Unknown**

[16:59]

Well yeah, half of my friends know remus? A lot of them went to the same primary school as him and kept in contact over the years

We share one of our frees and he sat with us in the library last time

Anyways, that’s not important

 

**james**

[16:59]

um remus is always important actually

excuse urself

**Unknown**

[17:00]

Honestly, shut up

Listen, I just came here to tell you to leave sev alone. Stop antagonising him, stop messaging him, stop spreading bullshit about stuff I’ve apparently said just bc you know it’s going to upset him

 

**james**

[17:00]

what bullshit

**Unknown**

[17:00]

You’re making out like I fancy you, for one. You know full well that I said I’ve never met anyone as arrogant as you the other day and you know I haven’t been meeting up with you in secret. Stop using me bc you have a stupid pissing contest with someone who doesn’t care. It’s just pissing everyone off.

 

**james**

[17:02]

ok i never made out like u meet up with me in secret wtf

i’ll be honest, i stare u out bc ik it pisses off pennywise

he’s weirdly possessive over u and it amuses me

 

**Unknown**

[17:02]

He’s not possessive, he’s just looking out for me

 

**james**

[17:02]

if u insist sweetheart

 

**Unknown**

[17:02]

Just leave him alone. Hogwarts isn’t like your stupid grammar, you can’t just bully people bc you feel like it. It doesn’t work like that here

 

**james**

[17:03]

i never bullied snivellus ?

 

**Unknown**

[17:03]

???

Yes you did?? You literally JUST called him snivellus

 

**james**

[17:03]

look i’m not going to say i behaved like a saint or anything

but it’s not bullying if it’s reciprocated

anything i did to snape, he did back

and vice versa

 

**Unknown**

[17:04]

You kicked a football at his head in yr 9.

 

**james**

[17:04]

and then he burnt the sleeve of my blazer w/ a bunsen burner

so i pantsed him in the canteen

and he wiped my coursework from my memory stick after i spent twenty hours on it

so ur boyfriend isn’t innocent, evans, he’s just as bad as the rest of us

 

**Unknown**

[17:29]

Whatever.

Just leave him alone.

 

**james**

[17:29]

i’d say ok

but i’d probably be lying

 

**Unknown**

[17:30]

You’re such a fucking dick, you know that right?

 

**james**

[17:30]

lmao if u insist

see u in maths tomorrow

 

**james** has saved **Unknown** as **evans babe**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> james is a bit of a prick towards the end, but do bear in mind that he is a sixteen year old boy. they're not the brightest of the lot, are they? :P
> 
> sirius messing about on james' phone totally isn't me idk what you're on about


	12. 12.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which peter is funny, james prays and the boys give some life advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i don't think i've ever made this explicitly clear, but in my head the fic was set at around late 2015ish onwards. however, the rise of a new [meme](https://www.thrillist.com/news/nation/gru-girl-meme-gorls-despicable-me) has completely obliterated that so the time it is set is ambiguously modern from now on.
> 
> disclaimers: i don't mean any offence by the references to catholicism here. i am basing it off conversations my catholic/christian friends have had around me so please bear that in mind when reading the comments by the boys. they are, as i've mentioned before, shitty sixteen/seventeen year old british teens.

**_swagwartz_ **

**sirius white**

[10:23]

i am so fucking bored omg

my politics teacher is so shit

i hate politics omfg

why did i choose this stupid as fuck a level

 

**james**

[10:27]

OH MY FUKING GOD

THEREW AS A BUG IN MY BEDROOM THAT I WAS KEEPING AN EYE ON BC IT’S FUCKING TERRIFYING

BUT BC I AM A CHILDOF GOD I DO NOT MINDLESSLY KILL OTHR CREATURES AND WHAT NOT

BUT I GLANCED AWAY FOR A SEC AND NOWIT’S GONE ADN I’M ABOUT TO DIE

 

**sirius white**

[10:28]

dw my brother

we will die as one

 

**james**

[10:28]

I AM LEGIT PRAYING

EXCEPT I’VE NEVER BEEN TO CHURCH SO IDK ANY PRAYERS

QUICK RECITE THE BIBLE CATHOLIC BOI

**sirius white**

[10:29]

wow just bc i was brought up catholic doesn’t mean i automatically know all the prayers

i don’t even go to church myself

 

**remus lupout**

[10:29]

ye but remember when we first got pissed in yr 10 and you kept sending voicenotes of psalms to piss off your brother

 

**sirius white**

[10:29]

fUcK off

let me liVE

 

**james**

[10:30]

SOMEONE SAVE ME I AM NOT PISSING ABOUT HERE

OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN

(SIRIUS BBE PLS IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE HELP ME)

 

**sirius white**

[10:30]

only bc u called me babe <3

“in my distress i called to the Lord, and he answered me. from deep in the realm of the dead i called for help, and you listened to my cry.” – Jonah 2:2

 

**james**

[10:31]

…that is surprisingly appropriate bc i just saw the monster fly out the window omg

you have saved me

 

**sirius white**

[10:31]

mother would be proud

actually she probably wouldn’t, she’s still racist last i checked

 

**remus lupout**

[10:31]

lovely.

 

**james**

[10:31]

well.

ik she’s ur mum and all but jc am i glad ur out of that house, mate

 

**sirius white**

[10:31]

you and me both tbh

 

**peter crouch**

[10:31]

guyz i aktully undastand my psych lesson!!!

idl resurch methodz tho :// cnt w8 4 break

 

**james**

[10:32]

o shit i was planning on coming in for break

i start at 12 today but i wanted to see you all

**remus lupout**

[10:32]

cute <3

**james**

[10:32]

listen here u anaemic shit

u do not take the piss out of james sexonlegs potter alright?

especially when i'm being sweet as fuck

**remus lupout**

[10:32]

oh ffs

never call yourself that again

 

**peter crouch**

[10:32]

r yu juss cumin in 4 12 den james

will u b der @ lunch?

 

**james**

[10:33]

ye it’s just break i won’t be here

don’t miss me too much xx

 

**remus lupout**

[10:33]

too late, pete’s already crying

 

**peter crouch**

[10:33]

am nt!!

wudve bin better if u wer here tho james :( nw itz gona b juss me, remus n sirius

 

**sirius white**

[10:33]

nah it’ll just be you and remington i’m afraid

 

**remus lupout**

[10:33]

?

why

you’re in college rn

 

**sirius white**

[10:34]

marlene just texted me

wants me to pick her up from business

 

**james**

[10:34]

sirius u dirty piece of shit

u dog

u RASCAL

**peter crouch**

[10:34]

y duz she wnt 2 pik u up??

 

**sirius white**

[10:34]

she wants *me* to pick *her* up

and why do you think

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

**remus lupout**

[10:34]

well

 

**peter crouch**

[10:34]

ohhhhh

 

**james**

[10:34]

R A S C AL

are u gonna go behind the smoking shelters again

 

**remus lupout**

[10:35]

again?

 

**sirius white**

[10:35]

well yeah

why do you think i left lunch early the other day

 

**remus lupout**

[10:35]

chronic constipation

 

**sirius white**

[10:35]

go fuck urself x

 

**james**

[10:35]

lmao

**peter crouch**

[10:35]

hav fun sirius!!

becoz of u derz gonna b 1 less lonly girl

or shud i say

**remus lupout**

[10:35]

ohmygod

 

**james**

[10:35]

OH MY GOD

PETER

I AM ACTUALLY FUCKIN WHZEEING OMG

THAT’S THE FUNNIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SAID

 

**sirius white**

[10:35]

i officially take back every mean comment i've said about your memes

i fucking love that meme

 

**peter crouch**

[10:36]

mayk marlene feel lyk she’s da only gorl in da world

a california gorl

 

**sirius white**

[10:36]

a spice gorl

 

**james**

[10:36]

like she’s as iconic katniss everdeen the gorl on fire

**remus lupout**

[10:36]

or she’s gonna be gone gorl

 

**james**

[10:36]

fml

i am actually crying

 

**peter crouch**

[10:36]

**james**

[10:37]

PETER STOP

**sirius white**

[10:37]

i’m trying really hard not to laugh out loud in the middle of politics fucking hell

my stomach hurts

i better have a six pac after this

who knew peter was actually funny

 

**peter crouch**

[10:37]

am funny!!!#

mayb if yu didnt snog marlene n stayd wiv us ud no

 

**james**

[10:38]

holy fucking shit

shots fired

**remus lupout**

[10:38]

who knew peter was savage as well as hilarious

 

**sirius white**

[10:38]

aw pete i didn’t know you missed me that much when i’m gone

i’d say i’m sorry but marlene’s a great kisser so i won’t

 

**remus lupout**

[10:38]

well at least you’re honest

 

**sirius white**

[10:38]

;)

don’t miss me too much during break boys

since you'll both be all on your lonesome

 

**remus lupout**

[10:39]

nah we’ll probably hang around with benjy’s lot

 

**james**

[10:39]

wait is that the group with evans in it

**remus lupout**

[10:39]

ehh sort of but not really?

emma vance has this on-again off-again thing with dearborn and he’s one of benjy’s boys

so they hang out a lot but not all the time or anything

 

**peter crouch**

[10:40]

das kwl remus

i lyk benjy

 

**sirius white**

[10:40]

why

isn’t he the kid who’s high half the time

 

**james**

[10:40]

yeah

nice bloke tho

 

**sirius white**

[10:40]

more like he’s a bad influence

 

**remus lupout**

[10:40]

alright mum calm down

it’s not like he’s forcing it on anyone

 

**peter crouch**

[10:40]

yeh he offerd it 2 me x1 but stopd wen ah sed i dnt do dat sort of fing

no peer presrue

*preshur

 

**sirius white**

[10:40]

*pressure

if you’re going to correct the spelling, at least do it right

i still don’t trust this benjy though

 

**remus lupout**

[10:41]

lmao why

i’ve known him ever since we were kids, he’s harmless

 

**sirius white**

[10:41]

things can change though

 

**james**

[10:41]

you're just threatened bc he’s more punk rock than you

**sirius white**

[10:41]

NO ONE IS MORE PUNK ROCK THAN ME

LEAST OF ALL BENJY FENWICK

 

**remus lupout**

[10:41]

calm down

it’s just punk rock

 

**sirius white**

[10:42]

fuck u bitch

punk rock is life

 

**remus lupout**

[10:42]

wow you listen to AM once and suddenly you’re indie

 

**sirius white**

[10:42]

fight me bitch.

 

**james**

[10:42]

lemme get to college first so i can video it pls

i’m always a slut for drama

 

**sirius white**

[10:43]

oh thank god the bell just rang

is this the sweet taste of freedom

 

**peter crouch**

[10:43]

 

**remus lupout**

[10:43]

how are you always so prepared

 

**peter crouch**

[10:43]

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

**sirius white**

[10:44]

alright see you losers at lunch or whatever

i’m off to taste something else that’s sweet

 

**remus lupout**

[10:44]

that's actually nasty

c’mon pete, i’ll meet you in costa where benjy and the gang usually stay

 

**sirius white**

[10:44]

-.-

 

**remus lupout**

[10:44]

?

 

**peter crouch**

[10:44]

kwl

b der in 5

 

**james**

[10:45]

don't do drugs kids

stay in school and use condoms

don’t want to end up pregnant or under The Influence

OH MY FUCKING GOD THE BEAST IS BACK

MUMD DMBIHWQEPI[OPNDS X

FUCK THIS SHIT I’M OUT OF HERE

SAYONARABITCH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it's been like a month wahey how you all doing. exams are around the corner, i am exhausted, it is half 2 in the morning so this chapter is probably complete and utter shit, and canon bellarke is all i want from life.
> 
> holler at me in the comment section <3
> 
> *note: sirius mentions his mother being racist bc i headcanon james as bang yongguk who is v much east asian and i've translated blood supremacy into white supremacy in her case. also AM = album by the arctic monkeys


	13. 13.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james has an epiphany. apparently, he is wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're putting off revision for exams, raise your hands

**_swagwartz_ **

**james**

[01:07]

it’s too hot

i can’t sleep

**remus lupout**

[01:07]

me neither

this dickhead keeps messaging the gc

 

**james**

[01:07]

did u know

apparently some people use gc to mean good cunt

**remus lupout**

[01:07]

what

 

**james**

[01:08]

ye, i saw it on twitter the other day

the internet is full of strange things

 

**remus lupout**

[01:08]

true

gnight you good cunt, i’m about to sleep

 

**james**

[01:08]

what??? nooooo

don’t leave me

i’m so boredddddd

rEMUS

oi u fucking anaemic pile of saggy balls

reply to me

okay sorry that was a bit mean

remussssssss

 

[01:11]

i h8 u.

 

[02:40]

did u know acupuncture videos are surprisingly relaxing

there’s a whole bunch of them on youtube, watch them

 

[03:19]

OMG WTF GUYS LISTEN TO THIS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT

I WAS WATCHING A CLEVVERTV TOP TEN BEST TV COUPLES VIDEO

AND THEY HAD AUSTIN AND ALLY FROM AUSTIN AND ALLY ON THE LIST???

INSTEAD OF PEOPLE LIKE CHAD AND SONNY (#1 OF MY HEARTS) OR ALEX AND MASON

IAM GOING TO WRITE A FUCKING COMMENT ROASTING THE FUCK OUT OF THEM

 

[04:03]

boys

i somehow ended up watching people react to music videos and then on kpop music videos and i think i’ve discovered my twin?? like there’s this band called B.A.P and i look like one of the rappers???

this is actually mad, look

this is me

this is him

DO WE NOT LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME WTF

 

[04:15]

this is much less exciting on my own

one of you dicks wake up to freak out with me

 

**sirius white**

[08:10]

that guy looks nothing like you, mate

 

**remus lupout**

[08:14]

yeah, i don’t see it either

 

**peter crouch**

[08:23]

it lukz a …. Bit lyk u james

sort ov

 

**james**

[09:58]

WTF HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME

ARE YOU GUYS BLIND

 

**sirius white**

[10:03]

are u really in a position to throw that at someone

 

**james**

[10:03]

fuck off

you’re all honestly mental

yongguk is my twin and i am living vicariously through him

 

**peter crouch**

[10:04]

wot duz dat mean

??

 

**sirius white**

[10:04]

it means james is deluded

 

**peter crouch**

[10:04]

ok

**james**

[10:04]

HONESTLUY SHUT UP

 

* * *

 

 **Unknown** has created group **Bio Presentation**

**Unknown**

[16:03]

Hi guys! ( ´ ∀ ` )ﾉ

I know we just got sorted into our groups today and our presentations aren’t for a while, but I figured we should get the conversation going, right?

I have everyone’s number, but I know this isn’t the case for everyone so we should all probably introduce ourselves ^.^

I’m Florence ( ´ ∀ ` )ﾉ

 

**evans babe**

[16:28]

Hey flo <3

For those who don’t have my number, I’m lily

Hiiiii

 

**Unknown**

[16:34]

Whoa, that was quick! I’ve only just gotten home from college lol

I’m Bertram Aubrey

But everyone calls me Tommy

 

**Unknown**

[16:35]

What a lovely name! ^.^

 

**Unknown**

[16:35]

I don’t know if you’re talking about Tommy or my real one, but thanks

 

**Unknown**

[16:35]

Both!! ^.^

 

**james**

[16:35]

ayo wassup my homies my brethren its ur boi james fleamont potter in the building introducing u to the brilliance that is me

try not to cry

 

**evans babe**

[16:35]

Oh ffs -.-

 

**Unknown**

[16:35]

?

 

**Unknown**

[16:35]

Hi, James!! You talk so differently online haha

 

**james**

[16:36]

that’s bc being online gives me the freedom to release my inner swag innit lmfao mans not hot and all that stuff

truth be told i'm actually jsut rlly afraid to show the inner me especially w/ a minx like evans aroundbehjwiq=owdksln fdgfjkd[ll

SFWYTGUDBHSJDWKQOAS

 

**Unknown**

[16:37]

Um.

 

**evans babe**

[16:37]

I stg potter I can and will stab you if you don’t stop

 

**james**

[16:37]

sorry guys my best mate just stole my phone and sent stupid messages to everyone AGAIN

i really need to get his fingerprint off my phone, he just abuses the privilege and i’m not here for it anymore

i’m james btw, just gonna read the other messages from earlier

 

**evans babe**

[16:38]

Convenient that your best mate steals your phone all the time

 

**Unknown**

[16:38]

Ahaha, no need to worry, James! It’s all good (＾▽＾)

I’ve heard Sirius does stuff like this often? At least according to Mikey anyway

 

**Unknown**

[16:38]

Ohhh I think Mikey mentioned that to me a while ago actually

The whole ‘drill into me’ thing??

 

**james**

[16:39]

omg

first of all, i am going to kill sirius for doing something like this to me so if i’m in jail during the presentation, i sincerely apologise ahead of time

and second of all, florence ur emojis are so cute wtf

for once i don’t feel attacked when messaging someone

 

**Unknown**

[16:40]

Haha, thank you! ^.^ I like using kaomojis, they make me happy

 

**james**

[16:40]

same girl same

 

 **james** has saved **Unknown** as **kaomoji florence**

 **james** has saved **Unknown** as **tommy the tank engine**

 

**tommy the tank engine**

[16:40]

I like them too tbh

How do you even get them?

 

**kaomoji florence**

[16:40]

I downloaded a kaomoji keyboard off the playstore haha

 

**evans babe**

[16:40]

Aw that’s actually really adorable, flo

Sorry I feel like that came off really sarcastic or condescending

I’m being sincere, I promise

 

**james**

[16:41]

alright for some reason sirius won’t stop reading this conversation over my shoulder

even tho it’s RUDE

and he’s bugging me to ask @ _tommy the tank engine_ why your nickname is tommy

since your real name is like nowhere near that

 

**evans babe**

[16:41]

tell sirius to get lost

 

**tommy the tank engine**

[16:42]

Lmao it’s because my friends say I look like Tommy DeVito from Goodfellas

And it’s a nickname that’s just caught on, I guess? Idk lol

 

**james**

[16:42]

sirius said marlene would come looking for him if he does @ _evans babe_

wait what?? ohmyGOD

I DIDN’T SEE IT BEFORE BUT NOW I CAN’T NOT SEE IT

YOU’RE BASICALLY HIS TWIN

 

**tommy the tank engine**

[16:43]

Lmaoo

I honestly don’t see it? But everyone else does so it’s stuck

 

**james**

[16:43]

TRUST ME IT’S TRUE

I AM SCREAMING

 

**tommy the tank engine**

[16:43]

I can see

 

 **james** has saved **tommy the tank engine** as **tommy devito**

**james**

[16:44]

this actually reminds me of something??

basically the other day i was surfing the Waves of the Interwebs

**evans babe**

[16:44]

You what

 

**kaomoji florence**

[16:44]

(ᗒᗜᗕ)՛̵̖

**james**

[16:44]

and i came across this rapper who looks EXACTLY like me, like it’s scary how much he does??? did my father have a bit of action in seoul 25 years ago or something

bc look at this guy, is he not me

none of my friends see it though :(

**evans babe**

[16:45]

Me neither lmao

 

**tommy devito**

[16:45]

… Yeah, sorry, mate, I don’t either?

 

**kaomoji florence**

[16:45]

I see it a little bit! You have the same nose

Sort of

Haha

 

**james**

[16:48]

i hate everyone and everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the clevvertv video referred to in this chapter can be found [+here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJuPu7uX0SI). furthermore, you probably already know this but the man's not hot reference is to [+this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M_5oYU-IsU).
> 
> (also the gc/groupchat/good cunt thing is something i recently discovered myself via twitter. hashtag twitter gang 5eva.)
> 
> (also after reading over this, i realised james is honestly so overdramatic? like i already knew that anyway but he uses capitals so excessively and i love it.)


	14. 14.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when it comes to remus, sirius is always objective, platonic and impartial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my loves! idk if i mentioned this a few chapters back, but i have a vague plot in mind when it comes to this fic now and this chapter sort of kicks it all off? there's going to be plenty of banter in between to reflect how ridiculous group chats usually are, especially in college, but things will also be a bit more serious. that being said, i have no idea how long this thing is going to be lol

**_swagwartz_ **

 

**sirius white**

[09:09]

is it physically possible for vampires to get boners

 

**remus lupout**

[09:11]

sometimes i wonder whether i’ll ever get a normal notification from this gc

 

**sirius white**

[09:11]

it’s a perfectly valid question alright

i’m in lit atm, i can ask these things

 

**remus lupout**

[09:12]

sorry i didn’t realise they discussed vampire boners in a streetcar named desire

 

**sirius white**

[09:12]

can u maybe like fuck off

 

**james**

[09:12]

why wouldn’t vampires be able to get boners tho

 

**sirius white**

[09:12]

bc they’re technically dead so like

their hearts don’t beat

their hearts do not actively pump blood around their bodies

so how do they get dat dick up

 

**remus lupout**

[09:12]

um

 

**james**

[09:13]

well shit u right

 

**sirius white**

[09:13]

also

does shagging a vampire technically count as necrophilia

 

**remus lupout**

[09:13]

for fuck’s sake

 

**sirius white**

[09:13]

what???/

it’s a serious question

DON’T JUDGE ME YOU LUKEWARM POT OF PISS

 

**remus lupout**

[09:14]

wow

 

**peter crouch**

[09:14]

rofl

 

**james**

[09:14]

who even says rofl anymore

so weird

 

**remus lupout**

[09:14]

i like how

in a conversation about vampire boners and necrophilia

rofl is what you choose to focus on as weird

 

**sirius white**

[09:15]

why are you so offended about this topic of conversation

does it hit a little too close to home for you?

 

**remus lupout**

[09:15]

how tf would it do that

 

**sirius white**

[09:15]

it means ur a vampire

feasting on blood bc ur lacking in ur own

 

**remus lupout**

[09:15]

for the last time, i’m lacking in iron, not blood, you bellend

 

**james**

[09:16]

does this mean anyone who shags remus is a necrophiliac

?

 

**peter crouch**

[09:16]

wotz 1 ov dem

 

**sirius white**

[09:16]

assuming anyone is attracted enough to shag him in the first place

he’s not very easy on the eyes, is he

 

**remus lupout**

[09:16]

choke

 

**sirius white**

[09:16]

you mean like marlene does

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

 

**peter crouch**

[09:16]

**james**

[09:16]

fck don’t send stuff like that when i’m on the bus

pretty sure the old wman next to me just gave me the biggest dirty ever

 

**remus lupout**

[09:17]

you’re actually disgusting

 

**sirius white**

[09:17]

P R O J E C T I O N

 

**remus lupout**

[09:17]

F U C K O F F

 

**sirius white**

[09:17]

just admit that ur ugly lupes

 

[09:20]

remington?

 

[09:22]

remus boi where u at

 

**peter crouch**

[09:23]

mayb he gt upset?

 

**james**

[09:23]

nah he’s probably just hiding his phone from his teacher

you guys have said way worse things to each other

 

**sirius white**

[09:23]

tru

 

* * *

**sirius black**

[09:24]

hey

you’re not upset by what i said on the gc, ar e you?

 

[09:26]

remus???

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:26]

no why

 

**sirius black**

[09:26]

bc you didn’t respond

just went offline out of the blue so i

just wnated to make sure i guess?

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:28]

you know you do have to work sometimes in college right

 

**sirius black**

[09:28]

alright tone down the sarcasm

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:28]

never

 

**sirius black**

[09:28]

of course

idky i asked

 

[09:36]

btw

ur not actually ugly

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:37]

thanks

i guess

 

**sirius black**

[09:39]

like

in an objective, platonic, impartial way

you’re good looking

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:41]

lmao is ‘objective, platonic, impartial’ the new no homo

 

**sirius black**

[09:41]

go fuck urself

but ye whatever ur not ugly

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:42]

thanks lol

ur not ugly either?? i suppose???

 

**sirius black**

[09:42]

i have the looks of a greek god

just ask marlene

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:44]

right whatever

are you spending break with her or

bc benjy’s texted me but you don’t like him so i need to know what i’m replying with

 

**sirius black**

[09:44]

i never said i don’t like him

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:44]

you saw him the other day and literally said:

“he looks like a fucking magikarp, why does anyone like him”

 

**sirius black**

[09:45]

lies and slander, i’m calling the police

but yeah i’m spending break with you and the boys

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[09:45]

okay

just been let out of class so i’ll meet you in the canteen

those hashbrowns are calling my name

 

**sirius black**

[09:45]

see you in a few

 

* * *

 

 

**_swagwartz_ **

****

**peter crouch**

[09:47]

ah fink ur gudlukin remus

 

**remus lupout**

[09:47]

in an objective, platonic, impartial way?

 

**peter crouch**

[09:47]

wot

 

**james**

[09:47]

i agree

but none of it is platonic

i just want all of you

lets kiss and hold hands

 

**remus lupin**

[09:47]

yeah let’s not

 

**james**

[09:47]

i luv how casually u break my heart

</3

 

**remus lupout**

[09:47]

i can literally see you smiling at your phone near the canteen doors

 

**james**

[09:47]

smiling through the pain

 

**peter crouch**

[09:47]

 

**james**

[09:48]

u really are always prepareds

* * *

 

 

**_swagwartz_ **

**sirius white**

[12:57]

remus u fucking doughnut

where tf are u

 

**james**

[12:58]

okay but what kind of doughnut is he

raspberry jam?

custard?

fuck now i want some custard doughnuts

 

**peter crouch**

[12:58]

by me sum plz

 

**sirius white**

[12:58]

forget about the fucking doughnuts peter

does anyone know where remus is?

 

**peter crouch**

[12:58]

no

wot duz he hav wen im in maths

 

**james**

[12:59]

think he has a double free today

doesn’t he usually spend the first one w/ u, sirius?

**sirius white**

[12:59]

yeah but dearborn and benjy texted him halfway through about getting nachos

so he left

 

**james**

[12:59]

he left u alone???

**sirius white**

[12:59]

nah marlene was sitting with us

and emma vance but she went with remus to get the nachos

 

**peter crouch**

[12:59]

i thort u had lesson now

y u lukin 4 remus

 

**sirius white**

[12:59]

i do which is why i’ve gone to class but he left his bloody supplements on the table

and i can’t reach him

what if he needs them or something

fucking doughnut

 

**james**

[13:00]

well shit

it’s okay, i usually spend this free with him so i'll grab the pills from u and pass them on

what classroom are u in

 

**sirius white**

[13:00]

AT3.1

 

**james**

[13:00]

noooo that’s all the way on the other end of college

and at the top

ffs

 

**sirius white**

[13:00]

blame remus

i called and texted but he didn’t fucking pick up

i went all over college but there’s only so much i could cover since i’ve got a test today

and i couldn’t be late

i stg if he’s passed out in a ditch somewhere

i’m going to wake him up just to personally knock him out

 

**james**

[13:01]

alright calm down

he’s probably caught up with all of his primary school friends

**sirius white**

[13:01]

yeah but i’m so much more important than them??

 

**peter crouch**

[13:01]

 

**sirius white**

[13:01]

this is not the time for your gifs peter

 

**peter crouch**

[13:01]

__

**james**

[13:04]

oh fgs i hate these god awful stairs

why not install a good oldfashioned escalator

EFFICIENCY

 

**sirius white**

[13:04]

trust me ik

every time i take them i can feel my will to live leave me step by step

 

**peter crouch**

[13:05]

__

**sirius white**

[13:05]

PETER YUO DICKHEAD

IF YOU DON’T STOP

 

**james**

[13:05]

lmao remember the days wehre peter used to be terrified to crack a joke

and now he won’t shut up woth them

 

**sirius white**

[13:05]

i fucking know

just take remus’ supplements and give them back to him

then kick him in the face for leaving them behind

 

**james**

[13:06]

will do

lmao why are u so worked up about it tho

 

**sirius white**

[13:06]

i just think it was a little irresponsible that he left them behind

all bc benjy wanted to get nachos

 

**james**

[13:06]

right ok

lol

i’ll track him down

* * *

 

 

**james**

[13:21]

remus

remus

remus pick up the phone

remus seriously pick up the phone

remus

 

[13:29]

where did u go

??

remus stop ignoring my messages

remus.

 

[13:36]

cna u just tell me wehre u went

did u go home?

i’m taking the bus to ur house

 

**remus lupout**

[13:38]

no

don’t come to my house

 

**james**

[13:38]

FINALLY

i’m already on the bus, it’s too late

 

**remus lupout**

[13:38]

get off at the next stop then

 

**james**

[13:39]

i don’t want to

i think we should talk

 

**remus lupout**

[13:39]

james just leave me alone

 

**james**

[13:39]

no

remus why did u run

 

[13:42]

remus? ik ur reading these messages

 

[13:45]

u know u didn’t need to run, right? like i’m not going to pretend like ik what ur feeling but i’m guessing ur scared

but u don’t need to be

 

**remus lupout**

[13:47]

don’t tell the others

 

**james**

[13:47]

that ur dating benjy?

 

**remus lupout**

[13:48]

i’m not dating benjy

we’re just friends

 

**james**

[13:48]

oh okay

i just figured bc

nvm

 

**remus lupout**

[13:49]

i know sirius doesn’t like him in the first place anyways

so if he finds out

 

**james**

[13:50]

??

sirius isn’t homophobic

he won’t care if benjy’s gay

he won’t care if u are either

 

**remus lupout**

[13:50]

i’m not

just leave it please

 

**james**

[13:51]

okay

i’m going to say this all in person since i’m still coming to ur house but

 

**remus lupout**

[13:51]

don't

u have that bio project to work on

 

**james**

[13:52]

i can’t pretend to know what’s going through ur head but i can say this: whether ur dating benjy or not, whether ur gay or not, we’re here to support u

this isn’t something to run away from me bc of, remus. we’ve been friends for five years now, u liking boys isn’t something i’m just going to abandon all that for. none of us will. so if sirius and peter find out, they won’t like

they won’t freak otu

bc there’s nothing to freak out over

and ik we mess about for 90% of our friendship but i’m still here to support u throughout whatever comes so don’t feel like u need to run away from any of us please

 

[13:56]

remus?

 

**remus lupout**

[13:59]

don't tell the others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that my exams are over, i can focus on writing fic more! at least until i (hopefully) get a job or something. i'd love to see a comment about your thoughts on this mess. anyone see the thing with benjy coming? is anyone missing lily and snape? do you think sirius is really as objective, platonic and impartial as he claims? ;)
> 
> <3


	15. 15.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #marauderswillneverdie #marauders5eva

**_swagwartz_ **

**peter crouch**

[23:58]

iz it ok 2 sniff vicks

 

**james**

[00:08]

what

**peter crouch**

[00:09]

will i die if i sniff it

sirius tld me i wud

but my nse is runnie

 

**remus lupout**

[00:10]

i stg you just do this for shits and giggles now

like

what is the point of changing runny to runnie

 

**peter crouch**

[00:10]

dnt b meen :/

 

**remus lupout**

[00:10]

i give up.

 

**james**

[00:10]

u probably can sniff it

like

it’s a household thing so it doesn’t seem dangerous??

 

**sirius white**

[00:11]

so’s bleach

drink that instead pete

 

**james**

[00:11]

ye but vicks is for colds

bleach is for death

 

**sirius white**

[00:11]

well if pete gives me a cold

he will become well acquainted with death :)

just saying xxx

 

**peter crouch**

[00:11]

:(

 

**sirius white**

[00:12]

:)))))

 

**remus lupout**

[00:12]

lmao don’t be mean

i’ll save you pete

 

**sirius white**

[00:12]

with what arms

 

**remus lupout**

[00:13]

i know how to kill you and make it seem liek an accident

 

**sirius white**

[00:13]

ooh #KiNKY

 

**james**

[00:13]

did u know ‘a little death’ in french means orgasm

**sirius white**

[00:13]

i actually did bc my parents made me learn french as a kid

 

**remus lupout**

[00:13]

tf kind of french lessons did you study as a kid

 

**peter crouch**

[00:14]

lolol

 

**james**

[00:14]

wouldn't you like to know ;)

 

**remus lupout**

[00:15]

no

 

**james**

[00:15]

i didn’t mean it like that!

i meant that i am the only person who knows

bc sirius is madly in love w/ me

 

**sirius white**

[00:15]

u own my heart bbe

 

**remus lupout**

[00:15]

lol okay hwatever

 

**sirius white**

[00:15]

ur just jealous of our undying love

 

**remus lupout**

[00:15]

nah just feeling sorry for poor marlene

 

**james**

[00:16]

she'll understand

after all i am irresistible

**sirius white**

[00:16]

true

but honestly speaking i don’t think we’re going to last for much longer

 

**james**

[00:16]

???

wHAT tHe FUCK???

after all these years???

HOW DARE YOU BLAKC I’VE KNOWN YOU SINCE WE WERE ELEVEN YEARS OLD AND I TRUSTED YOU WITH YM HEART YOU MOTHERFUCKING SKANK DO I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU

 

**sirius white**

[00:17]

i’m talking about marlene u twat

 

**james**

[00:17]

HERE I WAS THINKING WE HAD SOMTHIG SPECIAL ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT THIS IS ALL ONE SIDED

THE FUCK DO YU THINK I AM

 

[00:18]

oh

nvm

 

**remus lupout**

[00:18]

i can’t with this gc

 

**sirius white**

[00:18]

would you like some bad cunt instead

 

**remus lupout**

[00:19]

can u maybe not

 

**sirius white**

[00:19]

i considered it but lol no

 

**james**

[00:19]

lmao

but anyways why is the marlene thing coming to an end

has the sirene ship sunk

**remus lupout**

[00:19]

what on earth is a sirene

 

**james**

[00:20]

their ship name duh

get w/ the Timez remus boi

 

**sirius white**

[00:20]

yeah ffs remus

but no it’s just that marlene’s fun and all but it’s running kind of dry?

not like in a bad way, she’s a good kisser still and all but it’s different from the beginning now

bc we’re friends so it kind of feels like snogging a sister or something

 

**peter crouch**

[00:20]

urgh

srry 2 hear dat tho :/

 

**james**

[00:20]

same tbh

i kind of shipped you guys

 

**sirius white**

[00:21]

lmao i can see that

but at least i’m all yours now

 

**james**

[00:21]

omg

brb crying my eyes out w/ tears of joy

**peter crouch**

[01:14]

guyz i put vicks on n i feel lyk my nose is going 2 burn off

 

**sirius white**

[10:01]

bleach will help x

 

* * *

**_swagwartz_ **

****

**james**

[16:01]

guys

my mum got some honey butter chips and i think i’ve tasted heaven

they fucking blew my socks off

 

**sirius white**

[16:04]

how many socks are u wearing

 

**james**

[16:05]

twelve

six on each foot

 

**sirius white**

[16:05]

nice

i bet ur toes are toasty

 

**james**

[16:05]

they are v toasty

**  
**

**remus lupout**

[16:05]

wtaf is wrong with you two

 

**sirius white**

[16:06]

nothing wrong with a toasty toe

 

**james**

[16:06]

ye remus

stop discriminating against my korean toes

 

**sirius white**

[16:06]

shame on u remus

just bc his toes are korean doesn’t mean they can’t be toasty

 

**remus lupout**

[16:06]

stop talking about toasty toes

 

**peter crouch**

[16:06]

wotz rong wiv toes

 

**remus lupout**

[16:06]

idk but this conversation’s getting too weird for me so i’m about to bounce

movie’s starting in a bit

 

**sirius white**

[16:07]

oohhh a mOVIE. which one?

 

**remus lupout**

[16:07]

black mass

 

**james**

[16:07]

WAIT WHAT

YOU’RE WATCHING BLACK MASS W/O US???

BETRAYAL

**sirius white**

[16:07]

didn’t that just come out??

you're attjhe cinemas??

 

**remus lupout**

[16:08]

ye

 

**peter crouch**

[16:08]

__

me rn

 

**sirius white**

[16:09]

stfu peter

(but also v accurate)

 

**james**

[16:09]

lmao noo that cracked me up

where do u even findthese gifs pete

 

**sirius white**

[16:09]

who are you at the cinemas with

 

**remus lupout**

[16:09]

who said i’m with someone

 

**sirius white**

[16:09]

even u aren’t sad enough to go alone

 

**remus lupout**

[16:10]

thanks???

 

**james**

[16:10]

yeahhhhh remington who’re u w/??

spill the hot goss

 

**peter crouch**

[16:10]

hez w/ benjy

 

**sirius white**

[16:11]

you’re at the cinemas with BENJY FENWICK instead of US, the OG crew???

wow

WOW

how do u even know this pete

 

**peter crouch**

[16:11]

itz on his sc story

 

**sirius white**

[16:11]

um remus didn’t put anything on his story today

 

**peter crouch**

[16:12]

benjyz

 

**sirius white**

[16:12]

you have BENJY FENWICK on sc???

 

**james**

[16:12]

everyone does except u

it’s benjy

 

**sirius white**

[16:12]

i just think he’s a bad influence

 

**remus lupout**

[16:12]

lol ok

i’m turning my phone off see yas

 

**sirius white**

[16:12]

what kind of nerd

 

**james**

[16:13]

aw leave him alone

have a nice time w/ benjy mate

let us know if the movie’s good, i really wanna watch it too

 

* * *

**sirius white**

[16:41]

look

don’t take this the wrong way or take the piss out of me again

but i really don’t trust benjy

**james**

[17:00]

lol why

and what way could i even take it

 

**sirius white**

[17:03]

it's just intuition

i can tell there’s something dodgy about him

 

**james**

[17:03]

tjhat's not a reason

**sirius white**

[17:03]

what if he gets remus on drugs

 

**james**

[17:03]

okay let’s not pretend benjy does anything harder than weed

or that that’s the real reason

 

**sirius white**

[17:03]

??? what do you think it is

 

**james**

[17:04]

u don’t like remus getting close to otherpeople

beyond being classmates

and now he’s in a college where a lot of his childhood friends and people from his hometown are at and you don’t like it

bc it means less time for us

 

**sirius white**

[17:04]

what a load of bullshit

 

**james**

[17:04]

lol ok

 

**sirius white**

[17:14]

okay maybe it’sa little bit right

but we were here first

 

**james**

[17:17]

“childhood friends”

 

**sirius white**

[17:17]

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

idk them so why should i trust them

and it’s natural to want to hang out with one of my best mates without them always there???

 

**james**

[17:17]

yeah but benjy’s nice

and we’ve never said anything about you and marlene

 

**sirius white**

[17:18]

i was snogging marlene, there’s a difference

 

[17:22]

and i’m not even snogging her anymore so

 

**james**

[17:23]

it's been less than a week

just trust me, benjy’s not gonna hurt remus

 

**sirius white**

[17:23]

damn right he won’t

the marauders will never let him live otherwise -.- -.-

 

**james**

[17:24]

DON’T REMIND ME OF THAT LAMEASS NAME OMG

WE WERE LIKE 12 WHEN WE MADE IT

 

**sirius white**

[17:24]

#marauderswillneverdie

#marauders5eva

 

**james**

[17:24]

all i want is to wipe that memory from my mind

where’s peter’s bleach when u need it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summer has officially started and i am Socialising for once in my life so didn't get to write much recently (plus i just uploaded a jily one shot if you want to check it out! think: youtubers, dorky marauders, wolfstar playing some weird game where they deny their attraction to one another and lily being amazing. i love her. i think you'd love her too :P )
> 
> ik this chapter seems a bit plotless and random (then again that is half of them) but there are small seeds to be sown and grown y'know. ik where i'm going with this ;)
> 
> as always, feel free to comment and leave kudos. i am a slut for them, after all xx


	16. 16.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james and lily come to a compromise and sirius is still in denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i didn't realise it's been nearly a month. sorry babes! please enjoy this shitty chapter as a token of my eternal gratitude if you're still reading

**_Bio Presentation_ **

 

**kaomoji florence**

[07:23]

Hi everyone!

I just realised we don’t have that long until we have to do our presentation and we still have a fair bit left to do! We still have all of parts 3 and 4 to do and we need to put our pressie together! (>_<)

Trouble is that I’m not in college today so can some of you meet up and pleaaase make some headway on it?? <3

 

**evans babe**

[07:50]

I can do some stuff today

Only have lessons until lunch adn then I’m free afterwards

 

**kaomoji florence**

[07:50]

Excellent!! ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

Anyone else free?

 

**james**

[08:04]

ye

2pm onwards

 

**evans babe**

[08:05]

Bit early for you to be alive, potter

 

**james**

[08:05]

dnt fuckng remind me

pretty sure my bloodstream is abt 76% coffee atm

i hate 9am starts

 

**kaomoji florence**

[08:05]

Lol

_@tommy devito_ Are you free this afternoon as well? The more people, the faster it’ll go!

**james**

[08:05]

doesn’t he hve that tirp today

the one all the physics dept are going to

pete mentioned sth about it

 

**kaomoji florence**

[08:05]

Oh god yeah he is! He must be in another class because that’s where I’m off to today

Looks like it’s just you and Lily then

 

**evans babe**

[08:06]

You’re shitting me right.

 

**kaomoji florence**

[08:06]

No?

Will it be a problem? (•ิ_•ิ)?

 

**evans babe**

[08:06]

Not if he shuts his mouth for once

 

**james**

[08:06]

aw bbe but i luv our chatz :(

 

**evans babe**

[08:06]

Stfu

 

**james**

[08:07]

i love it when u talk harsh to me

treating me to keep me keen, i see ;)

 

**evans babe**

[08:07]

Choke.

 

**kaomoji florence**

[08:07]

Haha you two are honestly too much

 

**evans babe**

[08:07]

-.-

He is, I’m just focusing on not killing someone

 

**james**

[08:07]

luv me some une petite mort

 

**evans babe**

[08:08]

…

That’s it, I’m going to jail

 

**tommy devito**

[08:08]

I ship it

 

**evans babe**

[08:08]

I know how to kill someone and make it look like a natural death fyi

 

**tommy devito**

[08:08]

Fuck.

 

**james**

[08:08]

kind of attracted to that sort of vibe ngl

 

**evans babe**

[08:08]

Piss off

Anyways I guess we’re meeting up at 2 to work on the presentation? Would the lrc work for you? We won’t have the librarians breathing down our necks there so

 

**james**

[08:11]

ye that works for me

i’ve been banned from the library for a week anyways

 

**kaomoji florence**

[08:12]

You’ve what?? (o_O)

 

**tommy devito**

[08:12]

lmao what

**evans babe**

[08:12]

Ofc you did

 

**james**

[08:12]

LISTEN IT WASN’T EVEN MY FAULT OKAY

DO YOU HOENSTLY BELIEVE THAT ME, A YOUNG INNOCENT LAD IN THE STRAPPING DAYS OF M YOUTH, WOULD EVER GET BANNED FROM A LIBRARY NTENTIONALLY??

the answer is

 

**evans babe**

[08:12]

Yeah

 

**kaomoji florence**

[08:12]

Kinda tbh

 

**tommy devito**

[08:12]

Lol ye

 

**james**

[08:13]

wow is this caesar felt like

 

**kaomoji florence**

[08:13]

(≧◡≦)  
---  
  
 

**evans babe**

[08:13]

How did you even get banned from the library egghead

 

**james**

[08:13]

i’ll have u know that my head is perfectly proportioned

but basically

you know that really ANNOYING librarian that always wears flared patterned pants and gaudy belts from like a knockoff of primark

 

**tommy devito**

[08:13]

Martin? Fucking hate that guy omg

He kicked me out of a library once for proving that I go to the college wtf is up with that

 

**kaomoji florence**

[08:13]

There are knockoffs of Primark?

 

**james**

[08:13]

HE’S SUCHA FUCKING CUNT I STG

bloke hates me and i genuinely don’t know why?? like i’m only ever in the library to do assignments so it’s not like i’m messing about or anything

 

**evans babe**

[08:14]

Weren’t you and black competing to find the most obscure books in there the other day

And then you ended up passionately reading about the anatomy of a bull’s dick

 

**james**

[08:14]

…

i have no idea what you’re talking about

but basically i overslept yday and couldn’t eat breakfast so i got some toast at break and went to the library bc remus lives there, nerd that he is

and i was just casually enjoying my breakfast bc i need ENERGY to start the day and WORK to the best of my ability in such demanding classes and?? my man martin tried to get me to throw it in the bin??

so obvs i said no bc i spent 50p on these fucking slices of toast and that’s the equivalent of two freeddos nowadays so he can fuck right off back to lastcentury

and he’s all like

“HOW DARE YOU USE SUCH A JOCOUS TONE IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT

I’VE BEEN HERE TWENTY YEARS AND I HAVE NEVER MET SOMEONE AS DISRESPECTFUL AS YOU!!!”!

 

**tommy devito**

[08:15]

Tf does jocous mean lmao

 

**james**

[08:15]

i mean?? all i said was that i paid for my toast so i’m not gonna chuck it

so i asked him if he just never changed out of the clothes he wore to the interview for the job

and then he asked me for my name so i said I was benjy

and he asked to see my id but i said no bc i believe that pictures capture your soul and am not willing to take that step further in our relationship

 

**evans babe**

[08:16]

But you don’t though

 

**james**

[08:16]

um can u prove that

but yeah he tried to confiscate my id then so I shoved it into my mouth along with the toast so he tried to escort me to the backroom at which point i decided to run bc lbr that’s dodgy af

and he chased after me until i left the building and then said i’m banned from the library

complete overreaction tbh it’s just toast???

 

**evans babe**

[08:17]

That’s actually so gross, there’s so many germs on your id

 

**james**

[08:17]

yeah well my stomach acid has taken care of all that so xx

anyways i need to go, sirius is trying to get peter to shove as many grapes in his mouth as he can and i need to video it

 

**tommy devito**

[08:17]

Oh stick it on sc, I wanna see

 

**james**

[08:17]

ofc my brother, expect nothing less from me

 

**evans babe**

[08:20]

See you at 2, I guess

 

* * *

 

**sirius white**

[14:23]

did u know benjy was bi???

apparently he used to date this guy called gilderoy

 

**james**

[14:28]

isn’t that the wanker who used to star in all the plays at the grammar

he could never sing but he always ended up being the lead role, the bastard

he ruined grease, sandy deserved to be played by someone better omg

 

**sirius white**

[14:28]

whoa didn’t know you had this much rage over gildy boi

i didn’t even watch the plays wtf

 

**james**

[14:28]

tjhey were actually good tbh

except for gilderoy the bastard

fuck i can see his smug little smirk in ym head and it’s pissing me off

 

**sirius white**

[14:29]

how tf did benjy date that

 

**james**

[14:29]

classic benjy tbh

 

**sirius white**

[14:31]

i think he might fancy him

 

**james**

[14:31]

well if they dated there had to be something there mate

 

**sirius white**

[14:31]

not gildy boi u fucktwit

i mean i think benjy fancies remus

 

**james**

[14:31]

oh

 

[14:33]

what gives u that idea

 

**sirius white**

[14:33]

because he’s always around remus??? i mean ever since that party at emma vance’s, the guy is like a fucking leech tbh and i always thought it was a bit weird to be ‘platonic’

who even hangs around with remus that much

 

**james**

[14:33]

um

us?

shit evans just glared at me for slacking off

i can’t help it, this isn’t interesting stuff we’re researching

idc about plants

 

**sirius white**

[14:34]

that's different

we’re allowed to spend that much time with remus, we’re his best mates

his whole world

 

**james**

[14:37]

ur my whole world bbe

 

**sirius white**

[14:37]

usually id be really flattered but this is not the time james fleamont potter

 

**james**

[14:39]

wow is this what rejection feels like

what’s even brought this on

 

**sirius white**

[14:42]

pretty sure benjy’s flirting w remus in front of me

right in front of my salad

fuckin disrespect

 

**james**

[14:46]

u literally did the same w marlene

 

**sirius white**

[14:46]

yeah but everyone knew me and marlene weren’t serious

remus isn’t the type to go after stuff like that, he likes real relationships that mean something

i highly doubt benjy will give him that

 

**james**

[14:50]

u don’t even know if remus is interested

or gay

 

**sirius white**

[14:50]

true

but he might be

maybe that’s why he entertains benjy’s advances??

FUCK DOES THAT MEAN THAT THE CINEMA THING WAS A DATE

WTF

ET TU BRUTE

 

**james**

[14:50]

fucking hell calm down

lets not assume things

 

**sirius white**

[14:50]

it best not have been a fucing date

we haven’t even vetted him out properly

i for one do NOT approve

 

**james**

[14:51]

well

ur probs the only person in this college that feels that way

even if they were on a date – which we DON’T KNOW btw – does it really matter how u feel as long as remus is happy? as his friends, we should support him, shouldn’t we?

i mean, it’s not like he’s ever implied that he’s gay so if he is, maybe he’s too scared to admit it and we just need to show we’re there for him

 

**sirius white**

[14:51]

wtf james ofc i’m there for him

i just really don’t like benjy

 

**james**

[14:51]

i honestly don’t get why u don’t

 

**sirius white**

[14:53]

i just really don’t

 

**james**

[14:53]

well maybe u should give him a chance

OMG ASDFGHJK WTF

SNAPE JUST WALKED INTO THE LRC AND IS NOW FUCKIGN LURKING AROUND ME AND EVANS WHULE WE’RE RESEARCHING OUR PROJECT

HE’S LITERALLY MAKING CONVERSATION WITH HER INCL COPIOUS INSIDE JOKES WHIEL STARING ME DEAD IN THE EYE THE FUCING CREEP

 

**sirius white**

[14:54]

tf shank him

 

**james**

[14:55]

okay it’s time to piss off evans and snape i guess

see u on the other side

 

* * *

 

**evans babe**

[19:01]

You need to fucking stop

 

**james**

[19:03]

stop what?

being too handsome to walk this earth? tried that, it failed

 

**evans babe**

[19:03]

Stop fucking provoking sev

It’s not funny, it’s just pathetic. Acting up like you did today in the lrc was just so pointless, i don’t understand what kick you get out of ffs

Grow the fuck up

 

**james**

[19:05]

okay u were literally there and saw him say shit to me too so

i don’t undersyand why you’re blaming this all on me

 

**evans babe**

[19:05]

Because you literally fucking started the entire thing

 

**james**

[19:09]

lol fair enough

sorry if it pissed you off

 

**evans babe**

[19:10]

But you’re not though? you’re just going to do it again even though you know it’s wrong bc youre a fucking piece of shit

 

**james**

[19:10]

thanks

<3

 

**evans babe**

[19:10]

Literally no part of you is ever sincere about anything. I’ve said it to you countless times that you should just leave the grammar bullshit where it belongs since Hogwarts isn’t like that but you never listen

All you do is goad severus and it’s getting old tbh

 

**james**

[19:11]

honestly speaking i wouldn’t be as compelled to do it if he didn’t act like ur his precious and he’s smeagol

he’s so damn possessive over u like ?? all we were doing is researching for our bio presentation IN SILENCE and he couldn’t bear to leave u alone w/ me

had to come and throw his arm over u and remind me that ur soo above me and all that

 

**evans babe**

[19:15]

He didn’t do that at all

And even if he did, we’re not friends, potter. There’s no reason for you to get so worked up about the way sev and I are in our friendship? Quite frankly, it’s just another excuse for you to act like a prick

 

**james**

[19:15]

whatever

 

**evans babe**

[19:16]

Just

I know that you’re never gonna stop this stupid pissing contest the two of you have with each other

But stop dragging me into it. I don’t want any part and it’s not fair that you keep using me because it’s hurting my friendship with my own best friend and that’s just fucking snakey. Do whatever the hell you want and he’ll do the same, I couldn’t care less anymore, but stop using me as a weapon. It’s such a dick move

 

**james**

[19:21]

okay

 

**evans babe**

[19:24]

That’s all you have to say?

“Okay.”

?

 

**james**

[19:25]

well idk what else there is to say

“sorry that me clearly taking the piss when i say ur in love w/ me or that we’re best friends freaks ur best mate out to the point where he won’t ever let u be alone with me”?

 

**evans babe**

[19:25]

That’s not what it’s like

 

**james**

[19:27]

i mean that’s how i see it but whatever

ur right anyway, whatever my feelings for snivellus are, i shouldn’t drag u into it since it ~is a dick move after all

i’ll stop

 

**evans babe**

[19:27]

Ngl I don’t really believe you

 

**james**

[19:29]

well i can’t really force u to

u’ll just have to wait and see

 

**evans babe**

[19:36]

Whatever

 

**james**

[19:56]

okay then

nice study session evans bbe

 

**evans babe**

[20:22]

Bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out jamie boy slyly trying to rally support for his mate remington ;)
> 
> bc i've been writing this sporadically for a few months, i always forget the pacing of this fic. i've mentioned a few times that i sort of know where i wanna go with it, but there's also a lot of weird shit mentioned when we're getting there lmao (i've started saving a note of weird sentences i've been hearing in my daily life to stick in the conversations.) is there anything anyone wants to particularly see? lemme know in the comments below
> 
> btw you guys probs don't care but i got a first for my first year of uni! kinda proud of myself ngl
> 
> (also i am currently dying of heat pls help me)


	17. 17.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> swagwartz discuss the unfair expectations enforced on young boys, unhealthy relationships and the dangerous side of addictions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my second time writing this bc my laptop freaked out and everything on this page was deleted :) essentially: i am v sorry for what you're about to read. i honestly don't know half of what goes into this fic, likely because i write a lot of it well past midnight so... that explains most of it tbh. the excuse i'm gonna go with is that this is How Group Chats Work to console myself for making 89% of this ridiculously plotless
> 
> including this chappie

**_swagwartz_ **

 

**james**

[02:03]

u know i was thinking

it’d be rlly nice to have a weird addiction

like imagine if i was obsessed with eating tree bark? how cool would that be

 

**remus lupout**

[02:06]

do you like

ever think before you type

 

**james**

[02:06]

sometimes

on the odd occasion

but no srsly if i was just addicted to eating tree bark, i could get famous through that show ‘my strange addictions’

who needs a degree when reality tv exists amirite

 

**remus lupout**

[02:08]

true tbh

but there are better ways to do it than through my strange addictions

 

**james**

[02:08]

god lupes i didn’t choose to be addicted to eating fucking bark, let a man live

 

**remus lupout**

[02:08]

ur so right

silly me how could i forget your crippling non-existent addiction

nob

 

**sirius black**

[02:09]

my name is olympia i’m seventeen years old i’m just a regular suburban chick…

and i am

addicted to being furniture

 

**james**

[02:09]

yasssss

join the crew my luv

 

**remus lupout**

[02:10]

smh

both of you are choosing such dead addictions

 

**sirius white**

[02:10]

um ??? in what world

just bc we’re not addicted to drinking blood like SOME people

 

**remus lupout**

[02:10]

it’s okay to be jealous

it’s not your fault you’re so inferior to us some people

 

**sirius white**

[02:10]

w wow

i see edward cullen isn’t pulling any punches today

 

**james**

[02:10]

lmaoo

 

**remus lupout**

[02:11]

omg shut up

 

**sirius white**

[02:11]

calm down eddie boi

pls don’t watch me while i sleep tonight

 

**james**

[02:11]

he can’t help it, sirius, ur like his personal brand of heroin

 

**sirius white**

[02:11]

and so the lion fell in love with the lamb

 

**remus lupout**

[02:12]

…

i can’t believe you guys can actually quote that mess from the top of your heads dear lord

 

**james**

[02:12]

my twilight phase went hard man ngl

almost as hard as edward’s body as he glittered in the sunshine of that meadow in the forest

 

**remus lupout**

[02:12]

stop

 

**sirius white**

[02:13]

don’t judge me for it, james is the one that forced me to watch every movie

 

**james**

[02:13]

U FUCKING LOVED IT AND U KNOW IT

but honestly? looking back idk how i didn’t realise how hella creepy everything is

 

**sirius white**

[02:13]

“hella”

 

**remus lupout**

[02:13]

hella ye

 

**james**

[02:16]

the entire franchose promotes such unhealthy relationships to such a young fanbse like ?? edwards straight up abusive, like this guy literally gives bella a curfew for when to meet jacob just bc their species are like “mortal”” enemies of each other as if he effing controls her

and she’s so reayd to give up her entire life for a boy she knows for like a few months or whatever at the age of 17 where a breakup literally leavs her so depressed that she throws ehrself into life-thrwatening situations so that she can hallucinate her ex and then he goes to commit suicde bc he thinks belal’s dead and everythings just SO UNHEALTHY WHY WAS I EVER ADDICTED TO THIS SHIT

 

**remus lupout**

[02:17]

i

 

**sirius white**

[02:17]

word

 

**remus lupout**

[02:17]

honestly did not expect james to ever send twilight discourse on the gc at 2am on a tuesday

 

**james**

[02:18]

sorry it’s just been burning inside me for a good few years now

but seriously

why was i so interested in such a bland story about such a bland couple

 

**sirius white**

[02:18]

ngl that time we got backstories about the other vamps was pretty interesting

it’s just edward and bella who are less interesting than watching grass grow

 

**remus lupout**

[02:18]

ifk

all bella does is move her eyebrows and all edward does is look fucking constipated

**james**

[02:19]

I KNOW RIGHT

at least inject some enthusiasm into what ur acting iut??

 

**peter crouch**

[02:19]

y hav u guyz woken meh up 4rm sleepin

w twilight diskushonz

 

**sirius white**

[02:19]

honestly pete just go back to sleep, it’s too painful to decipher your texts this late at night

 

**remus lupout**

[02:19]

nah don’t be mean

james has decided to rant about twilight for some reason

 

**peter crouch**

[02:19]

dnt get me startd 2k15

 

**james**

[02:20]

omg remember when we had to do that for our speaking and listening assessment

 

**remus lupout**

[02:20]

lol ye bc u tried to do urs on snape

 

**james**

[02:20]

i still can’t believe mcg made me change my idea :(

 

**sirius white**

[02:20]

ik and it was so good as well

 

**peter crouch**

[02:21]

wat did u do in da end agen?

cnt remember

 

**james**

[02:21]

the suppression of free creative expression in education

 

**remus lupout**

[02:21]

i wonder who inspired that idea

 

**peter crouch**

[02:22]

i did myn on jamei oliver

 

**sirius white**

[02:22]

c u n t

 

**peter crouch**

[02:22]

he iz my mortle enemy

 

**sirius white**

[02:23]

mortle.

 

**peter crouch**

[02:23]

**james**

[02:23]

will u ever stop pete

 

**peter crouch**

[02:23]

**remus lupout**

[02:24]

i did mine on the bleep test

and the unfair physical expectations set for boys by society

 

**sirius white**

[02:24]

#deep

 

**james**

[02:24]

tbh the bleep test wasn’t that bad

 

**peter crouch**

[02:24]

in wot world

 

**remus lupout**

[02:24]

it was fucking torture

adn fucking adler was a dickhead, he always bullied the ones who weren’t trying to be the next mo farrah or freaking batista or something

sucha piece of shit

 

**sirius white**

[02:24]

he actually was

twat

 

**james**

[02:24]

remember when he tried to make remus run two laps around the astro bc his javelin game was a bit weak

and sirius told him to shove the javelin up his arse if he was so bothered about where it went

and then was in isolation for the next two days

 

**sirius white**

[02:25]

lmaoo ye

 

**peter crouch**

[02:25]

__

meh @ da tym

cba typn so ahm gna snd gifz insted

 

**james**

[02:26]

u do that mate

but honestly it was so iconic

 

**remus lupout**

[02:26]

it actually was

remember how we sold those javelin t-shirts at the end of yr11 to wear over our blazers and ran around his office wearing printout masks of his face

best memory of my life lmaooo

 

**sirius white**

[02:26]

i am a genius

even if i nearly got banned from prom for it

 

**peter crouch**

[02:27]

evry1 nos abt dat now

my sisters friendz cuz is in y7 n he menshund it da other day 2 her

we r legendz

 

**sirius white**

[02:27]

why say you're only going to talk to us in gifs if you're gonna send us a thesis right after it

also

i* am the legend, not you hoes

 

**james**

[02:27]

um excuse urself

who designed and printed out those tshirts

ur boy jem over here

 

**sirius white**

[02:27]

but i’m the sexier one so it’s my success in the end innit

 

**remus lupout**

[02:27]

wow such gr8 logick

anyways i’m knackered so see ya in the morning lads

 

**james**

[02:28]

gnight

think i’m gonna bounce as well

 wanna squeeze in one last episode of my strange addiction before i knock out

 

**remus lupout**

[02:28]

thou art a mess

 

**james**

[02:28]

ur just jealous bc i’m living the wild life

with my tree bark

and u can’t get on this level even if u tried

 

**remus lupout**

[02:28]

oh ffs

go to sleep

 

**james**

[02:29]

so that’s a yes then ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it might surprise you to know this, but i do not own twilight, my strange addiction or jamie oliver. also if you have a strange addiction, there's no hate coming from here, the boys are just being stupid boys as per
> 
> extra notes:  
> \- coach adler is loosely based off a p.e teacher who taught at my school. he was the epitome of toxic masculinity and sexism in one bloody annoying prick who just refused to freaking retire. creds to the name goes to jill aka @dreamgazer220  
> \- jamie oliver and the sugar tax are the banes of my existence  
> \- my bday was last week if you care  
> \- there is A MOTH FLYING NEXT TO ME AS I TYPE THIS PLS SAVE MY SOUL  
> \- comment ur twilight thoughts down below; join this dead discussion with james bc u know u want to


	18. 18.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> james is a meme, peter's text talk pays off and remus is learning to love himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so! a bit of a longer chapter than usual ahead to make up for the fact that i haven't posted since the start of the month and uni's coming up so your girl's probably not going to be amazingly on the ball about updating. there's lots going on in this chapter so it might get a little confusing. remember, if there's no gc title after each break, it's a separate one-to-one chat. also, some of the conversations are happening concurrently, but i prefer to have chats be sorted by where they're had over when the messages are happening.
> 
> that being said, move on!

**_swagwartz_ **

**remus lupout**

[11:01]

so like

we had to go into the library to borrow these textbooks for maths

and i saw james studying while there was tissue under the bridge of his glasses flat against his nose for some reason?? are u alrite mate @ _james_

 

**peter crouch**

[11:05]

y iz der tissu unda hiz glasses

 

**remus lupout**

[11:05]

honestly have no clue mate

**james**

[11:10]

it’s bc the library was so hot my nose was sweating

so i just stuck some tissue there nbd

 

**remus lupout**

[11:16]

only you could sit by yourself in a library with a tissue moulded to your nose and not get called out for it

 

**sirius white**

[11:16]

didn’t u just do that

 

**remus lupout**

[11:16]

yeah but i don’t count

i’m allowed to do stuff like that

 

**sirius white**

[11:16]

tru

 

**james**

[11:20]

um i think the fucketh not

 

**remus lupout**

[11:22]

ur honestly such a meme

 

**james**

[11:22]

thnx oxo

also

someone needs to save me from this bio hw, it’s honestlu doing my head in

 

**peter crouch**

[11:23]

ah thot u wer gud @ bio

 

**sirius white**

[11:23]

thot.

 

**remus lupout**

[11:24]

wow peter it’s not like people can’t struggle every now and then

stop discriminating against james just bc he wears glasses

 

**peter crouch**

[11:24]

?? wot???

 

**sirius white**

[11:24]

thot.

 

**james**

[11:24]

nah usually i’m amazing at bio

like lbr bio is my bitch

 i own its heart, arse and soul

aqa biology 7401 is my pocketholder

 

**remus lupout**

[11:25]

alright slow down there t-bag

 

**sirius white**

[11:25]

T H O T

 

**james**

[11:25]

but we had to do q8-9 for hw and i honestly can’t wrap my head around the last one

and it’s due in like an hour

 

**remus lupout**

[11:25]

damn :/

 

**peter crouch**

[11:25]

__

**sirius white**

[11:26]

i’d help u bbe but i don’t take bio and i never want to see anything related to it ever again

is there someone in the library from your class who takes it??

 

**james**

[11:26]

nope :(

fuck monoclonal antibodies

all they do is ruin my life

 

**peter crouch**

[11:26]

dnt use big wordz lyk dat itz disgustn

 

**sirius white**

[11:27]

yes i’m sure the guy who takes physics must be terrified of big words

or maybe i just thot wrong

 

**remus lupout**

[11:27]

lmao leave him alone

 

**james**

[11:27]

ye forget about peter, focus on who’s important

 

**sirius white**

[11:27]

i don’t remember talking about me ???

 

**james**

[11:28]

don’t make me shove this question booklet up ur arse

 

**remus lupout**

[11:28]

lmaooo

i don’t understand why you don’t just message someone from ur bio class?

 

**peter crouch**

[11:28]

^

 

**james**

[11:28]

I already did that

god, just bc i’m this effortlessly good looking doesn’t mean i don’t have a brain, pls stop playing into popular stereotypes

 

**remus lupout**

[11:29]

wow

does it hurt ur neck to support that fat head of urs

 

**james**

[11:29]

my head is of a perfectly normal size tyvm

but anyways i messaged kaomoji florence and tommy devito but they didn’t know

and mikey from bio doesn’t either but i have a feeling he does and just won’t tell me bc he’s been weird w me ever since sirius messaged him asking him to drill into me

 

**sirius white**

[11:29]

lmfaoooo

i forgot about that, that was so funny omd

how am i so hilarious

 

**james**

[11:29]

-.-

u wanna fuck off m8

but ye idk who else to message

 

**remus lupout**

[11:29]

…

i’m probably gonna regret saying this, but what about evans?

 

**peter crouch**

[11:29]

__

**sirius white**

[11:29]

um what

i thot james was turning a new leaf and leaving that fiery minx behind

 

**remus lupin**

[11:29]

i thought i had a talk with you about calling her a fiery minx

it’s fcking uncomfortable

 

**james**

[11:30]

true tbh

 

**sirius white**

[11:30]

i only call it how i see it

plus lets be honest i could’ve said so much worse, she’s best mates with snivellus

 

**peter crouch**

[11:30]

bt he’z so… wet

 

**james**

[11:30]

IFKKKK

but u know what they say, new yr, new me, i’m over it

 

**remus lupout**

[11:30]

it’s still 2015

 

**james**

[11:30]

u know what i mean

i’m not nagging her about the whole snape ish anymore

tbh i don’t really talk to evans much now that i’ve stopped that

 

**sirius white**

[11:30]

good

she doesn’t deserve u bbe

 

**remus lupout**

[11:30]

she’s actually nice, you know

a laugh

 

**peter crouch**

[11:31]

ah cud tel u stopd james

bc snep keepz smirkin @ u lyk hiz won

 

**james**

[11:31]

I KNOW

wait what??

snep ???

 

**remus lupout**

[11:31]

ffs pete

i just burst out laughing in class

 

**sirius white**

[11:31]

ye you WOULD say that evans is nice, remus, since she’s friends w benjy and you’re best friend s with him even though it is clear that i am the superior option along with the other two i guess

wtf SNEP???

I’M ACTUALLY FUCKING DEAD WTF IS SNEP

 

**peter crouch**

[11:32]

__

 

**james**

[11:32]

i honestly love it

 

**sirius white**

[11:32]

i take back everything i’ve ever said about ur textspeak

ur a genius

 

**remus lupout**

[11:32]

it’s the best thing you’ve said all year lmaoo

and also @ _sirius white_ are u still hung up on me and benjy hanging out? it’s been weeks

 

**james**

[11:32]

yeah leave them alone they’re cute

 

**remus lupout**

[11:32]

…

 

**james**

[11:33]

in like a platonic way

thy have a cute friendship

makes me jealous

 

**sirius white**

[11:33]

um i’ll have u know

remus and i have a cuter relationship

benjy has nothing on us

 

**remus lupout**

[11:33]

you do know it’s not a competition?

 

**sirius white**

[11:33]

yeah bc i’ve won by a landslide

suck on that fenwick

 

**james**

[11:33]

lol

 

**peter crouch**

[11:37]

did u get da ansur 2 ur q james???

 

**james**

[11:40]

…

fuck.

 

* * *

 

**james**

[11:33]

I’M SORRY

I DIDN’T MEAN TO

PLS DON’T STAB ME

 

**remus lupout**

[11:35]

it’s alirght

ik you didn’t mean to

 

**james**

[11:35]

ik but that doesn’t make me stop feeling like shit

it’s just that ik this is a big deal for u so whenever sirius rants about benjy, i panic and come to ur defence

i try to be a shining knight but i’m just a bumbling mess instead

 

**remus lupout**

[11:35]

wow poetry graduate james potter’s in the building

but nah don’t stress about it

benjy and i aren’t even together so

 

**james**

[11:35]

yeah but

u canoodle

 

**remus lupout**

[11:35]

…

 

**james**

[11:35]

what

you DO

 

**remus lupout**

[11:36]

who even uses that word in this day and age

and anyway

benjy was just helping me come to terms with some things

 

**james**

[11:36]

oh okay

do u wanna talk about it? no pressure tho

 

**remus lupout**

[11:42]

idk man

 

[11:45]

it’s kind of scary knowing u don’t like fit the norm?? and benjy’s someone who’s known that about himself for years now so it was nice having him there to sort of guide me through my crisis?? like he helped me speak to my mum about it and everything, it was nice

it’s just

i spent years denying it and hiding it bc you know that if anyone caught on in the grammar, they would’ve annihilated me, so to accept that it’s a part of me and nothing to be ashamed of is harder than expected and it’s still rlly scary

idek what i’m saying anymore

 

**james**

[11:48]

no igy

i’m glad ur coming to terms w it tho and accepting urself

and u know we’ll always be here for u whether u came out in the grammar or come out here and now

 

**remus lupout**

[11:48]

yeah i know

i probably won’t any time soon

 

**james**

[11:48]

sure

i mean it’s ur call

i won’t mention anything until then

 

**remus lupout**

[11:51]

thank you

 

* * *

 

**james**

[11:42]

uh hey

u probs don’t wanna hear from me but ur my last chance at saving myself from khadija’s wrath

basically i’m doing those questions we were set for bio and i’m rlly stuck on the last two

u don’t happen to have the answers for them, do u?

 

**evans babe**

[11:50]

You’re coming to me for help??

 

**james**

[11:50]

well ye

ur smart and u take bio

 

**evans babe**

[11:50]

I thought you were the ‘god’ of bio or whatever you like to say

 

**james**

[11:50]

sometimes… even we deities make mistakes

like when god decided to let peter discover text speak

**evans babe**

[11:50]

Lol fair enough

Which one’s question 9 again? The one about monoclonal antibodies?

 

**james**

[11:51]

yup

i juts can’t wrap my head around them idky

 

**evans babe**

[11:51]

Yeah khadija said a lot of people were having difficulty with it

I’m in the middle of French atm but i’ll send the answers to you when we’re packing up

 

**james**

[11:51]

YOU HAVE THE ANSWERS ??/

THANK THE LORD, LILY EVANS, UR A GODSEND

I WILL LOVE YOU FOR FOREVER AND A DAY

 

**evans babe**

[11:52]

Don’t get aead of yourself, this doesn’t mean we’re friends

 

**james**

[11:52]

ye but u hav eto admit i’ve been a lot better recently

 

**evans babe**

[11:52]

It’s been a week

That says nothing

 

**james**

[11:52]

says enough to convince u to send me the answers ;)

 

**evans babe**

[11:52]

Kindly piss off before I change my mind

 

**james**

[11:52]

damn okay

see u in a bit

 

**evans babe**

[11:52]

Yeah, yeah, whatever

 

* * *

 

**sirius black**

[17:04]

luuuuuuupin

lupes

my man

my g

my main g

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:10]

never say any of those words ever again.

 

**sirius black**

[17:10]

wow just bc i’m trying to get down with the kids

let me be hip in peace

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:10]

alright see ya then

 

**sirius black**

[17:10]

nooooo

don’t leave me, it’s important :(

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:11]

go on then

whats up

i stg if you sya the sky…

 

**sirius black**

[17:11]

who do u think i am, james

anyways you get off work at 8 right?

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:11]

yup

i’m on my break atm

why?

 

**sirius black**

[17:12]

bc i’m bored and hungry and figured we could go out to eat

i’ll pay dw

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:12]

no u won’t

and i kind of already have plans :/

 

**sirius black**

[17:12]

??

what??

who with ???

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:12]

please stop sending so many question marks, it’s hurting my eyes

and benjy mentioned he was gonna be in the area so we were gonna go get subway to eat

don’t say anything about him pls

 

**sirius black**

[17:13]

…

et tu brute?

is this what a knife to the back feels like

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:13]

ur so overdramatic

 

**sirius black**

[17:13]

i really wanted to eat with you though :((

i was thinking of going to that mexican place we were talking about the other day

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:13]

sirius, that place is expensive!!

why would you pay for me too, dipshit

 

**sirius black**

[17:13]

bc you’re remus?? obviously i’d pay for one of my best mates

are you sure your plans with benjy are unavoidable

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:14]

i mean… it’d be a bit shitty of me to cancel tbh

 

**sirius black**

[17:14]

damn you and your morals :(

it’s alright, i’ll just order in

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[17:14]

why, where’s uncle a?

 

**sirius black**

[17:14]

got caught up in a business meeting

it’s fine though, there’s that indian takeaway i’ve heard loads about that i want to check out too

don’t worry about it

* * *

 

**sirius white**

[20:30]

check out remus being all shy and hiding his face from the camera

__

 

**james**

[20:30]

wow instagram model right there

luv it

work it gorl

 

**peter crouch**

[20:30]

__

**remus lupout**

[20:32]

piss off

 

**james**

[20:32]

dw remus

u ARE britain’s next top model

 

**peter crouch**

[20:33]

r u guyz @ dat mexican place?/

lemme no if da fud iz gud plz

ah wana try it

 

**sirius white**

[20:33]

yeah remus begged me to go

quite embarrassing rlly

 

**remus lupout**

[20:33]

bye

 

**sirius white**

[20:33]

ly too xx

 

**james**

[20:33]

oh yeah i wanna check that place out too

looks good

 

**sirius white**

[20:35]

it is

place is nice and the food’s great

speaking of which, i’m gonna go shove this entire plate down my mouth, see ya later

 

**peter crouch**

[20:35]

c u

 

**james**

[20:35]

later mate

have fun on ur dinner date

oh and before i forget

 

 **james** has changed **_swagwartz_** to **_SNEP_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yah man, my inspiration this month has been sooo low so apologies if this is absolute rubbish (but then again so's the rest of the fic lmao lbr here).
> 
> notes:  
> \- t-bag = from prison break  
> \- when sirius says 'et tu, brute?', all i think of is that one tumblr post that changed it to 'et tu thot?'. it's from the play julius caesar by our boy shakespeare by the way  
> \- james is more than a meme, he is a good fucking friend, you can fight me on this  
> \- ly: answer dropped and i was not ready for serendipity full version or (my babe, my one and only) TRIVIA SEESAW it's all i've been listening to and i ain't even embarrassed, don't even come at me


	19. 19.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is more than a meme queen and the marauders are a supportive bunch fite me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: i forgot to mention this in the previous chapter but this mysterious khadija they mention is their bio teacher. in my college, we used to call our teachers by their first names so the same happens here :)
> 
> [why does that smily look so menacing wth]

**Sev**

[13:17]

Hi, Lily.

I was in the Science block earlier today and happened to go past your classroom. I didn’t know you were friendly with Potter? I have to admit, it surprised me to see you with him considering our history.

 

[13:39]

Lily?

Oh, you’ve probably already clocked in at work. That’s okay, I’ll talk to you in a couple of hours.

 

**Lily**

[18:03]

Sorry sev, didn’t see this until now! My phone’s been on silent since that maths test this morning lol

 

**Sev**

[18:03]

That’s alright, it happens sometimes.

 

**Lily**

[18:04]

Yeah haha

How did the test go for you btw? I think it went well except I’m kind of unsure on the second question. It took me ages to work out and us girls all got completely different answers so ://

 

**Sev**

[18:04]

It’s 57.

 

**Lily**

[18:04]

Shit really?? I got 73 O_O

Damn it

 

**Sev**

[18:04]

I’ll teach you how to do it in our free period tomorrow – the one before your Biology class?

Speaking of which… I never knew you were so close to Potter.

 

**Lily**

[18:06]

Lmao when have I ever been close to potter

 

**Sev**

[18:06]

I don’t know, when I passed your class today, you two seemed pretty cosy…

 

**Lily**

[18:06]

What??? In bio??

 

**Sev**

[18:06]

Yes.

You seemed to be having a lot of fun.

**Lily**

[18:06]

Yes, HIV is an absolutely fascinating subject

Nah, he was going around and helping some of the students out since Khadija was busy with folder checks this lesson nbd

 

**Sev**

[18:08]

How noble of him.

 

[18:09]

He probably just did it to impress you.

 

**Lily**

[18:09]

Not really but sure

 

**Sev**

[18:09]

Not just you, but the entire class. It’s how he works.

 

**Lily**

[18:09]

Oh?

 

**Sev**

[18:10]

He likes to appear charming and helpful so no one suspects him of ever getting into any trouble. Trust me when I say this, he’s not nearly as selfless as he likes to make out he is.

 

**Lily**

[18:10]

I mean, he just seemed bored to me

Like he was passing time by doing it

 

**Sev**

[18:12]

Oh, please.

No offence, Lily, but you don’t know him like I do.

It’s a classic James Potter move really. Coming across as this selfless boy who helps out the teacher and the students without prompting as if all he wants, from the bottom of his heart, is to be kind. But in reality, he’s just an insufferable know-it-all who only does these sort of things to feed his own ego because it make him feel like a bigger man to be needed. He did it all the time in the grammar.

I don’t blame you for being swayed, he’s a convincing actor.

 

**Lily**

[18:13]

Oh, sev

I’m not swayed or anything, I was just accepting whatever help I could

Tbh it doesn’t affect me whehter he’s being genuine or not, I just want to pass the class haha

 

**Sev**

[18:13]

If I was in Biology, I’d help you.

 

**Lily**

[18:13]

I know you would <333

 

**Sev**

[18:30]

Be careful though. I know you’re too smart to fall for Potter’s tricks, but he’s a lot meaner than he looks.

 

**Lily**

[18:47]

Will do

Dw about it

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

 

**peter crouch**

[11:27]

iz any1 free

or @ hme

 

**remus lupout**

[11:35]

i’m just about to head in for work

what’s up?

 

**sirius white**

[11:35]

ooh how long’s your shift

 

**remus lupout**

[11:35]

12 – 5

then i’m probably off to the library to get my psych essay plan out of the way

i stg there’s no point in them, they literally take the same amount of time to write as doing the entire goddamn essay from scratch, fucking useless piles of shit

 

**sirius white**

[11:36]

wow someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed

pls refrain from using such uncouth language like “useless”, the catholicism in me can’t handle it

 

**remus lupout**

[11:36]

ur not even practicising and u haven’t been for 4 years

 

**sirius white**

[11:36]

wow i didn’t know this was a callout post

 

**peter crouch**

[11:36]

@ _sirius white_ r u free????

 

**sirius white**

[11:37]

free from the suffocating and controlling confines of my dear mother, walburga m. black, the matriarch of the great and noble house of black est. 989 AD? yes

why, who’s asking

 

**peter crouch**

[11:37]

um

me

 

**sirius white**

[11:37]

…

anYWAY

what’d you need me for

 

**peter crouch**

[11:38]

ah nid 2 get owt ov mah howse

 

**sirius white**

[11:38]

howse.

 

**peter crouch**

[11:38]

mum n dad argud agen n he stormd owt n now da hse iz awkz

so ah dnt wanna b heer anymor

 

**remus lupout**

[11:39]

shit, what’d they argue about?

i thought they were getting better

 

**peter crouch**

[11:39]

me 2 bt dad keepz doin overtym so dey argud ova it

he sed mumz 2 naggy so datz y he duz it

she sed he be cheatin on her

 

**sirius white**

[11:40]

well shit

 

**remus lupout**

[11:40]

damn :///

sorry pete

 

**peter crouch**

[11:40]

dnt b am used 2 it

but itz awkz now bc mumz makin lunch

nd now she iz cryin 2 an egg

n idk wot 2 do

 

**sirius white**

[11:40]

um

hug her?? mums like that, don’t they?? idk i’ve never seen my mother express actual human emotion

 

**remus lupout**

[11:40]

yeah maybe try that? ask her if she wants to talk about it?

 

**peter crouch**

[11:40]

ah did

she tld me 2 get ow tov her face

 

**sirius white**

[11:40]

what the fuck.

just come over to mine, pete, uncle a isn’t home so we can watch movies in our boxers

 

**remus lupout**

[11:40]

…

um

 

**sirius white**

[11:41]

don’t judfge, sometimes i like a healthy breeze running through my leg hair

 

**remus lupout**

[11:41]

right

anyways, your mum shouldn’t have said that @ _peter crouch_ so she can get lost

(no offence or anything)

i’ll come by after work with cheeseburgers

 

**peter crouch**

[11:41]

tenk u

n itz ok am used 2 it

 

**james**

[11:41]

well u shouldn’t be, that was a fucking awful thing to say

i get that she’s stressed and upset, but u were only trying to help

 

**sirius white**

[11:42]

oh hey james

aren’t you supposed to be crying over sunmy or something

 

**james**

[11:42]

her name is SUNMI u uncultured bastard and i’ll have u know i’ve already been there and done that

she’s so beautiful and me, a mere mortal man, cannot handle it. my heart has a boner that just won’t go away in spite of everything i do

 

**sirius white**

[11:42]

yeah but how would you wank your heart

 

**james**

[11:42]

by cherishing ur other hlf

 

**remus lupout**

[11:42]

do u guys ever read what u type

**james**

[11:42]

lol no

also

i will be at the A.B residence in approx. 1hr to also slide out of my jeans and bear my best underwear to the world

 

**peter crouch**

[11:42]

da TMNT 1?

 

**remus lupin**

[11:43]

lmfao what

 

**james**

[11:43]

peter u fucking snake

we agreed to keep that a secret!!!

 

**sirius white**

[11:43]

wow top ten anime betrayals

 

**peter crouch**

[11:43]

__

**james**

[11:43]

u know what

since i am the bigger person, i recognise that u are lashing out at ur role model and reason for existence from a place of hurt, so i am willing to let this go

but just know that if this was any other day, you’d be catching these fucking hands faster than lightning little bitch

 

**peter crouch**

[11:43]

__

 

**remus lupout**

[11:43]

alright you overdramatic twats

i’ve reached the wonderful establishment that is greggs so i’ll text yous later

 

**james**

[11:43]

begone thot

 

**peter crouch**

[11:43]

c ya

 

**sirius white**

[11:44]

bye bbe

oh and grab some fried chicken with the cheeseburgers, i’ve got a craving and a half

i'll pay you back when you come

 

**remus lupout**

[11:44]

lol i'd like to see you try

 

* * *

 

 

**james**

[11:44]

??

bbe?

BBE???

 

**sirius white**

[11:45]

yes sugar muffin honey tits?

 

**james**

[11:45]

i wasn’t calling you bbe, dipshit

the only person being called that was remus

 

**sirius white**

[11:45]

lol and?

are u jealous

 

**james**

[11:45]

hardly, everyone knows i am the number one hoe in ur heart

 

**sirius white**

[11:45]

true

 

**james**

[11:45]

just surprised you’re calling him that

since u two never are nice to each other like that lmaoo

 

**sirius white**

[11:46]

um yeah bc that’d be letting him win

lmao when am i ever gonna let lupin win something over me

i am the alpha, beta and omega, bitch

 

**james**

[11:46]

save ur abo obsession for ao3

is this bc he’s been hanging out with u more instead of benjy

that’s a horribly phrased sentence but ye

 

**sirius white**

[11:48]

… no

 

**james**

[11:48]

lol good bc i’m pretty sure they’re going bowling this weekend so don’t get all moody on him all of a sudden

or stare at benjy like he singlehandedly stabbed ur mother in the throat

 

**sirius white**

[11:48]

when have i ever looked at benjy like i wanted to give him a hug

 

**james**

[11:48]

lmaooo fuck off

u know what i mean

 

**sirius white**

[11:48]

ugh fine whatever

dk why benjy keeps hanging around like he’s some boyfriend or whatever

 

**james**

[11:48]

u know he just goes way back w remus

**sirius white**

[11:48]

and yet i only learnt his name this year

anyways i gotta find see if there’s any cheese in stock for peter

catch you in a bit

 

**james**

[11:49]

my underwear and i will be ready

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

 

**sirius white**

[17:03]

@ _remus lupout_ pick something to watch for when you get here

we’ve already binged all of the wonder girls mvs as well as sunny’s discography thanks to james

and watched LOTR 2 in which peter said i have the charisma and good looks of Aragorn

and now we’re stuck

 

**james**

[17:05]

it's sunmi u dick and u know it

 

**sirius white**

[17:05]

it’s nauseating is what it is

watching you get so excited your glasses fog up

 

**remus lupout**

[17:05]

lmaooo no they didn’t

 

**james**

[17:05]

i don’t remember ordering a knife to the back

@ _remus lupout_ just chosoe something to watch since my suggestions only get me attacked

 

**sirius white**

[17:06]

ily

s+j=5eva

 

**james**

[17:06]

more like 5never now

 

**sirius white**

[17:06]

fucking take that back

 

**james**

[17:06]

start calling my wife by her real name and maybe i will

**sirius white**

[17:06]

I’M YOUR WIFE

 

**james**

[17:06]

NO YOU’RE NOT, YOU’RE MY HUSBAND

GOD, SIRIUS, IT’S 2015, WE DON’T NEED GENDER ROLES IN EVERYTHING

 

**remus lupin**

[17:06]

yeah if you’d like to pause the episode of eastenders for a sec

how about watching a documentary

 

**sirius white**

[17:07]

ew nerd

 

**remus lupin**

[17:07]

literally everyone watches documentaries

 

**james**

[17:07]

omgggg did u see that oen the other day

“murdered by my boyfriend”?

fucking scary shit, u know

 

**peter crouch**

[17:07]

espeshully bcoz it happenz in RL

u neva no hu ppl rlly r

 

**sirius white**

[17:07]

alright fine let’s watch a documentary

how about biblical mysteries explained

might as well honour my upbringing somehow

 

**james**

[17:07]

no, i want death and serial killers

 

**sirius white**

[17:07]

alright freddy krueger

 

**remus lupout**

[17:07]

what about the one about the 600lb woman

i saw a bit of it the other day, it was weirdly captivating

 

**peter crouch**

[17:10]

we cnt find it on da tv or netflix

 

**remus lupout**

[17:10]

wtf why

 

**james**

[17:10]

idk but let’s watch a crime one

 

**remus lupout**

[17:10]

ffssssss

they’re so predictble

 

**james**

[17:11]

UM NO THEY’RE NOT

what world do u live in

they're so twisted, i wanna watch one

 

**remus lupout**

[17:11]

well, i want the 600lb woman

 

**sirius white**

[17:11]

oddly specific type, lupin

but i have to side with my husband, james, here

crime’s more interesting

 

**peter crouch**

[17:11]

sme

 

**remus lupout**

[17:12]

sigh

fine, pick whatever

i’ll be about half an hour with the food

 

**james**

[17:12]

yasss

love ya m8

 

**sirius white**

[17:12]

ditto

 

**remus lupout**

[17:12]

yeah, yeah, whatever

 

* * *

 

 

**♥** ⮚

Liked by **sirius98** ,  **jamesp** and  **78 others**

 **ppettigrew** today's been a bit of a journey

view all 16 comments

 

 **jamesp** look at that masterpiece tho

 **jamesp** o wait pete, ur there too lmao

 **ppettigrew** @jamesp dnt be meannnn :(

 **jamesp** i'm funny and u know it

 **sirius98** how come u can type properly on here then

 **sirius98** i demand answers

 **ppettigrew** sorry. the number you are trying to contact is out of service.

 **sirius98** we're on ig u little shit

 **rjl.99** lmao ^^^

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> le sigh. i wrote a note and then accidentally loaded a new chapter shell and consequently deleted my wip from before :( basically: i have updated much sooner than i expected!! why? bc i tried to throw a spider out of my bedroom, failed, lost it and decided to do an all-nighter instead of spending the night with it lurking in my room. hence this chapter. if this chapter doesn't make sense, it's bc i downed a cup of black coffee and wrote it all at 3am :)
> 
> also, i'm off to uni soon so i won't have as much time to write. figured i should chuck in another chapter before the semester claims my soul, you know? 
> 
> anyways, it's the same old deal as usual: comments, as always, are welcome bc i am a thot for them and they honestly make my day. i crave them like i crave my green tea. i seek validation. lemme know what your thoughts on this mess are ;)
> 
> p.s. music rec of the day goes to: trivia seesaw (since i listened to it nonstop while writing this) as well as siren by sunmi since it's so good that i had to mention her in the chapter


	20. 20.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which james suffers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was meant to upload this over a week ago.
> 
> uni has already claimed my arse. luv it.

**_SNEP_ **

**sirius white**

[08:01]

i hate having to wake up this early

even for philosophy

**james**

[08:04]

so skip it

it’s only philosophy after all

**sirius white**

[08:04]

nah it’s alright

mika doesn’t care if u fall asleep in class

so i can sleep but also be marked in

**james**

[08:04]

well that’s not fair

khadija doesn’t let us do that in bio

**sirius white**

[08:04]

lol

sux 2 b u

**james**

[08:04]

alright calm down peter’s spirit

**remus lupout**

[08:06]

ffs

my mum woek me up bc she was crying about how she’s going through menopause

like literally burst into my room to hold my hand so i could comfort her

i was genuinely half-asleep while i was stroking her hand and cnt remember anything i said but now i can’t go back to sleep and i don’t start until after break

**james**

[08:06]

i thought ur mum’s 36???

**remus lupout**

[08:06]

yeah she’s turning 37 next month

anyways i’m just glad that i was fully under the covers bc i was literally arse-naked

 

**sirius white**

[08:06]

you sleep naked??

what a weirdo

 

**remus lupout**

[08:06]

i had to

it was fuckign boiling last night and i can’t not sleep with the covers on

ah the struggles i go through

**james**

[08:07]

ye it was like the sahara last night in mine too

weird bc it’s winter now

xmas is around the corner

**remus lupout**

[08:07]

it isn’t even december yet

**james**

[08:07]

that’s what they want u to think

**peter crouch**

[08:07]

__

**james**

[08:07]

u right

**peter crouch**

[08:07]

y duz ur mum fink shez goin thru menopoz @ _remus lupout_

 

**remus lupout**

[08:08]

menopoz ye?

 

**sirius white**

[08:08]

i stg u get worse every single time and it pisses me the fuck off

 

**peter crouch**

[08:08]

yor so meen :(((

wot did ah evr do 2 yu

**james**

[08:08]

“yu”

**sirius white**

[08:08]

idk pete idk

what haven’t you done

 

**peter crouch**

[08:08]

datz offenceyv

 

**sirius white**

[08:08]

YOUR HEIGHT’S OFFENSIVE

 

**remus lupout**

[08:08]

lmao what

**james**

[08:09]

“offenceyv”

i can’t anymore

**peter crouch**

[08:09]

ahm nt even dat short :(((

**james**

[08:09]

why, how tall are u 

**peter crouch**

[08:09]

5”3!!!

 

**sirius white**

[08:09]

well shit

you’d best stop growing mate or you’ll be the next peter crouch

we won’t be able to fit you through the doorway, your head will go through the roof

 

**james**

[08:09]

lmaoooo fmlllllllll

i’m actually pissing myself

**remus lupout**

[08:09]

lmfaooooo

peter crouch rises once again

 

**peter crouch**

[08:09]

__

ur nt evn dat much tolla den me

**james**

[08:10]

“tolla”

**remus lupout**

[08:10]

true tbh

sirius is also short

he’s like an inch taller than peter

 

**sirius white**

[08:10]

??????

eXCUSE MOI??

i’m 5”8, you piece of shit!!!

 

**remus lupout**

[08:10]

i said what i said

**james**

[08:10]

lmaoo

high five remus, we’re part of the tall crew

**remus lupout**

[08:11]

yes yes mate

 

**sirius white**

[08:11]

what, just bc ur a damn telephone pole

maybe if u spent half as much energy on making ur heart beat as u did growing, u wouldn’t be deficient in blood

 

**remus lupout**

[08:11]

maybe i’ll just take some of yours then

 

**sirius white**

[08:11]

um i think the fuck not

the only way someone’s coming at my neck is if they take me to dinner and pay for it all xx

otherwise

you’d better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up

**james**

[08:11]

whoa are we invoking my man tupac shakur

shiiiiiitttt

**remus lupout**

[08:11]

it’s getting hot in here.jpg

 

**sirius white**

[08:11]

tupac?

i thought it was a kermit meme

 

**remus lupout**

[08:11]

…

**james**

[08:11]

…

u have never been whiter than u are right at this moment

**sirius white**

[08:12]

you know i don’t listen to rap

**james**

[08:11]

wow

i have never been more aware of the browness of my skin before this day

how could u do my brother dirty like this by attributing his iconic line to kermit

the frog puppet

**sirius white**

[08:12]

ur ‘brother’ yeah?

i didn’t realise tupac was asian now

 

**remus lupout**

[08:12]

lol you can try to shove the judgmenet towards james

but it’s you we’re still judging

asian tupac or not

 

**peter crouch**

[08:12]

u no ah fink 2pac woz killd by da american govt

he woz 2 influenshul 2 nt b

wbu????

 

**remus lupout**

[08:12]

same actually

**james**

[08:12]

oh ive seen theories about that!!!!

do u not think its mad how the killer was never found?? like someone out there rlly knows what happened but the rest of the world is just… clueless

**sirius white**

[08:13]

i never thought about it too much tbh

**james**

[08:13]

ye we know

too busy thinking abt kermit i see

**sirius white**

[08:13]

bitch u wanna fight me

 

**remus lupout**

[08:13]

ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh

this next episode of eastenders is heating UP

 

**sirius white**

[08:13]

LISTEN i can’t help it if my mother never let me listen to tupac when i was growing up

the woman was racist and claimed rap was a one way ticket to hell

 

**remus lupout**

[08:14]

lovely woman really

speaking of lovely women, my mum’s calling me again

turns out she’s not going through menopause and i need to get her tampons

see ya boys

 

**sirius white**

[08:14]

lol have fun

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

**james**

[14:05]

it’s been five minutes into chem and i already want to set myself on fire w a bunsen burner

**sirius white**

[14:08]

lol do itttt

i dare u

**james**

[14:10]

brb

**peter crouch**

[14:10]

dnt do dat??!!!?

 

**remus lupout**

[14:10]

lol dw pete

he's just being overdramatic as per

we’re not even doing an experiment in chem

**james**

[14:11]

which is exactly why i need that bunsen burner

i fucking hate this topic

**remus lupout**

[14:11]

lmao same same

i’ve literally yawned every minute so far

wahey there’s another one

 

**sirius white**

[14:11]

“wahey”

 

**remus lupout**

[14:11]

kindly go fuck yourself

 

**sirius white**

[14:11]

make me

 

**peter crouch**

[14:11]

????

 

**remus lupout**

[14:11]

ew no

**james**

[14:11]

can we get back to the topic at hand here pls

which is

my inevitable death caused by this class

i’m so bored i think i might cry

**sirius white**

[14:12]

ask evans to wipe ur tears

 

**peter crouch**

[14:12]

L.O.L

she wud rather murda him

**james**

[14:12]

i’ll have u know that we have had several stimulating conversations abt bio hw actually

i think she’s warming up to me

**sirius white**

[14:12]

ask her then

ask her to wipe your tears

prove it to me

 

**remus lupout**

[14:12]

what's your obsession w her wiping his tears, you creep

**james**

[14:12]

idek

i’ve learnt not to question him on these kind of things

**peter crouch**

[14:12]

yah

siriyus iz kinda weird :///

 

**sirius white**

[14:12]

fucking spell my name like that one more tiem and i’ll shank you

 

**peter crouch**

[14:13]

*time

 

**sirius white**

[14:13]

…

 

**remus lupout**

[14:13]

lmfaooooooo

you didn’t

**james**

[14:13]

omg pete

start running

**sirius white**

[14:13]

i know where you are, peter

 

**peter crouch**

[14:13]

no yu dnt????

am by maself

 

**sirius white**

[14:13]

__

**james**

[14:13]

hoyl shit

RUN PETER RUNNNNN

**remus lupout**

[14:13]

@ _sirius white_ please don’t kill the poor boy

the cleaners have a hard enough time as it is

 

**peter crouch**

[14:14]

__

**remus lupout**

[14:14]

np mate

**james**

[14:14]

anyways

can we get back to the problem at hand

(again)

**sirius white**

[14:14]

has evans wiped your tears yet

 

**remus lupout**

[14:14]

okay you honestly need to stop

**james**

[14:14]

no she hasn’t

mostly bc she sits on the opposite side of class

and also bc i haven’t asked her to??

**sirius white**

[14:14]

why not

little nerd

**james**

[14:15]

says the one whos like 5”1

**sirius white**

[14:15]

fite me bitch

i’ll break ur little specs like it’s nothing

**james**

[14:15]

um my mother bought me these glasses so no you won’t

**sirius white**

[14:15]

shit ur right

**james**

[14:15]

annyways

did u forget that i’ve stopped annoying evans? i’m a changed man now

**peter crouch**

[14:15]

snep iz v happy abt it

**james**

[14:16]

snape can fuck off

i didn’t do it for him

i did it bc i realised it’s kind of shitty to drag someone else into our rivalry thingy just bc they happen to tolerate him

and also bc i cba wasting energy on him tbh like what even is he to waste it on? i couldn’t care less about him in the grand scheme of htings so why bother doing any of this

so ye

**remus lupout**

[14:18]

#proud

 

**sirius white**

[14:18]

i’m not

why are you getting all mature on us and leaving me alone to my undying hatred of greasy-haired chem twats

 

**peter crouch**

[14:18]

he lykz evanz

 

**remus lupout**

[14:18]

shit put your phone away

 

**sirius white**

[14:18]

gASP

is this true??

have you betrayed me for a feisty fiery-haired succubus with a greasy demonic taste in friends??? after everything we’ve been through??? after our highs and our lows???

omg i actually can’t breathe

 

**peter crouch**

[14:19]

sirius rn

__

**james**

[14:19]

lol i don’t fancy evans

i barely even know her

thinking someone is pretty is not the same as fancying them

also

how is slughorn this boring im gonnanmsbbdkjfnimjgkpo[lhg];’

dswbgehfijkol

**sirius white**

[14:19]

you what mate

 

[14:20]

james???

 

[14:21]

where’s he gone?

 

**peter crouch**

[14:21]

dunno

**james**

[14:25]

This is Mr Slughorn. James’ phone has been confiscated for the remainder of the lesson as has Remus’. Kindly focus on your studies and stop distracting students when they’re in my class.

Thank you.

**peter crouch**

[14:25]

…

 

**sirius white**

[14:25]

well fuck

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

 

**james**

[16:01]

i can’t believe slughorn confiscated my phone

**remus lupout**

[16:01]

i can’t believe he confiscated MY phone after he saw those messages

i told you to put your phone away, you twat

**james**

[16:02]

he literally announced to the entire class that i find evans pretty and him boring

i think i’m in the worse positon here

**sirius white**

[16:03]

he did what??

we’re by the main gates btw

hurry up, it’s fucking freezing

**james**

[16:03]

he read my last few messages out

so everyone in chem thinks i fancy evans now

**sirius white**

[16:03]

what a dickhead

let’s stab him

**james**

[16:03]

oh god the look on her face when he said it

she looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole or kill me

or kill me and then stick me into that hole

i fucking hate sluggie sometimes man

bastard

**peter crouch**

[16:05]

letz egg hiz offis

 

**remus lupout**

[16:05]

and get kicked out of the college?

sounds like a great plan

it’s alright james, i think lily was just a little embarrassed at being named

only snape looked like he was about to burst a vein from how pissed off he got, the fucking twat

looked like his anus was about to collapse from constipating so hard

 

**sirius white**

[16:06]

lmao what kind of visual

**james**

[16:06]

i just can’t believe that happened

i’m in shock

**peter crouch**

[16:06]

itz ok

u wil bounce bck

ur james

**james**

[16:06]

even james sexy beast potter can’t bounce back from some things

**remus lupout**

[16:06]

like the roundhouse i’m gonna give him if he calls himself that one more time

 

**sirius white**

[16:06]

don't be mean to my husband, he’s been through a traumatic experience

listen james, you’ll def bounce back from this

you don’t even get along with evans, everyone knows that

**james**

[16:07]

which is why everyone will talk

**sirius white**

[16:07]

not if they don’t want me to rip out their anus

 

**peter crouch**

[16:07]

y duz evry1 keep sayin anus

 

**sirius white**

[16:07]

so what if u find her pretty

she IS pretty

all you were doing was stating facts, not writing a damn proposal

so just shrug it off, drown your sorrows in gelato and then we’ll go to fabian’s party this evening and get bladdered to forget all about it

 

**remus lupout**

[16:08]

i thought gideon’s throwing a party?

 

**sirius white**

[16:08]

…

 

**remus lupout**

[16:08]

nvm i just remembered they’re twins

**james**

[16:08]

they're literally identical

**remus lupout**

[16:08]

shurrup it’s been a long day alright

**james**

[16:08]

u can say that again

**sirius white**

[16:09]

dw james

ice cream is but 15 minutes away

memory loss is but 6 hours

 

**remus lupout**

[16:09]

luv it

**james**

[16:09]

let’s get it

**peter crouch**

[16:10]

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *let's pretend peter's hair is blonde in that picture
> 
> ALSO I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO UTILISE THE PETER CROUCH JOKE SINCE DAY 1 PLS APPRECIATE ME
> 
> (next chapter is when there will actually be a hint of plot returning ft. my boy remus lupout aka the loml)


	21. 21.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprisingly, parties and james don't mix well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not the best chapter, i have to admit, but it's been so long (a month, i think?) that i just wanted to get my writing itch out of my system and upload something. it's kind of short ngl but enjoy anyways! <3

**_SNEP_ **

 

**james**

[20:02]

hello boyz

are we ready to get the party started

are we ready to paint the town red

are we ready to REBEL against the MAN

**remus lupout**

[20:06]

to help james get over lily evans

**james**

[20:06]

listen u anaemic heathen, i wasn’t on her in th e first place

but i woildn’t be opposed to dirnking away my sorrows after sluggie did me dirty like that today

**sirius white**

[20:07]

amen to that bby

god remus don’t you know that james and i have been in a serious monogamous relationship for the past five years

evans is nothing but an insignificant blip in his existence

 

**remus lupout**

[20:08]

jealous much?

 

**sirius white**

[20:08]

nothing to be jealous over, ik I am FAR better than someone who is snivellus’ bezzer

 

**peter crouch**

[20:08]

“bezzer”

 

**sirius white**

[20:08]

you, of all people, do not get to judge me for what or how i type, peter

 

**peter crouch**

[20:08]

soz

 

**sirius white**

[20:08]

that's what i thought lil bitch

 

**peter crouch**

[20:08]

:((((

 

**remus lupout**

[20:09]

ffs this dumbarse fly keeps hovering around my nose, it needs to fuck off

 

**sirius white**

[20:09]

this is what happens when you don’t shower, remus

**james**

[20:09]

should've showered then innit

lmaoo yes yes sirius

great minds think alike

**remus lupout**

[20:09]

you're both twats

 

**peter crouch**

[20:09]

iz evry1 redy

also how r we getin 2 da parTee

 

**remus lupout**

[20:10]

gideon lives like a 20min walk away from me so we can meet at the park at the end of my road?

and crash at mine for the night too if gideon says we can’t kip at his?

 

**sirius white**

[20:10]

the rest of us can meet at mine and then uber it to yours then

**james**

[20:10]

things would be so much easier if one of us had a car

i’m taking lessons but i’ll be honest i’m shit

**remus lupout**

[20:10]

lol i’m too poor either way

won’t be seeing a car until i’m on my death bed

 

**peter crouch**

[20:10]

:(

**james**

[20:11]

plot twist: the car IS the death bed

**remus lupout**

[20:11]

are u implying that i’m gonna die in a car crash

**james**

[20:11]

death is inevitable my young grasshopper

in the end, we are born w nothing but a timer on our wrists that counts down the seconds to when we leave this earth (whether it is by a car crash or otherwise)

take comfort in the inevitability of the progression of life and the world, of the knowledge that there are far greater things at work here than us mere mortals

**remus lupout**

[20:12]

what in the actual fuck is wrong with you

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

**sirius white**

[21:53]

why do we always lose each other in these things

 

**peter crouch**

[21:53]

am ryt nxt 2 u??

 

**sirius white**

[21:54]

god peter u don’t count

where’s james gone

or remus

since when was remus popular, i thought we were his only friends

 

**peter crouch**

[21:55]

james iz w tommy ah fink

dk abt remus

y r we txtin

 

**sirius white**

[21:55]

i can’t help it if you’re obsessed with me

 

**peter crouch**

[21:56]

…

in wot wrld

 

**sirius white**

[21:56]

this one

and the next

**james**

[22:06]

alright mateys

srry for losing you, tommy was talking to me abt some charity football match he wants me on his team for

and remus is with caradoc and his gang gang

**peter crouch**

[22:09]

oh so wiv benjy

 

**sirius white**

[22:13]

wow

betrayal at its finest

i thought we came here to cheer james up, not canoodle with people outside of the group

**james**

[22:13]

yes bc why would we talk to anyone outside of the four of us at a party amirite

where are u guys anyways

**peter crouch**

[22:15]

frunt rm

**james**

[22:25]

alright stay there i’ll come find yous

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

****

**peter crouch**

[23:01]

wehr hav u al gon

ah turnd 2 tlk 2 giddy nd u nt heer anymoar

dnt leev me plz :(((((

ah dnt men 2 mayku upset :((((((

 

[23:06]

Yo, this is Gideon. Just coming on here to say that Peter’s pretty pissed and just spent the past five minutes crying on my lap because he thinks you’re all no longer friends with him since he can’t find yous lmao

Anyways he’ll be with me for the night if anyone’s wondering where he’s at

Also not related but @ _james_ I heard you fancy Lily Evans?? I’m actually pretty good mates with her, we used to go kickboxing together so like,,, if you need a wingman, I’m here for you bro

**james**

[23:18]

FGS I DON’T FANCY LILY EVANS

U ARE LIKE THE TENTH PERSON TO SAY THAT TO ME TONIGHT

I JUST ACKNWOELDGED THAT SHE’S ATTRACTIVE ALRIGHTNM

ALSO

WHY IS SNEP AT THIS PARTY, BOY LOOKS LIKE HE’S SOMEOME’S SHOVED A STICK UP HIS ARSE AND CLLED HOM BRENDA, HE'S KILLING THE VIBE

ALSO

WHY AM I SCREAMING IT'S MAKING ME INTENSELY UNCOMFORTABLE

**peter crouch**

[23:51]

1) No idea mate

2) Uh, Lily probably brought Snape?? He always comes with her to parties lol

Anyways, just came on here to say that a bunch of us (including Pete) are about to go grab some pizza from some takeaway so don’t worry if you can’t find him. We’ll be back in a bit

**james**

[23:51]

yeah tbh pete could probs do w some cheese in him

grab us an asian style pizza while ur at it mate, i’m starving

idk what the others would like since idk where they are but i’m the only one who matters anyway so

**peter crouch**

[23:52]

Think Sirius and Remus are together, I saw them in the garden about twenty minutes ago

**james**

[23:52]

ew but it’s cold outside, why would they be there

i’d rather shake my booty on the table tyvm

**peter crouch**

[23:52]

Please don’t shake your booty on my mum’s table thanks

**james**

[23:52]

too late

i’m a beast that can’t be contained

a dancing queen if u will

**peter crouch**

[23:53]

I don’t think I will, thanks

**james**

[23:53]

wow

rude

my booty’s good enough for the rest of the crowd anyway

 

* * *

**kaomoji florence**

[00:18]

Um James

Are you there??

Or, like, sober??

**james**

[00:20]

ye, i haven’t drank much tonight

which is so not what i came here to do but i’m already wild, u know?

what CAN contain me is the question

**kaomoji florence**

[00:20]

No offence, but this isn’t the time for your dramatics!!

You’re friends with Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, right?

**james**

[00:20]

i would stab david cameron for them

tbh i’d stab him either way but u get the idea

**kaomoji florence**

[00:21]

Okay that’s good

Because there’s kind of something going on here involving them and I think you should really come and take them home

**james**

[00:21]

wait WHAT

where are u???? what’s going on???/

**kaomoji florence**

[00:21]

It’s Snape and some of his friends

Things are looking really serious, a couple of us are trying to keep it calm

**james**

[00:21]

shit is that u guys screaming upstairs??

fuck, i’m coming

**kaomoji florence**

[00:22]

Okay hurry!!

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

 

**peter crouch**

[00:40]

_@james_ wehre r uyu

y iz evry1 sayng u gt 2 a fite?/

wer iz teh over 2

helo??//

i gt pzizzaaa 4 ervy1

a luv da cheesssssss on it

frf fereal wh u gn

 

[00:49]

helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

wtf hapnd

 

[00.59]

amh tyrd so ahm gnna slpee heyru

gyddi sayd ican

txt me in da morn

 

* * *

 

 

**james**

[01:00]

hey remus

text me in the morning pls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dat cliffhanger tho
> 
> (any guesses on what's happened?)


	22. 22.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the morning after the party is very... tense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a couple of short chapters ahead. the next one is written, just needs to be edited and will be added in about a week, i think?

 

 

**james**

[11:01]

remus??

are u awake yet?

 

[11:11]

u know i can see that u’ve read my message

 

[11:16]

talk to me when ur ready

 

* * *

 

**james**

[11:18]

so

i’m guessing ur awake since ur not in any of the rooms here

**sirius white**

[11:38]

yeah

went out for some fresh air

my head hurts

**james**

[11:38]

damn that sucks :////

tbh so does my hand

 

[11:45]

thanks for the concern

anyways

u wanna talk about yesterday?

**sirius white**

[11:49]

not really

**james**

[11:49]

sirius…

u can’t just ignore this, u know?

it happened

**sirius white**

[11:54]

whatever

**james**

[11:55]

no not whatever

u kissed remus

like,, pretty intensely

**sirius white**

[11:57]

whatever

**james**

[11:57]

look

i can’t force u into a conversation u don’t want to have

**sirius white**

[11:57]

are you sure? bc you don’t seem to know that?

**james**

[11:59]

but i’ll say this: there’s nothing wrong with liking remus romantically or kissing him. ignore snivellus, what the fuck does he even know, no one’s ever been fucking attracted to him, he’s just a piece of shit. whatever he says is just bullshit

i’ll support u and remus no matter what and i’m pretty sure the rest of the college feels the same way

there’s nothing to be ashamed of, alright? everything will be okay

**sirius white**

[11:59]

i just fucked my friendship up with one of my best mates

he literally ran away from me last night

how the fuck is everything going to be okay

**james**

[11:59]

u didn’t fuck anything up, trust me

remus is probably just scared

**sirius white**

[12:00]

and i’m not?

**james**

[12:00]

it’s not like he did it to be malicious

he just wasn’t thinking right

it’s a big thing that happened and he just dealt with it differently

**sirius white**

[12:00]

yeah well

it happened to both of us so

**james**

[12:00]

sirius…

don’t be like this

**sirius white**

[12:00]

i’ll be however tf i want

**james**

[12:03]

talk to me when ur calmer

**sirius white**

[12:06]

whatever.

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

**peter crouch**

[12:41]

so

how iz evry1 dis mornin

personullee mah hed hurtz

ah fink ah drank 2 much last nyt

wher did u all go, am @ gideonz by maself

wel derz ova ppl heer bt not u

 

[13:01]

not in da mood 4 talkin ok

ah get it

 

* * *

**evans babe**

[14:08]

You are honestly fucking unbelievable, Potter. You harp on about how you’ve changed only to turn around and do something like this. Idk why I actually expected you to live up to your word

**james**

[14:15]

um

what are u talking about??

**evans babe**

[14:16]

Really?

It means that little to you? Ofc it does -.-

**james**

[14:16]

care to explain why you’ve slid into my messages so pissed off so ik just what “it” is and how it means so little to me?

**evans babe**

[14:16]

Oh come on, like you don’t know. The video’s all over facebook you know

The one of you flooring sev and then punching the lights out of him? You know, what you did last night? So much for not being a bully

**james**

[14:20]

…

ur honestly fucking joking right? tell me ur pulling my leg rn

**evans babe**

[14:20]

It’s literally all over facebook, don’t even try to deny it

See, you go on about how you’re more mature now and that whatever yoi and sev have is a two-way thing, but you know what I see? I see someone who gets a rush off being the stronger man, off knocking someone down even though you KNOW that people already like you more than sev and you get nothing out of being this way to him

I’m fucking sick and tired of it

**james**

[14:25]

no actually u know what

I’M fucking sick of u messaging me like ur some fucking mother theresa and like u get to judge me for everything

why don’t u fucking get all ur facts straight before u come and attack me for what happened last night

**evans babe**

[14:27]

What, so you didn’t batter sev? The video’s a lie?

**james**

[14:27]

no i did batter him last night and i’ll gladly do it again now if he came in front of me

**evans babe**

[14:27]

You’re honestly so fucking up yourself

How in the hell do you think that that’s a normal thing to say??

I don’t even know why I bothered messaging you, you’ll never change

**james**

[14:28]

literal;y no one fucking asked u to message me, u chose to do that all by urself

and u know what

**evans babe**

[14:28]

Ik no one asked me to but I figured you wouldn’t be that goddamn stubborn that you’d refuse to change or at least see that you’re in the wrong??

**james**

[14:29]

i’m done too

i was sosure that maybe ur a decent person even tho ur best friends with snivellus but it turns out i was a fucking idiot. if anyone’s stubborn here, it’s u since u refuse to realise that ur best fucking friend is a piece of shjit

although maybe there’s a reason ur best friends and i’m the real stupid one here

**evans babe**

[14:31]

Don’t talk about sev that way.

**james**

[14:31]

i’ll talk about “sev” however the fuck i want to

he can fuck off for all i care and tbqh so can u

i’d rather not associate w someone who excuses their best friend for being a homophobic piece of shit so

bye evans

this conversation is over

 **james** has blocked **evans babe**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this chapter is pretty short and shit. i just wanted to show how everything's all off-kilter after the party. some juicy stuff (sort of??) happens in the next one so look forward to that, i guess.
> 
> as always, feel free to leave a comment.
> 
> by the way, i put up a wolfstar one shot recently if anyone's interested in that! ft. pretty hands, the straight boy nod and some good ol' palmistry.


	23. 23.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which lily does some sleuthing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for everyone who was annoyed at lily in the last chapter
> 
> tw: homophobia

**Lily**

[14:50]

Marlene

**Marlene <33**

[14:50]

Lilith

**Lily**

[14:50]

You know how there’s that video going round on facebook about potter jumping sev?

At the party last night?

**Marlene <33**

[14:51]

Who doesn’t tbh lmao

Sorry that was mean

**Lily**

[14:51]

Yeah it was.

Anyways I was wondering if you know what the fight was all about? I tried to talk to potter about it but he was just really hostile

As per usual whenever it comes to sev

**Marlene <33**

[14:51]

Idk the specifics

It was something todo with Sirius, but I messaged him and he aired it so

Why, what did James say? Do I need to beat him up for you? -.-

**Lily**

[14:51]

It was nothing

Do you know who else was there at the fight? I messaged Gideon but he said he was with his friends downstairs and ik Fabian was getting off with Jelena in their garden so he’s no help either

**Marlene <33**

[14:52]

Nope but I can try to find out for you

**Lily**

[14:52]

Thank youuu

You’re a real one <333

**Marlene <33**

[14:52]

Np xx

I know I don’t get along with Snape much, but I hope he’s okay since he’s your bestie and all

**Lily**

[14:52]

Thank you, that really means a lot

 

* * *

 

**Lily**

[15:00]

Hey, sev, how are you feeling? <33

**Sev**

[15:00]

I’ve been better.

Much as I hate to admit it, Potter packs a punch.

**Lily**

[15:01]

:(((

I’ll come visit you once I’m back from my gran’s, okay? And I’ll bring loads of snacks so we can just pig out together

**Sev**

[15:01]

Thank you. Any idea on when that will be? I’m rather bored here in bed alone. My parents have both gone to work.

**Lily**

[15:01]

Another couple of hours, I expect. Mum and dad have been doing the whole “we’re going to leave in ten minutes” for the past twenty so

Not anytime soon

**Sev**

[15:02]

Okay.

Is there any chance you can sneak away and call me? If only for five minutes?

**Lily**

[15:02]

Sorry :(( Dad’s already giving me the stink-eye for being on my phone so much

If I leave, he’ll lecture me for sure

**Sev**

[15:03]

We haven’t been texting much though. Are you talking to other people?

**Lily**

[15:03]

Well yeah, I have multiple friends haha

Also I tried to have a go at potter for hitting you, but it didn’t really work out…

**Sev**

[15:03]

He’ll never learn. The size of his head is bigger than Jupiter and that’s when he’s feeling particularly bad about himself. But thank you, Lily, it really means a lot knowing that someone’s sticking up for me. I know that if you had been there at the fight, you wouldn’t have just watched.

**Lily**

[15:04]

Of course not, you’re my best friend

But I’ve been wondering something, sev. What was the fight even over?

**Sev**

[15:04]

Does Potter ever need a reason to torment me?

**Lily**

[15:04]

Well… no…

But surely it must’ve started somewhere

And I’ve heard some rumours but idk what to think of them

**Sev**

[15:05]

Like what?

**Lily**

[15:05]

Like

Some people are saying you were being homophobic?

But that’s ridiculous, you’d never be homophobic

**Sev**

[15:05]

Of course not.

**Lily**

[15:05]

That’s what I said!!

So yeah I just wanted to know what actually happened so people aren’t out there spreading rumours about you without reason

**Sev**

[15:06]

People are too sensitive nowadays.

They’re calling me homophobic just because I found Black snogging Lupin in one of the bedrooms and happened to call him out for it.

**Lily**

[15:07]

Um

Wdym

**Sev**

[15:07]

Well, you have to see the irony in it.

He strutted around the grammar as if he was some holier than thou God who we were meant to trail behind, kissing his feet, when in reality, he was the worst of the lot. The heir to the Black fortune likes men. Not just any man either, but the poorest student to have attended the grammar. For years, he acted as if he was some sort of magnet for girls to fawn over when he was simply using it as a mask to hide the fact that he swung the wrong way. He’s a fake. Always has been, always will be. Of course, I found it funny when I came across them.

**Lily**

[15:11]

I’m sorry, what.

**Sev**

[15:11]

What do you mean “what”?

Black is gay, Lily. No wonder he was disowned by his family.

**Lily**

[15:11]

…

Sev, what the fuck?? How can you say that about someone?

It’s not something funny, it’s actually really serious.

And you’re being really offensive right now

**Sev**

[15:11]

But it’s true.

There can’t be a Black heir who’s gay, he won’t be able to carry the lineage on. That’s a fundamental part of being a Black. And besides, all I’m doing is stating the truth. There’s nothing offensive about that.

**Lily**

[15:11]

But you’re not just ‘stating the truth’ are you? You’re making fun of him for his sexuality – or, as you said, “swinging the wrong way” – when it’s none of your business or mine what it is.

And you’re making fun of Remus’ financial status when he’s literally from the same area as us?? If anything, you should sympathise with him because you know how it feels to have been a scholarship student at a grammar full of rich people.

**Sev**

[15:12]

Sympathise with Lupin? After everything he’s done to me? After who he’s befriended? Need I remind you that his oh so grand best friend beat me up just last night.

**Lily**

[15:13]

Was that before or after you humiliated his best mates for being with each other?

**Sev**

[15:13]

You’re being overdramatic.

**Lily**

[15:13]

No, I’m not. I really think you should apologise to them, sev, what you said wasn’t right

**Sev**

[15:13]

Apologise? Why on earth should I apologise when I’m the one with bruises on my face? When I was the one who was attacked? It’s them who should apologise. If they didn’t want people to make comments, if they were so ashamed of being together, they shouldn’t have been snogging in a public space where anyone could stumble upon them.

What did Potter say to you to brainwash you like? He’s not as great as he makes out he is, you know. You should know better than to fall for his trap.

**Lily**

[15:15]

Really? You’re making this about potter? He’s nothing to do with this! And he doesn’t “brainwash” me into thinking what I think, sev, I think I have a little more agency than that.

**Sev**

[15:15]

Then why are you on his side?

**Lily**

[15:15]

Maybe bc you’re in the wrong????

I don’t advocate violence obviously but if you’re going to spew homophobic crap, then it’s pretty obvious that potter was going to lash out in retaliation?

Seriously. Apologise to them. It’s the least you could do.

**Sev**

[15:16]

No.

**Lily**

[15:16]

BUT YOU’RE LITERALLY IN THE WRONG.

**Sev**

[15:16]

No, I’m not. And for someone who calls themselves my best friend, you sure aren’t acting much like one right now. No, you’re just parroting Potter like another fangirl.

**Lily**

[15:16]

I’m not a damn fangirl.

I’m a human being with compassion and the ability to recognise that people shouldn’t be humiliated for loving who they love and you should take a note of that too. I’m begging you, just say sorry to them. You need tobe the bigger man here.

**Sev**

[15:17]

Compassion? You have compassion?If you haven’t noticed, I’M the one who’s injured here. Where’s your compassion for that, Lily? Your best friend is injured because someone beat him up and you’re telling them to apologise to the person who made them like this. Do you not see how little sense that makes?

**Lily**

[15:19]

Severus.

YOU MADE FUN OF HIS BEST FRIENDS FOR BEING TOGETHER JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH GUYS. HOW IS THAT NOT WRONG.

How am I meant to support you on this?

**Sev**

[15:20]

Well, if it’s so hard for you to do so, then don’t. I don’t need your help anyways, it was never wanted.

**Lily**

[15:20]

Are you being serious?

**Sev**

[15:20]

Are you?

**Lily**

[15:21]

…

You know what, fuck it. This conversation has fully pissed me off. Talk to me when you get your head out of your arse and ready to admit that you’ve made a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> days later than i intended to upload it but at least it's here right? also please strap in for the ride people, things are about to get even more heated in here. you hath been warned.


	24. 24.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first day back to college after the Incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not as dramatic as i intended but honestly, i just really wanted some humour in there after the last couple of chapters. still a bit of drama though ;)

**james**

[07:45]

i’ve been ringing ur doorbell for like three minutes now

where u at boi

 

[07:50]

okay srsly i’m freezing my balls off out here, are we going to college or what???

omg sirius u twat, am i actually going to have to face my chronic phone anxiety yhat plagues me at night and,,,, Call You

 

[07:51]

wanker

 

* * *

 

**james**

[08:08]

are u coming to college today

 

**remus lupout**

[08:11]

no

i’m sick

 

**james**

[08:11]

…

i’ll gather notes for u and everything, but like

u and sirius know that skipping college won’t do anything right? like you guys can’t avoid each other forever

ik it’s hard and it’s scary but ignoring this won’t make things better

**remus lupout**

[08:12]

no offence james

but you don’t know anything

 

**james**

[08:14]

what lessons do u have today?

other than chem, i mean

 

**remus lupout**

[08:15]

just pysch

 

[08:19]

thank you btw

and i’m sorry for snapping

 

**james**

[08:19]

it's fine

ur going through a hard time, i get it

**remus lupout**

[08:21]

you said sirius isn’t going in either?

 

**james**

[08:21]

nope

i knocked on for him, but he was asleep so i called him and he told me to go on without him

i guess he’s feeling the same way as u

and ik i don’t understand how u two feel but i do think u should talk, it’ll help a lot

all ur doing now is doubting urself and thinking uip a storm all by urselves

 

**remus lupout**

[08:24]

i know it would

it’s just

scary, i guess

 

**james**

[08:24]

all the more reason to do it

 

* * *

 

**Lily**

[09:58]

So like

I tried to approach potter today to apologise and he completely blanked me

He genuinely just acted like I wasn’t even there??

 

**Marlene <33**

[10:04]

Are you sure? Maybe he didn’t see you?

 

**Lily**

[10:05]

Marlene.

I was literally walking alongside him and calling his name

My hand was on his elbow and he just point-blank refuse dto look at me. He pulled his arm away and stuck his earphones in, pretty sure they weren’t even playing music

 

**Marlene <33**

[10:06]

…

Well there goes that explanation

He must be pretty pissed off by everything that happened

**Lily**

[10:06]

I get that. That’s why I’m trying to apologise! The least he could do is look at me right??

 

**Marlene <33**

[10:06]

Well as your friend, I’m saying yes

But as Sirius’s… whatever, I do know that James is like his other half practically so my best advice is to let him calm down a little before trying to approach him. It’s the first day back at college after the party so everything’s still fresh, you know?

When he’s less angry, he’ll accept your apology

 

**Lily**

[10:07]

I hope so.

I feel really shit after knowing that all those rumours are true. I never expected sev to think like that and say those things. No wonder potter flipped

His knuckles are all bruised up as well

**Marlene <33**

[10:07]

Shit really?? O_O

Well yeah I suppose they would be

Damn

Okay I gots to go, teacher’s turning the lights off for a movie so I can’t go on my phone. See ya!

 

**Lily**

[10:07]

Byee

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

**peter crouch**

[10:40]

um jaymz

 

**james**

[10:40]

jaymz.

really.

**peter crouch**

[10:40]

woteva

enywayz

y did lily evans cum up 2 me askin abt u

 

**james**

[10:40]

don't know, don’t care

**peter crouch**

[10:41]

???? bt ah thorht u card abt her

 

**james**

[10:41]

no.

 

**remus lupout**

[10:42]

since when did you stop liking lily evans?

 

**james**

[10:42]

i never liked her in the first place

**peter crouch**

[10:42]

!!!!

remus!!!!! yor back!!!!

 

**remus lupout**

[10:42]

lol hi pete

 

**james**

[10:42]

why do u spell his name right but butcher mine??

#discrimination

 

**peter crouch**

[10:43]

me rn c-ing remus

__

 

**remus lupout**

[10:43]

lmaoo i’m guessing you missed me?

 

**peter crouch**

[10:43]

yah da chat haz bin ded wivowt u nd siriyus

 

**james**

[10:43]

excuse urself i am the life and soul of SNEP

**  
**

**peter crouch**

[10:43]

ew das disgustn

 

**james**

[10:43]

ew ur right

gentlemen we need a change of name

**remus lupout**

[10:44]

how about remus ft. the hoes

 

**james**

[10:44]

how about u ram a cactus up ur rectum

before u think about making me a featuring artist instead of the star of the show

**peter crouch**

[10:44]

da hoez ft. remus

 

**james**

[10:44]

excellent suggestion peter

 

**remus lupout**

[10:44]

lmao whatever

back to the initial point:

when did u stop liking lily?

 

**james**

[10:44]

better q: when did i start

 

**remus lupout**

[10:44]

is she not why we went to the party in the first place

 

**james**

[10:45]

um no it was bc my man sluggie did me dirty and made out like i was salivating over evans when all I did was note that her hair is pretty

that doesn’t mean i want to father her children and live in a quiet cottage by the sea until we die together, holding hands in our sleep

 

**peter crouch**

[10:45]

iz it bcoz yu argewd

 

**remus lupout**

[10:45]

you argued?

 

**james**

[10:45]

no

 

**peter crouch**

[10:45]

but she tld meh 2 tel her wen ur calmer so she cud apologyz

 

**remus lupout**

[10:46]

so you DID argue

 

**james**

[10:46]

__

 

**remus lupout**

[10:46]

james.

what did you argue about.

 

**james**

[10:46]

oh wow is that the teacher i see goodbye

 

* * *

 

**james**

[14:08]

i’ll drop off ur notes around 4ish??

won’t be able to stay for long bc i have to drop off sirius’ too

 

**remus lupout**

[14:17]

thank you

 

**james**

[14:17]

have u made any progress on the sirius front

has communication been Extended

**remus lupout**

[14:17]

nope

sorry

 

**james**

[14:17]

sigh

don’t say sorry to me

say sorry to urself

at the end of the day, sirius is still one of ur best mates. surely u owe it to him to not let that go to waste?

 

**remus lupout**

[14:18]

yeah i’m sure it’ll go down v well

“hi sirius ik you’re one of my best friends but i’ve fancied you since i was 14 and denied it to myself bc i didn’t want to admit tht i’m gay, pls be my friend even though you know i want you to fuck me.”

what could go wrong.

 

**james**

[14:19]

holy fckin shit whatr

u fancy sirius???????

 

**remus lupout**

[14:20]

…

james i love you but you’re so dense

 

**james**

[14:20]

wdym i don’t think anyone saw that coming??

 

**remus lupout**

[14:20]

james.

i stare at him way too often for it to be Platonic Bro Friendship, i got pissed off whenever he mentioned marlene, i stayed with benjy just to avoid seeing him and marlene, and i literally snogged him a few days ago.

how is it a surprise that i fancy him

i’ve literally been avoiding him bc of it

 

**james**

[14:23]

i thought u were just embarrassed bc of how snape humiliated u for snogging sirius

especially bc of how u reacted when i saw u and benjy together

 

**remus lupout**

[14:24]

well i mean that’s part of it??

idk it’s not so much as the fact that everyone knows as it is that i wasm’t the one who said it

telling people about your sexuality is something you do in your own time you know? especially given how people can react to it. i’m meant to come out of the closet in my own time, not get dragged out of it by fucking snape of all people just bc he hates sirius and wants to embarrass him

but yeah i wanted to tell people when i was ready to

preferably when i didn’t fancy sirius anymore so he wouldn’t realise that i did and stop talking to me as a result

 

**james**

[14:27]

sirius would never sotp talking to u just bc u fancy him

he’s known u since we were 12, he’s never gonna throw that away

 

**remus lupout**

[14:27]

you don’t know that

 

**james**

[14:27]

yes i do

he’s told me how scared he is that u’ve stopped being friends ever since u ran away from him

it's why HE'S avoiding YOU

 

**remus lupout**

[14:28]

he said that?

 

**james**

[14:28]

yes

talk to him, remus, it won't be as bad as u think it is

trust me

 

**remus lupout**

[14:28]

i.

okay

 

**james**

[14:29]

good

i’ll see u in an hour and a half and we'll talk more about it

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

**peter crouch**

[16:23]

james in hospital

got jumped

come quick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i was gonna have peter write in his classic text speak but for the life of me, i just couldn't end it on "cum quick"
> 
> anyways sorry for the long wait everyone! i had exams so just buried myself in studying. i got this chapter out as quick as i could, will hopefully follow up on this within the next two weeks (let's see how this semester shapes up for me lmao). also, this fic is officially one years old so happy birthday to my baby!!
> 
> <3


	25. 25.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which james is grease personified, sirius is unusually concerned with anuses and SNEP is alive once again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone, it's the chapter you've all been waiting for. pls enjoy

**_SNEP_ **

**remus lupout**

[16:43]

i stg this bus couldn’t be going any fucking slower even if the driver tried

what teh actual fuck is wrong w him, thsi is a 40mph zone

there’s an oldman jogging faster than us atm

 

**peter crouch**

[16:43]

lol

iss okai he iz stil b-in fixd up

 

**remus lupout**

[16:43]

i knew i should’ve taken a taxi ffs

 

**sirius white**

[16:44]

i’m 5 minutes away

are james’ parents there??

 

**peter crouch**

[16:44]

yupp

n da popo

2 fynd owt wot hapnd

 

**sirius white**

[16:44]

usually i would call you out on calling the police the “popo” but this is a serious moment

 

**peter crouch**

[16:45]

ah dnt fink anyfing iz gna hapen tho

 

**sirius white**

[16:45]

wdym????

 

**peter crouch**

[16:45]

gideon nd fabian rnt sayin anyfing b4 we c jaymes

n idt james iz gna say wat hapend

 

**sirius white**

[16:45]

wtf why not

 

**remus lupout**

[16:45]

… it’s bc of us isn’t it

if he says that mulciber and his boys jumped him, it’ll go back to james punching snape at the party

 

**peter crouch**

[16:45]

ah fink so

 

**remus lupout**

[16:45]

ffs

 

**sirius white**

[16:46]

what the actual fuck that’s not fair

they can’t just get away with jumping james

motherfuckers who tf do they think they are

who was it that did it again???

 

**peter crouch**

[16:47]

um

mulciber, avery, rosier n rookwood

dey ran away wen me n gideon n fabian caym

**sirius white**

[16:47]

fucking four against one? are you fucking kidding me, what fucking wimps

that’s fucing pathetic

how tf would they feel if we did that

 

**remus lupout**

[16:47]

i mean

technically we could

i’m sure fabian and gideon + benjy and his boys wouldn’t mind helping us out since they like james

technically the offer’s out there

 

**sirius white**

[16:47]

i like the way you think lupin

 

**peter crouch**

[16:48]

???

no???

all dat wil do iz get mor ppl hurt?? plus da popo wil probz b keepin an i on da sichuayshun now

idt datz wat jamez wil lyk

 

**sirius white**

[16:48]

so what, are we meant to just let them get away with it now??

**peter crouch**

[16:48]

y dnt we w8 until we can tork 2 james

 

**remus lupout**

[16:49]

alright fair enough

maybe i’m jumping the gun a bit

tbh it’s partly bc this bus driver is pissing me tf off, HE IS GOING SO FUCKING SLOW LIKE WE DON’T ALL HAVE THE REST OF THE FUCKING CENTURY TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL YOU CUNT, IT’S THE FUCKING HOSPITAL SO OBVIOUSLY IT’S A BIT FUCKING URGENT

watch me thank him when i get off regardless or else i’ll feel bad

 

**peter crouch**

[16:49]

…

r yu ok

 

**remus lupout**

[16:49]

no

 

**peter crouch**

[16:49]

OK den

 

**sirius white**

[16:51]

be there in 2min, i’ve juts gotten out o the uber

also

you know what i don’t get?? why this even happened

like james and snape have always gotten into fights, it’s nothing new

 

**remus lupout**

[16:52]

yeah actually

why did mulciber choose to ‘get revenge’ this time around

 

**sirius white**

[16:52]

it’s something to do with that fucker snivellus, i’m telling you now

okay i’m here

 

**peter crouch**

[16:52]

ah c u

 

**remus lupout**

[16:52]

meanwhile i’ll be there sometime before 2020

 

* * *

 

**_SNEP_ **

**james**

[19:03]

thanks for visiting me everyone

bruises hurt a lot less in the face of friendships <333 xoxoxo

 

**sirius white**

[19:04]

ew that's so greasy

but ofc we visited

i’ve been told i have an excellent bedside manner

 

**james**

[19:04]

u spent like twenty minutes ranting about how ur going to shove a metal rod so far down mulciber’s throat that it comes out of his anus

in front of my mum and all

 

**sirius white**

[19:04]

ye but did she care

 

**james**

[19:04]

lmao good point

 

**sirius white**

[19:07]

are you SURE you’re not going to press charges

 

**james**

[19:07]

yup

like i honestly get why u and my parents want me to

but snape’s got dirt on me too, the fucker

and i kind of just want to sleep

 

**sirius white**

[19:07]

DON’T GO TO SLEEP, YOU MGIHT HAVE A CONCUSSION

KEEP UR EYES OPEN JAMES

 

**james**

[19:07]

don’t tell me what to do slut

 

**sirius white**

[19:08]

wow

i am,,, offended

 

**james**

[19:08]

u know ur the only one for me sweetcheeks

i'm just teasing u

 

**remus lupout**

[19:09]

sorry i had to leave so early james

i forgot i had that shift at work :(((

fucking aubrey wouldn’t cover for me, the dickhead

 

**james**

[19:09]

don't worry abt it mate

it happens

 

**remus lupout**

[19:09]

ye but i still feel shit

and the bus ride to the hospital was fucking torture anyway so i sat through all that for nothing

**james**

[19:09]

um my charming, boyishly handsome looks are not nothing

 

**remus lupout**

[19:09]

yup that black eye and broken arm you have are so alluring

 

**james**

[19:09]

girls love a bad boi

speaking of loving someone

don’t u have something to do lupin?? ;)))

 

**remus lupout**

[19:10]

No.

 

**james**

[19:10]

i yhink u do ;))))

 

**remus lupout**

[19:10]

you're a real dickhead you know that right

 

**james**

[19:10]

hey no making fun of the injured guy

no need to hurt my heart too :(

 

**remus lupout**

[19:11]

you're so greasy ffs

 

**peter crouch**

[19:11]

__

 

* * *

 

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[19:35]

hey can we talk??

 

**sirius black**

[19:47]

um yeah

sure

 

[19:49]

hi btw

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[19:50]

uh hi

anyways ik this is an awkward topic but after what happened to james today, i’ve realised we really need to discuss what happened the other night

you know

at the prewett parry

party*

 

**sirius black**

[19:51]

yeah definitely

it pisses me off that james got hurt in all of this and i don’t want it to happen again

do you want to talk tomorrow at break? i’ll be going into college

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[19:53]

actually can we just talk here?

i’d prefer it

less awkward and all that ygm

 

**sirius white**

[19:53]

um

sure

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[19:56]

so about the other night…

 

**sirius white**

[19:56]

yeah

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[19:56]

you kissedme

 

**sirius white**

[19:56]

haha yeah lol

i'm really sorry remus, it didn’t mean anything

we can still be friends, nothing has to change

after all we were both drunk right?? we weren’t thinking properly so it’s understandable that we did something we wouldn’t usually do

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[20:00]

oh right

yeah yeah i agree

it meant nothing

 

**sirius white**

[20:00]

so we’re cool???

bc honestly speaking, ik i take the piss out of you a lot but you’re one of my best friends lupin and i really don’t want to mess that up

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[20:00]

no dw you haven’t messed anything up

it was just a stupid mkistake that was blown out of proportion

we’re fine

 

**sirius white**

[20:01]

good

i’d hate to not have u as a friend

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[20:01]

yeah same here

 

* * *

 

**remus lupout**

[20:01]

excuse me while i run away to raise mongolian goats on a remote mountain and cut off all connection to society

 

**james**

[20:05]

???

am i supposed to understand what that means or am i just rlly doped up rn

 

* * *

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:05]

actually wait no

i don’t feel the saem

 

**sirius black**

[21:05]

what????

wait are u not my friend anymore

omg remus pls don’t do this

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:05]

no you idiot i am

i just

i don’t feel the same

 

**sirius black**

[21:05]

???

I am so confused

feel the same about what

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:06]

look the kiss wasn’t nothing to me

and i know this is probably going to freak you out and you’re probably never going to want to see me ever again

 

**sirius black**

[21:06]

i seriously doubt that

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:07]

but fuck it, idc anymore, what’s the worst that can happen. james already got jumped over this so i should be able to do what i promised even though it’s fucking terrifying

 

[21:11]

sirius, the kiss wasn’t nothing to me. it meant a whole fucking lot actually and even though i wouldn’t have done it if i had been sober, the reason i freaked out wasn’t bc of snape – but tbh he did contribute a lot to it, that’s not the point tho – but bc i’ve literally fancied you to hell and back for like years now and i was scared that you’d realise and not want anything to do with me ever again. and yeah that’s still a scary thought but i don’t want to spend the next few years pretending like i’ve never felt anything for you or that fabian and gideon’s party didn’t change anything bc it fucking did

and no i would be okay not being your friend if it meant being your boyfriend and i’m really sorry if that freaks you out

look you don’t have to return my feelings and i understand if you don’t want to be around me anymore, but i won’t act on them i swear, i just nee d you to know bc i’m tired of lying to myself and pretending like nothing’s there

 

[21:14]

i’m sorry

pls reply

 

**sirius black**

[21:15]

i

you fancy me????

since when??

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:16]

like

yr9 or yr10

around about then

 

**sirius black**

[21:16]

wait but what about benjy?? i thought you were dating him???

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:16]

no, he was just there for me as like

a guide

sort of??

basically someone who understood

 

**sirius black**

[21:17]

oh

that makes sense

god idek what to say, i’m in shock

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:17]

i’m sorry

i get it if you don’t want to see me tomorrow

 

**sirius black**

[21:17]

wait what NO!!!!

!!!!

WHY WOULD U THINK THAT

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:17]

bc of what i just said…?

 

**sirius black**

[21:17]

remus you twat

i fancy you too

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:18]

what.

 

**sirius black**

[21:18]

i thought you’d figuredit out after the party

and that it was the reason you’d ran away from me

it was why i didn’t come into class today bc i was scared you’d avoid me

and it’s why i said that nothing has to change and lied that it meant nothing bc i’d rather have you as a friend than not at all

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:19]

oh.

ohhh

idk what to say now

 

**sirius black**

[21:19]

ikr!!!!

that's how i feel, i’m literally staring at my phone in shock

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:19]

lol that’s

kind of cute actually

 

**sirius black**

[21:19]

you think i’m cute? ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:19]

…

i forgot who i was talking to fgs

 

**sirius black**

[21:19]

tell me more about how cute i am

am i cuter than fenwick

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:20]

wow someone’s praise kink is showing

wait

is that why you kept harping on about him? bc you fancied me?

 

**sirius black**

[21:20]

yeah well you wouldn’t stop hanging out with him!!

what else was i meant to do, fucking hug him and give him my blessing to pursue you?? i think the fuck not

fucking magikarp

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:20]

he does not look like a bloody magikarp

he’s my friend

and you were all up in our faces with snogging marlene, remember??

speaking of which, when did you even start liking me if you were with marlene?

 

**sirius black**

[21:20]

i mean like technically

i’ve liked you since the start of yr11

but i just thought it was rlly intense friendship

until benjy was all over you with that smug margikarp smile and i realised how much i hated it

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:21]

…

Intense friendship

 

**sirius black**

[21:21]

DON’T MAKE FUN OF ME

but hey at least it’s worked out right?? i mean sure james is still injured and i lowkey want to tear rookwood’s small intenstines out of his anus and i feel like i’ve lost ten years off my life but things aren’t so bad

and we’re boyfriends now so

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:21]

are we? you haven’t even properly asked me out yet

 

**sirius black**

[21:21]

well i just *assumed* given the circumstances but fine

do u want to date me

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:21]

wtf at least ask me in person tomorrow you wanker

what kind of unromantic approach is that

can u not woo me after all i’ve been through

 

**sirius black**

[21:22]

i’ve been through it too mate but ok

can i call you? so we can talk about all of this properly

i want to hear your voice

 

**romulus lupin ^.^**

[21:22]

yeah i’d like that

 

**sirius black** is calling **romulus lupin ^.^**

accept [x] or reject [ ]

 

* * *

 

**remus lupout**

[20:01]

excuse me while i run away to raise mongolian goats on a remote mountain and cut off all connection to society

 

**james**

[20:05]

???

am i supposed to understand what that means or am i just rlly doped up rn

 

[21:07]

are u ever gonna answer me???

 

**remus lupout**

[00:05]

nvm

i’ll stay here in england and get my a levels

 

**james**

[00:06]

ud do thatu vrazy bmtha fucker

im cherring u on

shh

i sleep now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's happened!!! after 25 chapters and 1 year, wolfstar has arisen and we are past the Angstiest Parts of this fic. i have a list of ridiculous one-liners i want to stick into this fic and i intend to spend the rest of this doing just that. and also building up jily i suppose lmao
> 
> (note: i loosely based the area hogwarts sixth form is in off my own hometown - aka not the best - which is the reason i've had james not push forward with any charges. growing up, teenagers jumping other teenagers is not out of the ordinary and yes, people do end up in the hospital and then don't get the police involved fully. it's kind of a code, i suppose?? but yeah it's transferred over to this fic if anyone's wondering why that plotline isn't going forward.)


	26. 26.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> marauders_will_never_die.jpg

**_SNEP_ **

**james**

[10:11]

guess who’s back

back again

shady’s back

tell a friend

 

**sirius white**

[10:14]

hello eminem

mind signing my arse for me

 

**james**

[10:14]

how about no

u can sign my cast for me tho ;)))))

 

**sirius white**

[10:14]

you have a cast??

sickkk

 

**james**

[10:14]

ikr

i’ve always wanted a cast

and to see what a broken arm feels like

 

**sirius white**

[10:14]

how does it feel

 

**james**

[10:14]

a lot more painful than u might think

 

**remus lupout**

[10:14]

fuck

there go my summer plans

 

**james**

[10:15]

remington! sign my cast for me when u see me in approx 2 hours thnx bye now

**sirius white**

[10:15]

ooh can i draw a dick on it

 

**remus lupout**

[10:15]

are u three years old or something

 

**james**

[10:15]

god no my mum looks at this cast!!

we're not 12 anymore sirius

(maybe a small one)

 

**sirius white**

[10:15]

yessss

 

**james**

[10:16]

anyways what’s been happening since i’ve been gone

what’s cracka-lackin

what’s the 411

what’s the hot goss

 

**remus lupout**

[10:16]

lmaoo stop

and we literally saw you yesterday

you’re the hot goss

 

**sirius white**

[10:16]

well i wouldn’t say that…

 

**remus lupout**

[10:16]

how come you’re coming back so soon anyways

shouldn’t you be resting at home?? making the most of it??

 

**james**

[10:16]

i would but mum keeps passive-aggressively feeding me food

 

**remus lupout**

[10:16]

you what

 

**james**

[10:17]

she's like

caring for me and worried over my health

which is why she keeps feeding me chicken soup

but she’s also pissed off that i won’t tell her why anything happened so it’s very

aggressively fed

she tucked me into bed so tight i swear she was mummifying me

 

**remus lupout**

[10:17]

to be fair you are her only son

ofc she’s worried

are you sure you don’t wanna tell her?

 

**james**

[10:17]

mate have u met my mum

she’ll unleash hell if i tell her

let’s just keep things lowkey

**sirius white**

[10:17]

sigh

if you insist

but i’m just gonna throw it out there that i’m up for shoving a metal cactus so far up mulciber’s anus he gets lead poisoning

 

**james**

[10:17]

okay srsly what is with u and ur obsession with anuses

 

**remus lupout**

[10:17]

what the fuck is a metal cactus

 

**sirius white**

[10:17]

um

a cactus made of metal?? read between the lines maybe??

 

**remus lupout**

[10:18]

that's not even a real thing

 

**sirius white**

[10:18]

how would you know that?

have you inspected every cactus in this world perhaps, lupin?

are you a cactus connoisseur now?

have you written a phD on the biological properties of the cactaceae?

 

**remus lupout**

[10:18]

are you done now

 

**james**

[10:18]

u guys are honestly ridiculous

and that’s coming from me

i’m glad ur talking again tho

 

**sirius white**

[10:18]

yeah

well after remus declared his undying love for me, i couldn’t really ignore it, could i?

 

**remus lupout**

[10:18]

sirius you fucking twat

 

**james**

[10:18]

Ajsadgfkgpe what

**sirius white**

[10:19]

what!!! it’s what happened!!

 

**remus lupout**

[10:19]

i said that i fancy you

though god knows why

and might i remind you that you said it too

 

**james**

[10:19]

oh my god u actually told him??

yes bitch

 

**sirius white**

[10:19]

you knew???

 

**james**

[10:19]

duh

i am after all,,, the Love Whisperer

 

**remus lupout**

[10:19]

you’re really not

we were gonna tell you in person since we literally just discussed it in person this morning

but someone jumped the gun a bit

 

**sirius white**

[10:19]

admit it, i’m your favourite boyfriend

 

**remus lupout**

[10:19]

you're my only boyfriend dipshit

 

**james**

[10:19]

wait what

sirius fancies u too?? ur dating?? WHAT

i did not see this coming

 

**peter crouch**

[10:19]

ah did

 

**remus lupout**

[10:20]

you did??

 

**sirius white**

[10:20]

i thought you only thought about memes and cheese

 

**james**

[10:20]

and physics

wow how did u see it coming?? i mean remus was v subtle

 

**peter crouch**

[10:20]

yah bt hiz lokscreene iz a selfy ov him n sirius

also dey flirt all da tym

also sirius iz obv jeluss ova benjy nd reymus

 

**remus lupout**

[10:20]

my lockscreen does not mean anything wtf

it’s just a nice photo

 

**sirius white**

[10:20]

aw babe do u kiss my photo before u go to sleep every night

 

**remus lupout**

[10:20]

die

 

**james**

[10:21]

ew wtf don

‘t FLIRT in front of us

my innocent eyes aren’t equipped for such horrors, absolutely disgustin

 

**sirius white**

[10:21]

i call u babe all the time

 

**james**

[10:21]

bc i am a babe???

u guys might be dating but i come first

remus, always remember that

 

**remus lupout**

[10:21]

lmao noted

 

**peter crouch**

[10:21]

__

**remus lupout**

[10:21]

thanks pete

and you too james for everything you’ve done

 

**james**

[10:21]

what are friends for

(and Love Whisperers)

 

**sirius white**

[10:21]

(so great at love whispering that you didn’t even realise who your best mate fancied(

 

**james**

[10:21]

I THOUGHT U WERE STRAIGHT AFTER HOW MUCH U SNOGGED MCKINNON

 

**sirius white**

[10:21]

BISEXUALS EXIST JAMES FLEAMONT

 

**james**

[10:21]

O SHIT UR RIGHT I’M SORRY

also

in light of the whole marlene debacle, pls do not snog remus in front of me. ur both like brothers to me so i do not need to see that

 

**sirius white**

[10:21]

eh don’t worry about that

remus doesn’t like pda

sighhhhhhh

 

**remus lupout**

[10:22]

pretty much ye

 

**sirius white**

[10:22]

cruelty thine name is lupin

 

**peter crouch**

[10:22]

das bcoz remus iz a tsundere

 

**remus lupout**

[10:22]

a what

 

**james**

[10:22]

a tsundere is someone who’s like

cold on the outside but soft on the inside

i think

dad calls mum a tsundere

how do u even know that word pete

and how did u spell it correctly

 

**peter crouch**

[10:22]

anime obvz wot els

duz no 1 els wach it???

 

**remus lupout**

[10:22]

nope

 

**sirius white**

[10:22]

me neither

*clenches fist* damn it sasuke

 

**james**

[10:22]

ffs sasuke

 

**peter crouch**

[10:23]

__

**sirius white**

[10:23]

yo sasuke looks a bit like snivellus you know

 

**peter crouch**

[10:23]

tayk dat bak!!!

snep iz nufin on sasu-k

 

**remus lupout**

[10:23]

“yo”

“sasu-k”

 

**james**

[10:23]

lmao sirius i think u’ve just started a war

speaking of snivellus, let’s change our gc name

idw have these total Bantz while giving Homage to him

 

**remus lupout**

[10:23]

fair enough

what should we call it

 

 **sirius white** has changed **_SNEP_** to **_sirius’ arse is out of this world_**

 **james** has changed **_sirius’ arse is out of this world_** to **_we need a telescope to try to locate sirius’ arse_**

 **sirius white** has changed **_we need a telescope to try to locate sirius’ arse_** to **_don’t be fucking rude – kim k._**

 **peter crouch** has changed **_don’t be fucking rude – kim k._** to **_sasu-k_**

 **sirius white** has changed **_sasu-k_** to **_please learn how to fucking spell_**

 **remus lupout** has changed **_please learn how to fucking spell_** to **_marauders_will_never_die.jpg_**

 

**james**

[10:27]

this name will haunt me until my death

excuse me while i strangle my 12yo self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peter has watched 'top ten anime betrayals' and it rlly shows

**Author's Note:**

> there's not much here bc it's only just started, but lemme know what you think x
> 
> my tumblr is [here ](http://elixirsoflife.tumblr.com) (it's a bit of a mess bc who needs sideblogs when everyone can just see all of my interests at once instead?)
> 
> notes: title from avril lavigne's song of the same name


End file.
